Will Work For Food (and Kung Fu Lessons)

As I sit at a random red light in the city, I see a man in dirty tattered clothing weaving his way through the stopped traffic. He’s got a barely legible cardboard sign in one hand and a large plastic cup in the other. For the most part, everyone pretends not to notice him. But every now and then, someone will reach out and drop a few coins into the man’s cup. If someone’s feeling especially generous, he might collect a dollar bill. As the light turns green, he scurries back to the median and waits for his next opportunity. This ritual continues indefinitely……

Between my job and my various social activities, I spend a fair amount of time in downtown Baltimore. I never have to drive too far before I start to run into the panhandlers with the “Will Work For Food” signs. It’s easy enough to feel sorry for these people, but after you see enough of them you naturally start to get numb to the whole thing.

I often wondered how these people wound up in such a state of despair. I mean, it must be really bad when you’ve exhausted any hint of hospitality from your family and/or friends. Who knows, maybe these people have no family. But nonetheless, it’s pretty pathetic to have to rely on the sympathy of total strangers for support. You really have to wonder about the story behind some of these people.

There’s one guy who sets up shop downtown on President Street near the Jones Falls Expressway. The initial sight of him tells me that his life has been less than ideal. The poor guy has three prosthetic limbs. Yes, three! It’s sad to watch him hobble through the traffic on his two artificial legs. But when he struggles to grasp his collection cup with his left hook, it's almost too much too take. Not surprising, the “crowd” usually has a pretty easy time finding a buck of two for him.

Before the County Executive clamped down on panhandling in my town, we had our share of interesting street peddlers.. For instance, there was a heavy set guy who used to work various parts of Ritchie Highway. Judging from the guy’s weight, he seemed to be eating pretty good (which casts a little suspicion on the whole "begging for food" thing). But the thing that stood out the most on this guy was the gaping open wound on his lower leg. I honestly don’t know how gangrene didn’t eventually set it. But for what seemed like years, this guy would work the traffic with his rotting leg in full view. Even in the winter, he would roll up his pants leg on the bad leg to make sure everyone saw it. (One time I caught sight of it just as I bit into a 7-11 Big Bite. Let's just say that my appetite quickly disappeared.)

Amazingly, this guy somehow had the ability to get around. Through the years, I’ve also seen him panhandling near Camden Yards, the corner of Falls Road and Northern Parkway and once, across town on Security Boulevard. Not bad for a guy who’s leg appears ready to fall off. I guess in the world of panhandlers, he would be considered to be “on tour”.

There was also a strange woman who used to do her thing on the corner of Ritchie Highway and Jumpers Hole Road. I don’t want to be too harsh, but this woman was right out of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. She would dance and sing for every new batch of stopped cars. She would sometimes spit out quotes of famous people then transition into a radio DJ routine. Then other times, she would go into a delusional rant then spontaneously break into tears. In an instant, it could go from being humorous to downright disturbing. I really felt bad for this woman and truly believe that she was mentally ill. I have no idea what ever happened to her. I hope she got the help she needed or at least wound up in a better place…..

And to lighten things up, some panhandlers like to get creative. On a recent trip to New York City, my brother-in-law and I met an interesting guy. While we were sitting in an Irish bar on Broadway, a homeless guy was out front was flipping through a series of signs in an attempt to get our attention. We eventually went outside and joked with the man. Surprisingly, he was friendly and in great spirits (as were we, thanks to the attentiveness of the bartender at the Irish bar!). One of the guy’s signs said, “Ninjas kidnapped my family. I need money for Kung Fu lessons!” (There were a few others that are probably best left unsaid). He had us rolling! We wound up dropping him a few bucks for the entertainment.

I’m sure you have seen your own cast of characters on the streets. Maybe you’ve even seen the ones I’ve described. I’m not saying that some or even most of these people didn’t put themselves in these positions. There’s no doubt in my mind, that if you helped some of these people, they would inevitably wind up back they started. And I can certainly understand the frustration with that. After all, if someone doesn’t want to help themselves, then why should I feel compelled to do it?

But nonetheless, the panhandlers with the cardboard signs are always going to be there. And whether they’re working for food, booze or Kung Fu lessons, they’ll always spark an interest in their own peculiar ways…..

KW