Wednesday, March 9, 2016

I Survived The Hanover Street Bridge

For years, I've been expecting to hear that the Hanover Street bridge (in Baltimore) has fallen into the Patapsco River. Well, this morning it got one step closer to getting there. Lanes were temporarily closed while workers repaired a 2-foot hole in the bridge. That's almost large enough to swallow a Smart Car.

The 100-year-old bridge is so battered and beaten that I'm surprised the city doesn't required a mandatory flotation device when driving over it. It's only a matter of time before something falls through. Road crews are constantly trying to stay ahead of the spontaneous cracks and potholes. If they stay away for a week or two, the road surface begins to look like a piece of Swiss cheese.

The city recently paid a group of consultants $1.8 million to determine whether the bridge should be replaced. Really? They thought it was necessary to pay almost $2 million for this??

While some may still view it as a bridge, I see more as a thrill ride... 

Recently, Tina and I were visiting a relative at Harbor Hospital Center. After our visit, we decided to grab a bite at Nick's Crab House which is just on the other side of the bridge. Channeling my inner Speed Racer. I fell into a daydream.....

I gunned the engine of my Honda as I approached the foot of the bridge. You could hear the ominous rumbling of the concrete below. I accelerated to a high rate of speed as the bridge began to crumble behind me. Just my luck! They were raising the drawbridge! Wiping the sweat from my brow, I pressed the gas pedal to the floor. I cleared the drawbridge in a flash and became airborne. Sailing through the Baltimore sky, I carefully scanned what was left of the road below. If we didn't hit a stable piece of the bridge, we would surely plunge directly into the river. Thinking about what lurked in that filthy water frightened me even more. What would Speed Racer do?? My heart was beating like a double-bass drum! I FINALLY came down with a violent thud.....

Of course, the "violent thud" was just another real-life pothole that absolutely ruined my daydream. So, now we're back to reality....

Aside from some possible alignment issues with my front end, we made to Nick's unscathed. I wiped the sweat off of my brow realizing what we had just accomplished. No, it wasn't as dramatic as my daydream. But it was still quite scary.  As the waitress welcomed us, I joked, "Thank you. And, I'll have you know, we survived the Hanover Street bridge to get here."

Just then, a light bulb went off!

What a great idea for a marketing campaign. I could get t-shirts (and other things) made with the slogan "I Survived The Hanover Street Bridge". This would be the biggest catch phrase in these parts since the "Ohhhhhhh" became part of the National Anthem.

I'm going to put my slogan on t-shirts, coffee mugs, refrigerator magnets, bumper stickers, you name it. This is going to be bigger than the "Shit Happens" craze. I need to talk to a printing company to get things rolling. But this is official notice that I'm coining the phrase "I survived the Hanover Street Bridge".

kw

No comments:

Post a Comment