Hunters And Gatherers

Before I even start this one, I want to please ask that everyone put their weapons down. I’m pro-Second Amendment but I don’t want to have to keep looking for snipers as I’m writing this. You can pick your guns up at the door on the way out.

Let us begin…..

Hunting has been around forever. Some people would argue that it’s necessary to sustain life. I’ll buy that to some degree. After all, they didn’t have Miracle-Gro back in Fred Flintstone’s day. So, if prehistoric man wanted to eat, he had to take the slingshot out and look for a Wooly Mammoth.

Millions of years later, the supermarket was invented but men still continue to hunt. I have a hard time understanding this. Why would someone want to spend a weekend freezing their ass off in a tree stand just to shoot a deer? Then, after you shoot the thing, you’ve got to gut him, then drag the poor bastard through the woods back to your truck. Seems like a lot of work for a mediocre piece of meat.

I can run down to the local wholesale club and have my steaks on the grill before my hunter friends even have their tree stands in place. And I didn’t have to get my hands dirty. Hey, I know there was some dirty work involved in getting my steak from the pasture to my grill. I also know that I have no interest in being part of it. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite. But as long as there are supermarkets, I have no plans on killing my own meals. I prefer to be a gatherer rather than a hunter.

(By the way, isn’t sitting in a tree stand and waiting for a deer to wander into your sights more like sniping rather than hunting? Just a thought…….)

Some guys have told me, “There’s nothing like a great piece of venison!” Ahh, bullshit! I can get a filet mignon at any Outback Steakhouse that will run circles around that deer steak. And all I have to do is walk in the door and ask for it! No climbing trees. No freezing my ass off. No dragging an animal carcass through the woods. And no mess! (other than a possible spilled beer at my table.)

For those guys who truly like deer meat, God bless you. But for those who do it simply for sport, I’ve got a suggestion. Take up golf or tennis and treat yourself to a New York Strip when you’re done playing.

All right guys, I’m finished. Give me a five minute head start before you pick up your guns….

KW