Random Thoughts of Baseball

As I was watching last night's game, the usual baseball thoughts ran through my head: Will the pitcher through high and tight? Or will he throw an off-speed breaking ball? Will Tony LaRussa pinch hit for Chris Carpenter in the late innings? Playing from behind, will Texas try to "manufacture" a run or two by sacrificing runners into scoring position?

Although I don't follow baseball the way that I used to, I have to admit that this year's World Series grabbed my attention. St. Louis and Texas played their hearts out and took the series to the final game last night. Of course, the Cardinals wound up winning. But Texas deserves a ton of credit for their quest to become World Series champions for the first time in franchise history. Maybe next year......

All legitimate thoughts, but I also had some other random things dancing through my mind.......

For instance, why does the manager (and coaches) in baseball wear a uniform? It's not like their going to see any playing time. I believe that baseball is the only professional sport that does this. Back in the old days of Connie Mack and company, baseball managers used to wear suits. Maybe a bit overkill, but so is seeing a 260 pound coach squeezing his ass into a pair of form-fitting pinstripes. Can you imagine an NFL coach standing on the sidelines in a helmet and shoulder pads? Or an NBA coach in a pair of shorts? Ok, I think you get the point....

And what's up with the all of the tobacco chewing in baseball? I'm sure there are other athletes who partake in this nasty habit, but it seems to be most evident in baseball. Every time the camera pans the field, you can see a player or two spitting spent tobacco juice onto the field, especially around the batters box. I would really hate to be a catcher! And can you imagine rounding third and realizing that you have to slide into that brown puddle around home plate? No thanks, I think I'll retreat back to third base!

And what's the purpose of the first base coach? After all, professional baseball players have been in the game since they were kids. Don't you think they know that they have to run to first base after hitting the ball? And on their their way to first base, the whole play is in front of them. Do they really need someone to explain what's going on? If the pitcher attempts a pick-off play, the coach yells, "Get back!" Really? I would have never figured that one out......

And then there is the "purpose pitch". This is where a pitcher "sends a message" by plucking the batter with a 90 mph fastball. If he wants to put an exclamation point on it, the pitcher will queue up some "chin music". This is where he sails the ball dangerously close to the batters head. Of course, this always presents the potential for a bench-clearing brawl. And there's always a possibility a key player will get ejected or injured. Some of the most infamous brawls that immediately come to mind:

• 1993 Seattle Mariners and the Baltimore Orioles - For twenty minutes, Camden Yards looked like LA after the Rodney King verdict. Plenty ejections and injuries in this one. 
• 2003 playoffs between the Yankees and Red Sox - Upon charging the pitcher's mound, 72 year-old coach Don Zimmer was tossed to the ground by Boston ace Pedro Martinez.
• 1993 Nolan Ryan vs. Robin Ventura - My all-time favorite! After getting plunked with a 100 mph fastball, Ventura charged towards the 44 year-old Ryan. Ventura was immediately caught in a headlock and received numerous pop-knots to his skull courtesy of the strike-out king. Keep in mind that Ventura was 20 years younger than Nolan Ryan! Thank goodness Texas catcher Ivan Rodriguez was there to save him!

So, with all of this said, does it really make sense for star players to risk injury during these melees? Here's my idea...

 In hockey, teams have a designated "goon". This guys main purpose is to go in and take care of business when bad blood is brewing. He is the enforcer! So, I propose that we have the same thing in baseball. Instead of risking injury to star players, each team could add an MMA cage fighter to the roster. In the event of any chin music, these guys would come rushing out of the opposing dugouts and whoop each other's ass on the pitcher's mound. I can see it now, the crowd would go wild!

Ok, let's settle down a bit. Another thing that I don't understand is why baseball players are always "adjusting" themselves. I saw one particular player grabbing at his crotch so much that I thought I was watching the video for Thriller!

And what's up with all of the long hair and dreadlocks these days? I can remember watching Johnny Damon from the Red Sox several years ago. He looked like the caveman from the Geico commercials. You would never catch Nolan Ryan looking like that!

I'm glad that was able to shed some light on all of these little nuances of the game. I hope that this will enhance the experience of your next ball game.....

kw

Love Those Scary Movies

With the Halloween season here, there's no better time to tune into a scary movie. A good horror movie has the ability to kick up our adrenaline and boost our heart rates (and we don't even have to go to a gym!). You certainly don't get that reaction from a romantic comedy. Although I don't watch many horror flicks anymore, I still have a few that stick in my mind. Here's a list of my top ten:


10. Friday the 13th - A bit of a "Halloween" rip-off, the original "Friday the 13th" accelerated the movement of crazed slasher films. The poor campers at Crystal Lake never stood a chance against the lurking Jason. Although the barrage of sequels became a bit ridiculous, I really liked the first Friday.

9. The Blair Witch Project - You either love or hate this movie. Personally, I thought it was great. A group of young film makers get lost in the woods while doing a documentary on the elusive Blair Witch. Shot without a soundtrack, this movie created an eerie feeling of uneasiness. And the ending was just downright scary.

8. Hostel - Movies that put unsuspecting Americans in dire straits while traveling abroad always have great potential. This one had me guessing until the end. Could something like this really happen? I sure wouldn't want to find out.

7. When A Stranger Calls - "We've traced the call. And it's coming from inside of the house"! One of the most frightening movie lines ever!

6. The Amityville Horror - I loved both the original and the remake. I would have moved out of the house on the first day! Being "based on a true story" made this one even more scary.

5. The Strangers - One of the more recent scary movies that I've seen, I found this one to be downright terrifying. Who were these people? And why did they decide to stop at this house? Liv Tyler gave a great performance. It definitely had me on the edge of my seat.

4. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - One of the creepiest movies ever. The character Leatherface was loosely based on serial killer Ed Gein. This only added to the macabre of this film. The remote farmhouse was the perfect setting for this gritty adventure.

3. Halloween - A horror classic! A crazed madman who escapes from a mental institution always has unlimited potential to terrify us. Michael Myers is the epitome of a horror movie villain. Never knowing when he would be lurking behind a bush or a set of curtains kept audiences on the edge of their seats.

2. The Exorcist - When the devil comes to town, you know things are going to be rough. I saw this one when I was quite young and it scared the BeJesus out of me! Regan MacNeil remains one of the most iconic horror movie characters ever. Ironically, years later, I developed a crush on Linda Blair. I'm not sure what this says about me but there you have it....

1. The Shining - Regarding Stephen King, this is one the rare exceptions where the movie was better than the book. Watching Jack Nicholson's character's descent into madness was very compelling. Who can forget the classic "Here's Johnny" line? The setting and cast were perfect but beleive it or not, Jack Nicholson was not the first choice to play the lead role. Director Stanley Kubrick had Robert DeNiro and Robin Williams in mind, while writer Stephen King had his eyes on Jon Voight. A brilliant movie that I'll never get tired of watching.

An honorable mention goes out to "Saw" which provided a different twist on the traditional horror movie. I think they went a little crazy with the sequels, but the original film is definitely worth watching. It has plenty of gore with an element of suspense.

Although it didn't make my top ten, I must mention the movie Scream for a very good reason. While in Colorado years ago, I was looking to kill some time one Tuesday evening. So, I decided to catch a movie. I had heard some good reviews about Scream, so I bought a ticket. It turns out that not many people in Colorado go to the movies on a Tuesday night because I was the only person in the theater! I have to tell you, to watch a horror movie totally alone in a dark theater is the way to go! Impulsively, I kept looking behind me to see if anyone was sneaking up on me. I felt like I was ten years old! A unique adventure indeed.

Happy Halloween!

kw

Barbie Gets A Tattoo

It's a tough world out there. Countless Americans are out of work. The national deficit is soaring. Kids in Africa are starving. All serious problems, no doubt. But there's one other thing that has at least a few people really upset. Yes, it's true, Barbie went out and got herself a tattoo.

Named the "Tokidoki Barbie", the classic doll is sporting tattoos that run up her left arm and onto her chest and neck. Although I've read that tattooed barbie is being marketed to adult collectors, it has still managed to ruffle the feathers of many conservative mothers. Their argument is that it sets a bad example.

Hot or not? You be the judge....

Ok, I get the argument to some degree but I'm not sure why so much is being made of this. After all, countless Americans have tattoos. They are so mainstream, it's a challenge to find someone without one. So, if Barbie wants to get a tramp stamp, is it really that big of a deal? And if you don't want your daughter to have one, simply don't buy it. (By the way, I understand that these dolls come with a $50 price tag. Ouch!)

There was a time when tattoos had a negative stigma attached to them. But nowadays, they are so common that, unless you have "Thug Life" inked across your forehead, you're unlikely to even raise an eyebrow.

Several years ago, I got some pressure to get a tattoo. But I chose instead to express my individuality by remaining inkless. I'm one of probably a handful of people south of the Mason-Dixon line who hasn't been inked, pierced, implanted, branded or bleached yet. That's gotta qualify me for some kind of federal minority status!

Getting back to the point, I can't help but wonder if there will be other variations of Barbie to reflect the progressive image of modern day society. Perhaps they might even be a bit more risque and controversial. If Mattell is looking for any ideas, here are a few that immediately come to mind:

• Crystal Meth Barbie - optional dentures and cigarettes available
• Butch Barbie - complete with Jeep and flannel shirt assortment
• Occupy Wall-Street Barbie (limited edition) - optional tent and personal hygiene kit available
• Ghetto Barbie - optional "Baby-Daddy" Ken available
• Muffin-Top Barbie - comes with stretch jeans and tube top
• Transgender Barbie - easily converts into Ken
• Botox Barbie - comes with syringe and year supply of collagen

Hey, you all laugh but I might be onto something here. If the tattooed Barbie makes a profit, there's no telling what might come next. So, if any of my ideas come to market, I want credit.....

kw

I'm A Little Bit Country

Over the past few years, some of my rock and roll buddies have been giving me a hard time about my fondness of country music. I don't know why, maybe it has something to do with the recent Hank Williams Jr. controversy, but I feel the need to explain myself. So, here it goes....

Growing up, I was forced to listen to my Dad's country tunes coming from his truck's 8-track player on our frequent trips to visit the relatives in North Carolina.. He would listen to artists like Buck Owens, Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard and The Statler Brothers. I was more into the pop oriented music, but some of the country stuff grew on me. I mean, how can you not like "Okie From Muskogee" or "Folsom Prison Blues"?

To be perfectly honest, country music was not cool to twelve year olds. In fact, I didn't know of any kids who were into it. The guys were all into Peter Frampton, Kiss and Aerosmith while the girls were into the teeny bopper idols like Shaun Cassidy and Leif Garrett (before he started his rehab career).

Then came the eighties.....

When the heavy metal and big-hair bands hit the scene, country seemed doomed forever in my eyes. I mean, how could Conway Twitty ever compete with Rob Halford from Judas Priest? And what about Ozzy Osbourne? You almost had to feel sorry for the country stars.

But something began to happen in the 90's. The Seattle grunge movement began to shift the traditional direction of blues based rock and roll. At the same time, rap "music" began to gain popularity. Before long, good ol' rock and roll took a back seat and there was hardly any new artists worth listening to anymore. Rock seemed to have lost it's edge it actually became boring to me.

With this being said, I'm still a huge fan of bands like Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd and Judas Priest. I still listen to them all the time. But when it comes to new stuff, I prefer the country tunes. 

So, "Why country music?" you ask. Let me explain....

A few years ago, Tina took a liking to Kenny Chesney. I listened to some of his stuff and I thought it was pretty good. But I wasn't completely hooked yet. Well, when I heard he was coming to town, I decided to pick up a couple of tickets. I figured even if I had to endure a few hours of the "tear in my beer" nonsense, at least I would win some points with the wife.

Sugarland opened up the show and I was pleasantly surprised. It was upbeat, energetic and best of all, it was fun. I was thinking, "Wow, this is actually pretty good!' When Kenny Chesney hit the stage, the place (Merriweather Post Pavilion) was completely fired up. The crowd was into every song and it was a type of energy that I hadn't seen at a concert in a long, long time. When he eventually finished up, I was left wanting more. It was that good. I completely understand why the guy sells out wherever he plays. He's one of the few modern day performers who can still fill stadiums.

I was hooked after the first Chesney show and saw him the following two years when he was in town. I have been to several other country shows which included Miranda Lambert, Lady Anetbellum, Brooks & Dunn, Big & Rich and Little Big Town. In fact, I actually talked Tina into going to see Little Big Town!

Shifting gears a bit, another thing that's great about country music is the women. We all remember the girls of the heavy metal days. Yeah, they were sexy in their "big hair and heavy eyeliner" kind of way. But the country girls are a bit different. They have the All-American look that hasn't yet been compromised by tattoos and body piercings. Cowboy boots, cut-offs and a cowboy hat is a pretty simple ensemble. But you put even an average looking young woman in this outfit, and it gets pretty hot. If you kick it up a notch with a Jennifer Aniston-looking girl, the mercury soars!

Ok, I think I've made my point about country chicks.......

Thinking that I might be wrong about the whole country thing, I asked an old rock and roll buddy about it. I think he put it in perspective. He said, "Country artists try harder." I think this an accurate statement. While the rock stars sometimes appear to be merely "going through the motions" at live shows, the country musicians actually seem to be having a great time. And the country stars are genuinely grateful for the folks who buy the tickets to see them. On the rock side of the house, I almost get the feeling that they have an attitude of arrogance and often take the fans for granted.

I have always loved the sound of a screaming rock guitar. That will probably never change. But when it comes to playing guitar, the country folks have a few of their own guitar heroes. I would put Brad Paisley, Keith Urban and Zac Brown way up on the list. All of these guys can play their asses off!

So, before anyone beats me up too much on this, let me say this. Good classic rock and roll is timeless. Is there any wonder why Jimi Hendrix, The Beatles and The Rolling Stones are still played on contemporary rock stations? I will always enjoy these tunes.

But several years ago, my friend Kathy said to me, "Just give country music a chance, Ken." I did indeed give it a chance. And I liked what I found............

kw

Toys Of My Youth

Nowadays, the kids won't even give a toy a second look unless it comes with a joystick and an LCD screen. But there was a time, believe it or not, when youngsters had to make do without any virtual enhancements. Growing up in the 1970's, there were certain games and gadgets that became childhood rites of passage. Here are a few that come to mind......


The Krazy Car - I believe that this insane mode of transportation was made by the same folks who made the legendary Big Wheel. There were handles attached to the inside of each ridiculously large wheel. These handles gave one the ability to rotate the wheels in either direction. You could spin yourself through the backyard or, if you were like me, you could spin in a circle until you became naseous. Sometimes I would have this thing spinning so fast that you could smell the plastic wheels melting.


The Evel Knievel Stuntbike - Every ten year old boy (and some girls) had this one. You would put the fearless daredevil on his motorbike and then set him up on the launch pad. You would crank the handle until your shoulder went numb and then hit the release button. It was pretty amazing how fast this thing would go. I accidently crashed mine into our dog one time and thought I killed him. From then on, the dog always hightailed it upstairs when he heard the cranking sound.


Rock'em Sock'em Robots - I can remember riding the number 64 bus up to Epsteins in Baltimore to go shopping with my grandmother. As she shopped for her items and I whined until she bought me these fighting robots. You would use the primitive joysticks to manuever your personal badass robot. The idea was to land a punch to the head of your opponent's robot and "knock his block off". When you heard that familiar ratcheting sound, you knew it was game over.

Lite-Brite - This game always looked a lot more fun on the TV commercials. When I finally got one for Christmas one year, I plugged the translucent pegs into the correct holes to reveal a colorful boat or tree. After doing this a couple of times, I quickly got bored with it and thought it was pretty much a total waste of time. Not surprising, I never really developed any artistic ability. Maybe I should have spent a little more time with that Lite-Brite. Maybe I could have been a sculpter, but then again no........




The Pet Rock - Perhaps the dumbest toy ever "invented". But it didn't stop countless people from going out and spending their hard earned money on something they could pick up free from the back yard. It's kind of like spending $2 for a bottle of water when you can get it virtually free from the tap. The worst thing about The Pet Rock is that it did absolutely nothing. This thing wouldn't stand a chance in today's hi-tech toy market.

Simon - Way before American Idol, there was this Simon. The object was to follow the exact sequence of lighted buttons and annoying sounds. The sequence got faster as you progressed. It was fun the first couple of times, but after about fifteen minutes, I was ready to throw Simon up against the wall. But in Simon's defense, I guess it could be considered one of the first computer games?







The Slinky - A wise man once told me, "Ignorant people are much like Slinkys. They're pretty much useless but it's always fun to throw them down a flight of stairs." The worst thing about a Slinky was all of the work of climbing up and down the steps. I preferred a toy that allowed me to sit on my lazy ass. This might explain why I spent my childhood shopping in the "husky" section for my clothes.

The Pogo Stick - Alright, speaking of husky, let's talk about the legendary pogo stick. It seemed like a pretty cool toy. Watching my friends bouncing in and out of traffic on this thing made me envious. I had to have a go at it. But when I jumped on the spring loaded stick, the damned thing would never bounce back up. I had to face the humiliation of being the only kid in the neighborhood who couldn't operate a pogo stick! When I would ask my "friends" to let me try, they would reply, "No, you're too heavy. You'll break it!" It's a wonder that I didn't wind up in therapy......



Aside from the toys that mentioned above, who can forget these:

• The Rubik's Cube - I was never smart enough to get more than two colors together at any one time.
• Slime - It was like having a small container of snot. Very popular with the elementary school crowd.
• Cabbage Patch Dolls - I remember watching the evening news around Christmas and seeing women trampling each other at Toys R' Us over these things.
• Silly Putty - You could press this flexible gob onto a newspaper and it would pull the ink off. I can hardly contain my excitement.
• Nerf Football - I think every young boy had one of these at one time. I can remember more than one football game being disrupted due to a dog running off with our Nerf ball.
• Operation - You're trying to perform a delicate funny-bone extraction, then ZZZZZZ!!! I wonder if anyone ever had a heart attack while playing this game?

These are just a few of the toys that I can remember from my childhood. Although we didn't have Playstations and X-Boxes, somehow we managed to keep ourselves entertained......

kw

Monday Night Football Punts Hank

All right, so I think everyone has heard by now that Hank Williams Jr. might not be singing the intro to Monday Night Football anymore. Although the games will certainly go on, the high energy "Are You Ready For Some Football" will definitely be missed. (I have to admit, I prefer Faith Hill's intro on Sunday Night Football. Of course, it might have something to do with that tight jumpsuit that she wears.)

Hank, of course, made a controversial statement on the Fox News Channel's "Fox & Friends" yesterday morning. He was referring to a recent golf outing between President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner. In an effort to point out the contrasting ideologies of the two men, Williams basically said that this would be like Hitler playing golf with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. And although he didn't come out and say it, I think we can all figure who would be playing the role of Hitler.

Before I go any further, let me just say that I don't like to hear celebrities mouthing off about politics. When liberal celebrities were calling George Bush every name in the book, it really angered me. So, although I'll be the first to admit that I hardly ever agree with President Obama, I don't think conservative celebrities should resort to the derogatory name calling either.

And although, at times, there appears to be a bit of a double standard with these issues, let's not forget what happened to the Dixie Chicks. Their career had a "jump the shark" moment when their singer expressed that she was embarrassed to come from the same state as President Bush. At the time, the Chicks were one of the top country bands out there. If you want to get on the political soapbox, you'd better be prepared for the consequences.

So, what do I think of Hank's comments? At the very least, I think it was a foolish thing to say on a national news show. Although his remarks will likely cost him some endorsement opportunities in the future, I don't think it will hurt his standing with his mostly conservative fan base. Before you make any assumptions about conservatives, keep in mind that liberals openly supported celebrity Bush bashers.

Personally, by using the Hitler analogy, I think Hank was trying to illustrate how drastically different Obama and Boehner are. Could he have chosen his words more wisely? Sure. But I think too much is being made of his comment. Hey, he apologized. What more do you want from him?

And I think everyone is forgetting about that whole First Amendment thing.

Besides, Hank wasn't necessarily calling the president, Hitler (unlike many liberal celebrities with Bush). He was merely trying to make a point. Did ESPN do the right thing by pulling Hank's intro on Monday Night Football? Who knows?

In any case, comments like these are often viewed as abrasive and will usually come back and bite you in the ass. Bochephus may be in the hotseat today, but by next week I'm sure there will someone else to take his place.....

kw