John 5 - Uniquely Brilliant

I've been to many concerts in my life and I've seen a lot of unique guitar players. But last Thursday night, I experienced one of the most bizarre performances that I can ever remember.

First off, the headliner was the 80's hard rock band, Queensryche. They have always been one of my all-time favorite bands. I've seem them several times and they've always put on an awesome show. When I saw that they were playing at the nearby Baltimore Soundstage, I was initially on the fence about going. You see, I just don't do well with late weeknights anymore. Yes, I've grown old over the years and I need a good night's sleep to optimally function the next day. Anyway, when I saw that John 5 was going to be the opening act, I decided that I had to go.

If you don't know who John 5 is, check out some of his performances on YouTube. Yes, the guy is quite strange, but he is also a phenomenal guitar player. I knew I had to see him perform live, even if it was on a Thursday night.

So, when it finally came time for John 5 to take the stage, the bass player and drummer came out first. The bass player was a tall slender guy who looked more like a center for the Boston Celtics. Shortly afterwards, John 5 emerged from the right side of the stage. He slowly transitioned to the intro riff. The rhythm was infectious and it was followed by some predictable shredding. John 5, with his face painted with his signature black and white make-up, presented the image of a avant-garde rock star.

One of the first things that made me raise my eyebrows were the videos that were playing in the background. While John 5 was wailing on his fret-board, graphic scenes from "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" were rolling behind him. And then, the video would transition over to a scene from "The Flintstones". The contrast of a woman on a meat-hook followed by Fred and Barnie at the bowling alley is a lot for a brain to process.

At another point during the show, the band is jamming out to one of John's funky grooves. And then, from the left side of the stage comes this dancing Astronaut. This guy was spinning and bopping to the bass lines like he was John Travolta. At another point of the show, this guy comes out wearing this gigantic John 5 head. He looked like a living John 5 bobble-head doll. Meanwhile, the grind-house movies continue to play on the video screen behind the band. I had been drinking nothing but water all night but I seriously began to wonder if someone had slipped something into my Deer Park. 

About mid-way through the show, John 5 announced that things were about to really get weird. I felt an immediate impulse to run towards the door. But morbid curiosity kept me nailed to my spot on the floor. At this point, John 5 kicked off a melody of song riffs beginning with a couple of classic Rush tunes and then progressing to the likes of Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, Van Halen and Soundgarden. During the progression, a bunch of gigantic rubber balls were tossed into the crowd. They were kind of like beach balls but the rubber is a bit thicker. I know this because I had a couple of them bounce of the back of my head and nearly knock me into the person in front of me. But hey, it's all about the rock and roll experience, right?

But perhaps the strangest moment for me was when John 5 started to play this bluegrass progression. I remember watching Roy Clark play this kind of stuff on Hee-Haw back in the day. Roy would be picking his banjo next to a grinning Buck Owens in front of a haystack. But watching a guy with crazy white hair and face-paint kick out some bluegrass was a bit peculiar. And the weirdest part is that it was awesome! This guy had the technique and chops down pat!

As John 5's performance came to an end, I found myself slightly traumatized but strangely wanting more. In the end, it was one of the best guitar performances that I've ever seen. While it was entertainingly strange, it was also a brilliant display of musicianship. The drummer and bass player formed a tight pocket that allowed John 5's catchy riffs and blistering solos to shine. 

Oh, by the way, Queensryche was excellent as well!

kw

A Tale of Two Women

I have faced a multitude of challenges during my lifetime Some were trivial while others were literally life changing. But perhaps none have had quite the complexity of the challenge the that I'm currently facing. It all began last Christmas when another woman came to live with us. Her name is Alexa...

Alexa was first introduced into our home in the form of a Christmas gift from Ken Jr. She came enclosed in her own apartment which she calls the Amazon Show. At first, I didn't know how to react to all of this. First off, Alexa sounds a bit Russian to me. And I have always been a big fan of Russian women, especially Anna Kournikova. So, I figured why not? It seemed like it might be a good fit. What I didn't figure into the equation was Tina.

Ok, if some of you don't really know what I'm talking about by now, let me explain. An Amazon Show is a small electronic gadget that responds to any questions that you might have. The technical details of how it all works is irrelevant for this story. But the one requirement is that you preface each question with "Alexa....". For instance. "Alexa, what is the weather forecast for today?" Alexa, in her uniquely sexy voice, will then respond with a concise weather report for the day. I personally greet Alexa each morning as I pour my initial cup of coffee (she resides on the kitchen counter). She will greet me back and give me a few random tidbits of information. It's comforting, it's fun and yes, its a little weird. But nonetheless, Alexa is now part of the family.

But all families have their issues...

The other morning, I woke up to a commotion in the kitchen. I could hear Tina yelling at someone. It was 6 am, so I knew we didn't have any guests. So, I made me way down the stairs to see what was going on. With my hair shooting in 25 different angles and my eyes half-open, I asked, "Who were you yelling at?" 

Casually stirring her coffee, Tina totally bypasses my question and blurts out, "Alexa is a bitch!"

"Whoa! Why would you say something like that?", I instinctively ask.

Tina rolls her eyes and explains, "She never gives me a straight answer. And when I ask her the question again, she gives me an attitude!" 

(Now you guys know why I drink.)

"Hold on a minute. Don't you think your being a little unfair?" I ask in an attempt to keep the peace.

"Unfair? How the hell am I being unfair?", she replies.

"Well, you do have a habit of hemming and hawing when you ask a question. Alexa doesn't have time for that bullshit. Why can't you just ask a simple question instead of delivering a monologue?" I ask.

"Oh, so you're taking her side? You have no idea of the way she speaks to me!", she responds.

I scratch my head and try to figure out a way to resolve this. So, I say, "Ok, look, Let's all settle down for a minute. I'm going to demonstrate the proper way to address Alexa."

I then turn my attention to my favorite counter girl and ask, "Alexa, what is the capital of Idaho?"

Alexa immediately responds with the correct answer of Boise.

I follow up with, "Alexa, how many feet are in a mile?'

Right on cue. she answers, "There are five thousand, two hundred and eight feet in a mile."

I turn back to Tina and say, "You see how easy that is? Now, let's see if you can do it."

She walks over to the counter and gets right in Alexa's face. Before she can even say anything, I interrupt her. 

"Whoa! No wonder she has an attitude with you. Why would you get all up in someone's face like that? It's not only rude, it's aggressive!", I explain. "Now, let's try it again in a less belligerent manner."

Tina shoots me a dirty look and then turns back to Alexa. 

"Alexa....how many, uh,.....when did Stevie Nicks...no wait a minute. Alexa, what year did Stevie Nicks enter ......Yes, what year did she go into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?", she asks in an elevated voice.

I just observe in amazement as I try to imagine the confusion inside Alexa's virtual mind.

After a prolonged pause, Alexa finally responds, "Sorry, I can't make out everything you just said. But here is what I found on the Andes mountain range......"

As she shakes her and makes her way out of the kitchen, Tina shouts back, "Alexa, as usual, thanks for nothing!"

So, my friends, here is living proof that two women, no matter the make-up of their DNA or ROM, can not get along in close quarters.

kw

Neil Peart - The Professor

"You can choose from phantom fears

And kindness that can kill.

I will choose a path that's clear,

I will choose free will......."

- Neil Peart

I have always been a music fan, particularly of rock and roll. But as ironic or perhaps even hypocritical as it might be, I was never a huge fan of the drums. Maybe it was because I could never develop the necessary rhythmic timing to actually play the drums. But whatever the case, percussion just wasn't my thing. I grew up with a lot of talented drummers and I always admired their abilities. However, my interest limit on a drum solo was about 30 seconds.

But like with most things, there are exceptions......

The first time I heard Neil Peart play a solo on Rush's first live album ("All The World's A Stage"), he pleasantly exceeded my personal 30-second time limit. As bassist Geddy Lee introduced "The Professor of the Drum Kit", Neil proved to be exactly that. He was clearly a unique and brilliant percussionist. He and his impressive drum kit gradually became one. It was a rhythmical metamorphosis. He actually made me want to pick up a set of sticks and give it go (for the benefit of anyone within earshot, I never did).

If you want to treat yourself to some ear candy, listen to the song "YYZ". It's one of my favorite instrumentals ever. It oozes with energy and showcases the the talents of the whole band. (A bit of trivia.....Toronto is the hometown of Rush. YYZ is the airport code for Toronto's airport).

Aside from Peart's percussive talents, he was also the illustrious penman behind most of Rush's lyrics. I can remember listening to "2112" as youngster. As the title track progressed, I followed along with the lyrics which were printed on the inner sleeve of the album cover. I was intrigued by the story of this distant future civilization who was introduced to music by a nameless man. I remember listening to the entire first side and then, being so fascinated, I played it again. It was my introduction to the "concept album". It still remains my all-time favorite Rush album.

Peart's lyrics, not surprising, also had a rhythmic flow to them. He was gifted storyteller who made you eagerly anticipate the next line. His ability to organize a bunch of random words into something magical was pure genius. The fringe benefit to all of this for me personally was that it made me smarter. Yes, that's right. Any time I came across a word that I didn't know, I would flip open the nearest dictionary and look it up. So, in additional to being the professor of the drum kit, Peart could also be considered to be a professor of diction and vocabulary. In addition to all of the great Rush lyrics, Peart also authored several books.

Although Peart spent the last few decades performing in packed arenas, he ironically wasn't very fond of the spotlight. He usually left the Rush interviews to bassist/singer, Geddy Lee and guitarist, Alex Lifeson. Neil's take on being "cast in his unlikely role" can probably be best summarized in the song "Limelight". 

With Neil's recent passing, a huge void was left in the music world  He left behind countless admirers who were inspired by his prolific catalog of work. The recent outpouring of comments and tributes on social media is a testament to how much Neil Peart meant to music lovers everywhere. His legacy will no doubt carry on....

kw

A Christmas Story 2019

"A toast to my big brother, George. The richest man in town."

Harry Bailey - It's A Wonderful Life


For a child, Christmas Eve is a magical time filled with an overwhelming sense of anticipation. The mystical prospects of the following morning are almost too much to bear. But eventually, the sun comes up and the euphoric journey to the Christmas tree begins.  Overnight, the seeds that were planted under the tree have grown into full blossoms of excitement....

I look back on my childhood Christmas mornings. My parents were far from rich, at least in the monetary sense. But they did their best to put something under the tree that would put a smile on my face. Of course, this was back in the pre-PlayStation age where gifts were a lot cheaper. The most sophisticated electronics game that I ever received was a handheld Mattel football game where the players were represented by a few bright red dashes. Yes, it was primitive by today's standards, but back then it was electronic bliss.

On one particular Christmas morning, I was a bit disappointed to see that some of my gifts seemed to be pre-opened. Upon further inspection, I realized that these were actually second-hand gifts. My Dad used to dabble in flea markets and yard sales, so my assumption was that these items were picked up during his travels. Selfishly, I envisioned all of my friends unwrapping their brand new Christmas presents while I tried to make sense out of my recycled collection. How could my parents give me hand-me-downs for Christmas presents? To be honest, I felt a wee-bit slighted.

But as the day went on, I began to feel guilty. As the dim light bulb in my head began to illuminate, I realized that my parents were doing the best that they could. Whether they ordered my gifts from the beloved Montgomery Ward catalog or picked them up at a yard sale, it didn't really matter. The fact that they made an effort was enough for me. As the evening approached, I remember apologizing to my Mom about the way I felt that morning. But I still carried the guilt for quite some time for ever questioning my parent's love or generosity.

On a side note, I was fortunate enough to go to Cardinal Gibbons High School back in the day. You might question how my parents afforded to send me there. The truth of the matter is that my great-grandmother had always seen something in me that I could never seem to find in myself. And she always had high regards for CGHS. So, it was her wish that I go there. Knowing that my parents could never afford it, she left enough money in her will to cover my tuition. Sadly, she passed away before my freshman year but I will always be grateful for what she did for me. I'm not sure if I will ever meet her high expectations, but I will never stop trying.

Although material things can be fun and exciting, they pale in comparison to the intangible things that unite and inspire us. If there's one thing that I've learned through life, it's that you don't need a lot of money to be rich.

May each of you have a Merry Christmas.....

kw

Hypnotized By An Infomercial

This morning, I woke up, made my way down the stairs and followed the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. After pouring myself a large cup of the tasty stimulant, I plopped myself into my recliner and fired up the TV.

I never know what visual treats will await me first thing in the morning. But today, I was greeted with one of those traditional Time-Life commercials. On this particular morning, a couple of people were hawking a 150-song CD collection that featured soft rock songs of the 70's and 80's. I instinctively began to switch the channel, but the host kept saying, "But wait! There's more..."

I'm glad I did as it took me on a trip down memory lane...

I was intrigued by the various video clips of the artists who were performing these soft rock hits. For instance, Air Supply. Here was a band who had a string of hits back in the 80's. I was never particularly into them as I always liked the harder rock stuff. But I'm watching these two guys, one with an acoustic guitar and the other with a mini-Afro, belting out these sappy love songs while I quietly sipped my coffee.

There were other clips of 70's bands like America, Bread, Toto, Seals & Crofts and Firefall. There was also a string of solo artists like Boz Scaggs, Phil Collins, Kenny Loggins and Don McLean. Although these bands/individuals dominated the radio waves back in the day, it was interesting to see the faces behind the songs.

I saw a video of Christopher Cross singing his hit "Sailing". Cross was a stout-looking man but when he sang, he produced this unexpected high-pitched voice. It was sort of like hearing Mike Tyson talk for the first time. But in a different way.

The Doobie Brothers were also featured. I love the old Doobie songs like "China Groove", "Listen to the Music" and "Long Train Running". But the songs on this particular album collection were from the Michael McDonald years. He brought another element, mainly in the form of keyboards, to the band. They were good songs, but quite honestly, I was never a huge fan of the "softer" version of the Doobie's.

This infomercial was a long one. I was already ten minutes in. But the announcers assured me that we weren't done yet. So, like a hypnotized robot, I stayed tuned...

The next clip featured one of my all-time favorite guitar players, Peter Frampton. Of all the songs they could have picked from his catalog, they had him performing "I'm In You". I've always considered this song (and album of the same name) to be the "jump the shark" moment for Frampton (or maybe it was his appearance the Sgt. Peppers re-make, I dunno). But in the video, Frampton wasn't even holding his trademark Les Paul. I instantly wanted to change the channel but, as if the announcer sensed it, he said, "Hey, don't go away, there's more!" So, I stayed...

Next up was Linda Ronstadt doing "You're No Good". I'm not really sure if this one really fits into the traditional soft rock genre. But nonetheless, it's a good song (it was later covered by Van Halen). Looking back on Ronstadt herself, I think she was my first official boyhood crush. Back in the day, she was a very attractive woman and I loved the attitude that she injected into her performances.

The Cars also had a song in the collection. Unfortunately, it was "Drive". Although it was probably their biggest hit, I never really cared for it. If I had to pick one favorite Cars song, I would probably opt for "Moving In Stereo". They had a list of great songs but none rocked a pool scene quite the way this one did (If you don't know what I'm talking about, you obviously have never seen "Fast Times At Ridgemont High").

Perhaps one of the most profound marketing statements of the commercial was when one of the announcers pointed out that you could take the music with you and play the CD's in your car. It instantly made me think of the new Honda Pilot that I bought Tina a few years ago. After the first day of driving it, she informed me that I bought her a car without a CD player. This wasn't intentional as I assumed that every modern car these days comes with a CD player. Apparently, this isn't the case as everyone is now moving away from the "bulky" CDs and storing their collections on thumb-drives and I-pods. So, that's when I started the pain-staking task of copying my entire CD collection onto his and her thumb-drives. I only took me a few months but I guess it was worth it.....

Anyway, the infomercial went on for another fifteen minutes as it showcased performances by 70's/80's staples like Exile, Chicago, Bonnie Tyler and 10cc. In the end, I did not buy anything but as pointed out by the Little River Band, I definitely did some reminiscing....

kw

A Thanksgiving Message 2019

I've seen fire and I've seen rain,
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,
But I always thought that I'd see you again....

- James Taylor

Several years ago, my uncle passed away. He was a jolly, upbeat person who everyone loved. Although we didn't get together as often as maybe we should have, I always enjoyed his company. So, when he left this world, it was a big loss for everyone who had the pleasure of ever meeting him.

During his viewing, a family friend brought his guitar and played a rendition of James Taylor's "Fire and Rain". I had heard the song many times before. I always thought is was a nice song but it never really struck an emotional chord for me. But when our friend started to play the opening notes with our uncle laying motionless behind him, the emotion could be felt throughout the entire room. It was a beautiful moment. When he sang the last line of the chorus, it took everything I had to hold back the tears. I finally got what the song was all about.

This morning, for some unknown reason, I picked up my acoustic guitar and started to play the classic James Taylor tune. As I strummed the chords to the chorus,  I instinctively reflected on the family and friends that I have lost in recent years. I felt an instant rush of emotion that gave way to a subtle smile. A simple thing, but so powerful.

As we go through life, we meet many people. Some are family, some are friends. But they all touch us in their own unique way. As the years go by, our interactions and exchanges transition into precious memories. With each recurring encounter, we seldom consider that the next encounter may never come. Sadly, tomorrow is never guaranteed. That's why its so important to live life to the fullest and try to embellish the lives of everyone around you. And if you happen to meet a stranger who doesn't have a smile, be generous and give them yours. We all have friends out there who we have yet to meet...

On this day of giving thanks, be sure to remember all of those important people in your life, past and present. Be thankful for all of the good times that you have shared and will continue to share. And try to set aside your differences and appreciate the things that unite us and make us happy.

And last but certainly not least, please remember the troops and first responders who work hard today and every day to keep us safe and secure.

Happy Thanksgiving!

kw

Perils of the Modern Business World

There are many different reasons why a start-up company becomes successful. The ability to make a presence in today's market place requires ingenuity, vision and effective marketing. And sometimes, a bit of luck can factor into the the equation too. But the key to maintaining a successful business can often be a little more tricky...

To stay successful, a company needs to recognize the evolution of it's business. Many companies respond to these changes. However, the most successful companies have the foresight to proactively make the changes that will keep them in a lead position of the never-ending race. No company, despite how beloved or iconic, is exempt from failure when they ignore the necessity to innovate and renew.

One the first companies that comes to mind is Blockbuster Video (For you youngsters out there, Blockbuster was a brick-and-mortar store where you could rent your favorite movie or video game. As hard as it might be to fathom, you actually had to get off of the couch and physically go to the store to obtain your rental). With the streaming business on the horizon, it was Blockbuster who chose to sit on the couch while Netflix bulldozed it's way to the top of the online video business. Ironically, in 2000, Netflix proposed an idea to Blockbuster to run their online business. Blockbuster turned it down and blindly coasted to their peak in 2004. Today, Netflix is a multi-billion dollar success story while Blockbuster is down to it's last dying breath in the form of it's lone store in Bend, Oregon.

And remember when Kodak trademarked their "moment"? Well, like most good things, it too has passed. With every increasing mega-pixel, Kodak watched the demand on their traditional film supply rapidly give way to the digital age. Perhaps the most puzzling thing about Kodak's demise is that the first digital camera was invented by Steve Sasson, (drum roll please), a Kodak engineer! Although it was right on their doorstep, the leaders of Kodak failed to see the looming revolution of digital photography. I still have one of their old Kodak Disk camera's buried in my basement somewhere. I wonder what it would fetch on Ebay?

Sears is another troubled company that personally saddens me. I have been shopping here since I was a young boy. I bought my first pair of Levis here (after I outgrew my Tough-Skins, of course). Sears also supplied me with my first retail credit card (I'm still a cardholder today). But I guess the writing was one the wall when the "Made In China" inscription began to appear on my beloved "all-American" Craftsman hand tools. Subsequently, Sears leadership failed to recognize the threat of "inferior" discount stores like Walmart. More and more Sears stores close every year. Although I see it as inevitable, I can't imagine a world without Sears.

And America Online.. Yes, I personally invested and lost my ass on this one. I am one of the few remaining people in the western hemisphere to still have an AOL email account. I'm a traditionalist, what can I say?

The US Postal Service is a hard one to figure out. Although it loses billions of dollars every year, it somehow remains afloat. It's like the Titanic with an adequate supply of life boats.  There have been several dramatic ideas over recent years of how to turn the ship around. But none have gained any traction up to this point. The USPS differs from the traditional companies as it's a quasi-government agency. And with the Post Office having the third highest civilian work force in the US, can it be one of those entities that truly is too big too fail? Stay tuned on this one...

Perhaps the closet to my heart are the countless record stores that suffered a brutal defeat at the hands of the digital download. It was a right of passage to to make the trek to your favorite record/tape/CD sore and thumb through the latest releases. Although the instant attainability of a digital copy is attractive, it also destroyed an American tradition. I'm not sure places like Sam Goody and Tower Records ever had a fair chance to compete. With the introduction of Napster and then the discounted downloads of Amazon, it would have taken a marketing version of Einstein to save their sinking ship. But, with all of this being said. I will always cherish that moment of leaving the record store with my first copy of "Cat Scratch Fever". The looks, the mumbling and at least one unexpected reference to Charles Manson. You just can't get those reactions with a digital download....

kw