Case in point.....
This morning I'm driving on route 10 in Glen Burnie. I'm cruising in the fast lane minding my own business. I'm really grooving to the Rolling Stone's "Miss You", feeling every bass note thump through my car's stereo. Then, all of a sudden, I'm forced to swerve onto the left shoulder because the driver in the next lane decides he's coming over. Well, he finally realizes that there's not enough room for the two of us and swerves back into his own lane. Then, you gotta love this, he gives me the finger! Can you believe this? He practically runs me into a ditch and he's the one who's pissed. Since we were doing 60 mph, kicking his ass wasn't a valid option, So, I took a deep breath and tuned back into Mick Jagger, who brightened my mood by telling me about some Puerto Rican girls who were just dying to meet me.
Last week, I'm driving towards Columbia. The traffic was absolutely horrendous due to unfavorable weather conditions. There were accidents everywhere and the ride to my local office, which is normally about twenty minutes, took an hour and a half. I can understand people being a bit grumpy, but hey, I'm stuck in this mess too. Well, at one point, I needed to switch lanes on route 175. So, I put on my blinker and slid between two cars in the adjacent lane. The car behind me was at least five car lengths behind me and we were only doing about 15 mph, so it wasn't like I cut him off. But the driver starts going absolutely ape-shit. He's screaming and pointing at me like I'm the anti-Christ. And I could see his face was as red as a baboon's ass. I couldn't figure this guy out. Was he really that pissed because I was going to make it to the next bottleneck before him? As the cars slowed to a halt, the lunatic rolled down his window and spewed profanities like he was recording a gangsta-rap album. Now, through the years, I've found that if you stay calm in these situations, it pisses these morons off even more. So, I let him go on for a little while longer and then, because it happened to be February 14, I rolled down my own window and yelled, "Happy Valentine's Day!" The screaming abruptly stopped as the confusion took over. As I pulled away, I noticed that he now had a "WTF" expression on his face. Somehow, I felt victorious.....
A few years ago, while waiting for a red light, the car behind me began to drift dangerously close to my back bumper. In an effort to alert the driver, a woman who seemed to be obliviously texting, I tooted my horn. This caused the woman to hit the brakes as she instantly saw that she was a few inches from my back bumper. I figured I did her a favor. Being the nice guy that I am, I even gave her a friendly wave. Well, all of a sudden the woman turns into Linda Blair from The Exorcist. She starts dropping f-bombs and calling me an asshole and other unflattering parts of the male anatomy. The kicker is that she had two small children in the car with her.
Is there something in the Maryland air that makes the drivers so cranky? Or am I the only one who crosses paths with these morons??
kw
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