An Extra Crispy Woman

The past week a New Jersey woman was arrested for taking her 5 year-old daughter in to a tanning booth with her. State law prohibits anyone the age fourteen to enter an artificial tanning facility. It seems to be make sense to me.

I initially figured the New Jersey woman was just a bonehead who was trying to save money on a babysitter. But when I saw an interview with her on one of the news stations, I nearly spit out out a mouthful of Landshark. The woman's skin looked like an over-grilled hot dog! When I first saw her, I thought she was Al Jolson. As she spoke to the TV reporter, I had an uneasy feeling that her crispy face could crack at any moment. It was actually hard to watch and as a result, I'll never look at a piece of beef jerky the same way.

I have to wonder what the woman's defense will be for taking her daughter into the tanning booth. Perhaps she'll claim that she had a momentary lapse of reason? Her face might look like something from a KFC menu, but I have to imagine that her brain is more like a hard boiled egg.

This makes me wonder why some people are so obsessed with tanning. Where in live in Maryland, I've seen people with full tans in the middle of winter. To me, it just looks completely out of place. Sporting a Banana Boat tan in July is one thing, but when you're shoveling snow in January it just looks silly. In some cases, obsessive tanners resemble giant carrots as their skin resonates a distinctive orange glow.

I think a twenty-something woman looks great with a nice tan. But some middle aged women actually look worse as the tan highlights their sun-damaged leathery skin. I was in Walmart recently and saw a woman who appeared to be in her mid-50's. She had an artificial tan which sharply contrasted with her bleach-blond hair. To make sure that there was no doubt that she had a whole body tan, she wore denim shorts and white midriff-baring shirt. I could tell that the woman thought she was hot, but in reality, she looked quite nasty.

I have never personally been in a tanning booth. I always thought of them as a giant microwave. Plus, once summer rolls around, I'll get more than my share of sun while I'm bonding with Captain Morgan by the pool. And honestly, I'm too just too cheap to resort to a tanning bed. Why should I pay for a tan when I can walk outside and get one for free?

kw