Excuse Me, Sir

If one more person comes up to me today and asks me for money, I’m going to go postal! For God’s sake, will you people please leave me the hell alone?!?!

I was downtown earlier today, so it’s not surprising that I ran into the predictable “will work for food” assholes. You think I’m being a little tough when I call them assholes? Too bad! I’m tired of their bullshit. They’re liars. They’re not working for any food. In fact they wouldn’t work if you offered them a hundred bucks an hour. I’d actually have a little respect for them if they would at least hold up a sign that said something like “Who am I kidding? I want to get shitfaced! So, how about helping a brother out?”

On the way home from work, I stopped off at the local Giant supermarket. I’ve had a stressful day already and I’m not in the mood for any left handed bullshit. Well, as soon as I get out of my car, here it comes. I'm immediately confronted by a middle aged woman who looks like she may have hitchhiked from Patapsco Avenue. She gives me a bullshit story about running out of gas. She’s “so embarrassed” and just needs enough gas money to get back to Annapolis. Just to get her away from me, I give her roughly $1 in loose change and head into the store.

Well, I come out about twenty minutes later, and I’ll be a son of a bitch! She heads right at me again! This time I meet her head on and say, “Haven't we met somewhere before??” The stupid bitch doesn’t even remember me! Kids, let this be a lesson. Stay away from drugs!

Shortly afterward.....

I had a couple hours of online work that I needed to finish at home. Anyone that really knows me can tell you that I hate to be interrupted when I’m working on something. So, right on cue, I hear a knock at the door. It’s a f*cking sales guy! He wants me to buy some magazine subscriptions so he can win some kind of contest. Can you believe this bullshit? I told him he should stop by the bowling lanes tonight and buy my team a round of beers to help us win our contest! He goes back to his scripted routine until I finally say, “I’m sorry, I don’t have time for this bullshit. But good luck.” As he’s walking away, he sarcastically says that he doesn’t need “sorrys and good luck”, he needs people to pull out their checkbook. At that point, the only thing that was getting pulled out was a bucket of whoop-ass! He’s lucky I didn’t drop kick his ass right in the middle of my front lawn. That would have been a sight for the neighbors!

So God help me, I pity the next fool that solicits me!



KW