An Abundance Of Surveys

What is it with all of these surveys today? Every time I make a transaction of any kind, I'm asked to complete a survey. I assume all of the completed surveys are fed to a group of mysterious bean counters somewhere in the world where they crunch the numbers and regurgitate them to the business execs who, in turn, tweak them to fit their agendas.

When the numbers are all polished up, we'll likely hear those four words "in a recent survey" followed by a line of tweaked bullshit.

I was in line at a popular sporting goods store recently (Let's just say the store shares it's name with a part of the male anatomy). Anyway, I waited patiently in line while the young female cashier conducted a cell phone argument with her boyfriend. My body English must have told her that I was getting annoyed, so she abruptly ended the phone call. Well, just as she starts to scan my items, the phone rings again. And guess what she does? She answers it! The boyfriend didn't take too kindly to being hung up on, so he starts round two. She keeps telling him, "Ok, ok, I'm working. We'll talk about it later. No, don't do that! I'll see you later. Please, stop! I'm going to have to call you back. Yes, yes, I know. You're gonna get me in trouble. I gotta go......."

Then she looks at me, and gives me the "one minute" gesture with her index finger.

I look at my watch and say, "This is ridiculous. Is there anyone else who can help me?" Then, she cuts the angry boyfriend off and hangs up the phone once again. Before she can complete a half-hearted apology, a deep vibration comes from inside her front pocket. I assume it was her phone, but you never know. So, I just give her "the look". Then she says, "I'll call him back later." How considerate of her......

Well, after she puts my purchases into a bag, she hands me the receipt and tells me that if I go online and fill out the  survey, I can win a $50 gift certificate. I couldn't believe this girl had the nerve to ask me to complete a survey after this. I literally almost laughed out loud.

Another recent survey came after I took my car in for a safety recall. I received a couple of email surveys, but I deleted them without filling them out. So, not taking no for an answer, I get a call from the corporate office. They want to do a phone survey with me. They tell me that it's being recorded. I can't understand why my conversation needs to be recorded, but I agree to the interview where I'm asked the predictable questions:

• Was the service satisfactory?
• Was the staff courteous?
• Did I receive adequate updates?
• Did I enjoy the complimentary soft drinks and Rice Krispy Treats?

The woman then asks me if there's anything that I'd like to see changed. I tell her to trade in the soda and Rice Crispy Treats for beer and beef jerky. If that's not possible, then at least put an end to these silly surveys. There's a brief silence on the other end of the phone, then she responds, "Well, Mr. Wilson, we certainly appreciate your feedback. Thank you and have a nice day." Was it something I said??

I think it goes without saying, I'm not fond of surveys........

kw