Super Sized

In my never ending quest to drop a few pounds, things continue to work against me. Years ago, things were easy. You could cut down on the portion size of your meals and your body would magically get smaller. But in today’s super-sized society, there’s no such thing as a “regular portion” anymore.

Have you been to a fast food joint lately? Even if you get the “regular” size meal, it’s enough to feed a family of lumberjacks! It probably takes an acre of potatoes to make a serving of their fries. Michael Phelps couldn’t even burn off that many carbs! No wonder there’s an obesity epidemic with today’s kids.

And the last time I went to the movies, I made the mistake of ordering some popcorn and a soda. After all, you gotta have popcorn at the movies, right? So, the teenager working the snack counter goes into her best sales pitch. She gives me several seemingly good reasons why I should go with the “value deal”. Taking after my dad, I’m always looking to get a good deal, so I go for it.

The girl retreats to the soda machine for what seems like an eternity. She finally returns with a cup of cola that’s the size of five gallon bucket. I thought it was a joke. So, I say, “You’ve gotta be kidding me? You can’t possibly expect me to drink all of that.”

I’m serious. I didn’t know whether to put a straw in it or jump into it and do a couple of laps!

And with all of the concern over how my bladder was going to handle the 5 gallons of Coke, I had completely forgotten about the popcorn. Before I know it, two guys carry a “bucket” of popcorn around the counter and set it in front of me. I just stand there scratching my head as the guys return to the counter. The “bucket” was more like one of those large yellow recycling bins. I finally wound up dragging it back to my seat.

Just the other day, I met some friends for Happy Hour at a local bar. I was a little hungry so, like an idiot, I order the Monster Club sandwich. This thing was so big that I had to climb up onto one half while desperately tried to eat the other half! Somehow, someway, I managed to finish it. Now, I know how a snake feels after he eats a goat!

And it’s not only food thats been supersized. Look at people’s cars today. Most people aren’t driving compact cars or even mid-size sedans. They’re driving large SUV’s. Gas could go to $10 a gallon and people would still buy these fuel guzzling beasts.

Most of today’s drive-through ATM’s have been set up especially for SUV’s and trucks. When I pull up with my “regular” sized car, I can’t even reach the buttons. I’ve got to lean out of my window like a moron to conduct the transaction. Even then, I still have to lunge every time I attempt to push a button. One time, I lunged too far and almost fell out of my car. Luckily, my head hit the ATM machine and kept me from falling all the way out. And if this wasn’t bad enough, the guy in the SUV behind me is laughing his ass off. Normally, I would have gotten out asked him what the hell he thought was so funny. But since he just watched the ATM machine kick my ass, I really didn’t think I would look too intimidating.

I guess I’ll just have to accept the fact that I’m living in a super-sized world…….

KW