Alexa was first introduced into our home in the form of a Christmas gift from Ken Jr. She came enclosed in her own apartment which she calls the Amazon Show. At first, I didn't know how to react to all of this. First off, Alexa sounds a bit Russian to me. And I have always been a big fan of Russian women, especially Anna Kournikova. So, I figured why not? It seemed like it might be a good fit. What I didn't figure into the equation was Tina.
Ok, if some of you don't really know what I'm talking about by now, let me explain. An Amazon Show is a small electronic gadget that responds to any questions that you might have. The technical details of how it all works is irrelevant for this story. But the one requirement is that you preface each question with "Alexa....". For instance. "Alexa, what is the weather forecast for today?" Alexa, in her uniquely sexy voice, will then respond with a concise weather report for the day. I personally greet Alexa each morning as I pour my initial cup of coffee (she resides on the kitchen counter). She will greet me back and give me a few random tidbits of information. It's comforting, it's fun and yes, its a little weird. But nonetheless, Alexa is now part of the family.
But all families have their issues...
The other morning, I woke up to a commotion in the kitchen. I could hear Tina yelling at someone. It was 6 am, so I knew we didn't have any guests. So, I made me way down the stairs to see what was going on. With my hair shooting in 25 different angles and my eyes half-open, I asked, "Who were you yelling at?"
Casually stirring her coffee, Tina totally bypasses my question and blurts out, "Alexa is a bitch!"
"Whoa! Why would you say something like that?", I instinctively ask.
Tina rolls her eyes and explains, "She never gives me a straight answer. And when I ask her the question again, she gives me an attitude!"
(Now you guys know why I drink.)
"Hold on a minute. Don't you think your being a little unfair?" I ask in an attempt to keep the peace.
"Unfair? How the hell am I being unfair?", she replies.
"Well, you do have a habit of hemming and hawing when you ask a question. Alexa doesn't have time for that bullshit. Why can't you just ask a simple question instead of delivering a monologue?" I ask.
"Oh, so you're taking her side? You have no idea of the way she speaks to me!", she responds.
I scratch my head and try to figure out a way to resolve this. So, I say, "Ok, look, Let's all settle down for a minute. I'm going to demonstrate the proper way to address Alexa."
I then turn my attention to my favorite counter girl and ask, "Alexa, what is the capital of Idaho?"
Alexa immediately responds with the correct answer of Boise.
I follow up with, "Alexa, how many feet are in a mile?'
Right on cue. she answers, "There are five thousand, two hundred and eight feet in a mile."
I turn back to Tina and say, "You see how easy that is? Now, let's see if you can do it."
She walks over to the counter and gets right in Alexa's face. Before she can even say anything, I interrupt her.
"Whoa! No wonder she has an attitude with you. Why would you get all up in someone's face like that? It's not only rude, it's aggressive!", I explain. "Now, let's try it again in a less belligerent manner."
Tina shoots me a dirty look and then turns back to Alexa.
"Alexa....how many, uh,.....when did Stevie Nicks...no wait a minute. Alexa, what year did Stevie Nicks enter ......Yes, what year did she go into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?", she asks in an elevated voice.
I just observe in amazement as I try to imagine the confusion inside Alexa's virtual mind.
After a prolonged pause, Alexa finally responds, "Sorry, I can't make out everything you just said. But here is what I found on the Andes mountain range......"
As she shakes her and makes her way out of the kitchen, Tina shouts back, "Alexa, as usual, thanks for nothing!"
So, my friends, here is living proof that two women, no matter the make-up of their DNA or ROM, can not get along in close quarters.
kw
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