So, now unless I want to look like I'm walking around on two giant Q-tips, I really need to get some sun on my feet. Maybe I'll get one of those big shiny "face-tanning" boards that I see the old people using on the beach. Of course, I'll improvise and use it to roast my dogs.
Aside from my feet, I also have another issue. Since I've gained a few pounds over the years, my midsection doesn't tan completely. My protruding belly now eclipses the area just below my chest. As a result, I walk around with a white stripe across the middle of my torso. I kind of look like one of those multi-colored hyenas that you see on the National Geographic channel. So, in order to get an even tan, I'll have to perform the King Pigeon yoga pose. And that can only mean a trip to the ER after I inevitably dislocate a vertebrae.
I guess if I really wanted to get that perfect tan, I could always use one of those tanning beds at my gym. But there's just something that doesn't seem right about a man getting an artificial tan. Yeah, I know that there are a lot of guys who go this route, but I always figure that they're the same guys who carry man purses. Personally, I don't want to be part of any of this.
I know you're supposed to wear sunscreen before spending extended amounts of time in the sun. But I seldom do. Sunscreens always winds up running into my eyes. It might protect my skin but it sure makes my eyes burn like hell. And once I start sweating, the sunscreen becomes all slimy and makes me feel like a giant eel.
I've never been good with any of this tanning stuff anyway. Many years ago, in an attempt to keep from my skin from getting scorched, I put on what I thought was sunscreen. As it turns out, it was actually accelerator! After about 20 minutes in the direct sun, I smelled something burning. It reminded me of one of those Hatfield ham steaks sizzling in the frying pan. As you probably guessed, I was the one who was frying! I would have probably been better off if I had lathered up with Vaseline. (I guess it doesn't help that I'm usually drinking when I'm hanging out by the pool.)
Maybe I'll just play it safe and wear jeans and a sweater to the pool next time. A good, even tan is just too much effort......
kw
I guess if I really wanted to get that perfect tan, I could always use one of those tanning beds at my gym. But there's just something that doesn't seem right about a man getting an artificial tan. Yeah, I know that there are a lot of guys who go this route, but I always figure that they're the same guys who carry man purses. Personally, I don't want to be part of any of this.
I know you're supposed to wear sunscreen before spending extended amounts of time in the sun. But I seldom do. Sunscreens always winds up running into my eyes. It might protect my skin but it sure makes my eyes burn like hell. And once I start sweating, the sunscreen becomes all slimy and makes me feel like a giant eel.
I've never been good with any of this tanning stuff anyway. Many years ago, in an attempt to keep from my skin from getting scorched, I put on what I thought was sunscreen. As it turns out, it was actually accelerator! After about 20 minutes in the direct sun, I smelled something burning. It reminded me of one of those Hatfield ham steaks sizzling in the frying pan. As you probably guessed, I was the one who was frying! I would have probably been better off if I had lathered up with Vaseline. (I guess it doesn't help that I'm usually drinking when I'm hanging out by the pool.)
Maybe I'll just play it safe and wear jeans and a sweater to the pool next time. A good, even tan is just too much effort......
kw
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