Good evening, folks. Welcome to the evening news. I'm Donald Trump....
Tonight, we start with breaking news from west Baltimore where news crews are on the scene of a deadly accident. I have to say, west Baltimore is a very dangerous place. Very dangerous. Trust me, you don't want to be passing through that part of town unless you're accompanied by the National Guard. By the way, I love the National Guard. They're fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. But if anyone tells you that Baltimore is safe, they're lying like Ted Cruz.
Anyway, back to that accident.....From what we understand, a Ford F150 and a Toyota Pruis met head-on while traveling along North Avenue. I tell you folks, a Prius might save you a few bucks at the gas pump. But in this case, you definitely want to go with the pick-up truck. I've met many of the fine folks who make these vehicles and I can tell you, they are good people. Wonderful people, those Ford pick-up guys. Anyway, we'll update this story when we get more details. But, I can tell you, that guy in the Prius is having a very bad day. Very bad.....
Also today in the city, there was a double shooting. Well, I can't say that I'm surprised. Like I said earlier, Baltimore is very dangerous. If I was Mayor of the city, I can tell you this.......things would be much, much different. You see, the reason that this stuff goes on is that no one cooperates with the police. And by the way, I love the police. They're wonderful people. I love black cops, white cops, Hispanic cops. I love the Hispanics. I've got many, many Hispanic friends. And this I can tell you....they are wonderful people. Like I said, if I was mayor, things would be much different. It would be so great. People would call me on the phone and tell me how great it is.
Also today in the city, there was a double shooting. Well, I can't say that I'm surprised. Like I said earlier, Baltimore is very dangerous. If I was Mayor of the city, I can tell you this.......things would be much, much different. You see, the reason that this stuff goes on is that no one cooperates with the police. And by the way, I love the police. They're wonderful people. I love black cops, white cops, Hispanic cops. I love the Hispanics. I've got many, many Hispanic friends. And this I can tell you....they are wonderful people. Like I said, if I was mayor, things would be much different. It would be so great. People would call me on the phone and tell me how great it is.
Now, let us take a look at the weather. Today, it's 75 degrees and sunny. It's absolutely beautiful folks. I don't want to sound conceited, but I must say, it's very Trump-like. I took a walk through the park at lunchtime today. After a few minutes, I have to tell you, I was sweating like Marco Rubio. Now, there's a guy who knows a thing or two about perspiration. Trust me folks, it's warm out there.
Moving on to sports........I must tell you, I love sports. I am actually a very good athlete. You name it, I can play it. Big balls, little balls, hard balls, soft balls, it doesn't matter. Put 'em all in my hands. I can catch it, hit it, shoot it, dunk it, whatever. It's an awesome thing to see. People are always so impressed. By the way, have you seen the size of my hands. Are you kidding me?
Yep, it would go something like that......
kw
Moving on to sports........I must tell you, I love sports. I am actually a very good athlete. You name it, I can play it. Big balls, little balls, hard balls, soft balls, it doesn't matter. Put 'em all in my hands. I can catch it, hit it, shoot it, dunk it, whatever. It's an awesome thing to see. People are always so impressed. By the way, have you seen the size of my hands. Are you kidding me?
Yep, it would go something like that......
kw
No comments:
Post a Comment