Grocery Shopping on a Snowy Day

So, this morning Tina asks me to go to grocery store with her. Normally, I don't mind, but snow was in the forecast for today. And in Maryland, this usually creates pandemonium from the "bread. milk and toilet paper" crowd. But being the trooper that I am, I agreed to go along...

First off, Tina has started a new diet that involves a lot of vegetables. Approaching the produce section, she tells me to grab some cauliflower and broccoli. It seemed easy enough but I soon realized that I was a stranger in a strange land. After searching through a multitude of foreign objects (tomatoes, carrots, celery, etc), I finally stumbled across the broccoli and cauliflower. Depositing these items into the shopping cart, I felt a bit overwhelmed. Being so close to all of these green leafy vegetables was starting to make me light-headed. In an act of basic survival, I escape over to the meat section where I bond with the bratwurst and ribeyes. It's comforting to be among friends.

Going my own way in the grocery store only means that I'm ultimately going to spend the better part of an hour trying to reunite with Tina. I'll walk the entire length of the store several times, craning my neck to peer down each aisle. It's truly amazing that even after ten trips, I see can't find her. I actually get a kink in my neck from twisting it back and forth many times. I think about how Linda Blair felt after that scene in the Exorcist.

Somehow, this causes a light-bulb to go off in my head....

I'm seriously thinking about pitching an idea to the grocery store owners. I would like to see a bar in every grocery store. No longer will guys moan and groan about having to go to the store with their wives. The ladies get to shop in peace while the guys become euphoric in aisle five. Personally, I would like to see the bar set up near the seafood section so that I could order up some steamed shrimp with my Sam Adams draft. But that's just me...

Back to reality....

Once I finally reunite with Tina, we head towards the checkout line. We go to the line that only has one customer in it. Of course, there's always a catch. The woman in line seems to be getting each of her items rung up separately. And each time, she goes back into her purse to retrieve her money. I would expect this kind of thing at Walmart, but we're at the local grocery store.

We finally make it to the cashier. She's a husky woman who seems to be having an issue supporting her own body weight. So, she leans on the counter with one arm while she scans each of our items with the other. She almost seems to be getting winded by all of this "strenuous" activity. If scanning groceries kicks your ass, at the very least, you should probably put down the Snickers bar (I only mention this because there was an empty Snickers wrapper behind the counter).

So, we finally get out to the parking lot where the wet snow is really coming down. We load the car up and head out. I wind my window down to clear the snow off. As a result, a pile of wet snow falls inside of the car and all over me. I've got cold snow down the back of my neck. And the front of my jeans look like I pissed myself. Tina thinks it's hilarious that I'm such a "dumb-ass", but I personally don't find any humor in it.

Yep, after the first of the year, I think I'll call the grocery store execs and pitch them my bar idea. It can't come soon enough...

kw

Approaching The Fiscal Cliff

By now, most of you have probably at least heard of the "fiscal cliff". The talking heads have kicked the topic into high gear as we loom closer to the deadline on New Year's Day. So, what does it all mean? Let me try to break it all down for you....

If there's one thing the government is very good at, it's spending money. It would be bad enough if Uncle Sam was frivolous with his own money, but he compounds the problem by spending money that he doesn't have. Of course, the only way to get this money is to borrow it. Roughly 46% percent of the $16 trillion U.S. debt is held by foreign governments. China alone holds well over $1 trillion of the US debt. To put it into perspective, this is more than the combined household debt of the United States. It's pretty obvious that Uncle Sam has a serious spending disorder.

So, figuring it might be a good idea to actually do something about this dire situation, Congress passed the Budget Control Act in August 2011. This bi-partisan compromise temporarily raised the debt ceiling (the amount of money Uncle Sam can borrow from himself to pay his bills) which gave our so-called "leaders" until December 31, 2012 to come up with a plan to reduce the national deficit by $1.2 trillion over the next ten years. (This reminds of the character "Wimpy" from the old Popeye cartoons, "If you give me one hamburger today, I'll gladly repay you two of them tomorrow....")

Well, here it is, sixteen months later and there's no plan in sight. What the hell were these guys doing all of this time? So, now many members of Congress are being asked to cut their holiday vacations short and come back to Washington before we go off of the fiscal cliff at midnight on Tuesday. Even President Obama cut short his latest adventure in Hawaii to come back to DC.  Hey, I know it's the holidays, but if the guy at 7-11 is forced to peddle Big-Bites on Christmas and New Year, is it really asking too much for our representatives to do their jobs?

As usual, the Democrats and Republicans can't come to an agreement on how to resolve this problem. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, but perhaps they shouldn't have waited until the final month to start working on this? In their rushed attempt to make a deal, Democrats are pushing for higher taxes on the wealthiest Americans. But Republicans are opposed to raising taxes on anyone. Instead, they are calling for deeper spending cuts, which many Democrats oppose. President Obama would like to see more "stimulus" spending which the Republicans say the nation simply can not afford. Blah, blah, blah.....

So, assuming that the pissing contest between Democrats and Republicans continues and a deal is not reached, what does it mean to real people like you and me?

• The Bush-era tax cuts will expire which will result in a 2% tax increase for the average middle class family. Basically, you'll be handing over about $2000 to feed Uncle Sam's insatiable spending habit.
• There will be spending cuts on the defense budget to the tune of over $50 billion a year through 2021. Can anyone say national insecurity?
• The typical 15% tax on capital gains will likely increase to 20%. You put up the risk and the government reaps your reward. That's not nice!
• Real estates taxes will increase. You still have a house on the market? You'd better try to sell it this weekend!
• There will be major spending cuts on education, law enforcement, low income energy subsidies and roads.
• The Social Security payroll tax cut will expire, raising it from 4.2% to 6.2%. So, now we'll be paying even more money into a fund that many say will be totally bankrupt by the time we can draw from it. Can I just opt out?
• The child tax deduction, as well as the tax credit for school expenses will decrease. Breeding for dollars ain't what it used to be!
• Unemployment benefits return to the 26-week maximum. That should be comforting to the folks who are struggling to pay the bills while looking for work.
• The rates at which Medicare pays providers will decrease. Doctors should really love this, huh?

In addition to these things, there is also talk of capping or doing away with the mortgage interest deduction. This would ultimately cost the average homeowner thousands of more dollars every year. That should really help the housing market, huh?

And to add to the misery, there's a looming farm bill that has been neglected by our wonderful representatives. If this bill isn't addressed, the cost of a gallon of milk could go up to $7-8 a gallon.

If a deal isn't reached on all of this mess by midnight on Tuesday, many economists are predicting a double dip recession. They also see the unemployment rate climbing over 9% by the end of 2013. And there are also those who feel that it's actually better to go off of the cliff than to extend the current policies and increasing the long-term deficit.

Now, matter how you slice it, this doesn't sound good. It's funny how just a few months ago, we were told how the economy was on the rebound. It's sure doesn't sound that way to me. And as much as I'm compelled to point the finger, I believe there is plenty of blame to go around. Congress has had plenty of time to get a deal done, but here we are, preparing to fall off of a metaphoric cliff.. Remind me again why we keep elected these people??

kw

Guns - The Problem or the Solution?

As expected, the issue of gun control has been the hot topic of discussion across news outlets and social media all week. These latest debates were initiated by the latest American shooting rampage in Newtown, Connecticut last Friday.

It's no surprise that gun control advocates seized the opportunity to state their case. Wasn't it Rahm Emanuel who said to "never let a serious crisis go to waste"? Because of the often tragic consequences of an abused firearm, the issue of gun control is a passionate issue for people on either side.

When anyone is senselessly killed as a result of a gunshot, it's easy to blame the gun itself. After all, it was indeed the instrument used to end a life. However, as tragic as these events are, the gun only becomes a deadly weapon when there is human intervention. So, therefore, I prefer blame the person who pulls the trigger rather than a piece of hardware.

Many gun control proponents would like to see all guns taken away from private citizens. I think we really need to careful here. Back in 1775, the British instructed General Thomas Gage to seize the military stores of American militias. The result? It kicked off the American Revolution. Even though this was a long time ago, it hasn't changed the fact that American gun owners are not happy about any government trying to take away their firearms.

In the latest attempt the tighten the nation's gun control laws, President Obama and other high-ranking Democrats are pushing for a ban on assault rifles and guns with high-capacity magazines. I would agree, that most gun owners would never really have the need for a AK-47. But there's also a push to ban "certain" types of semi-automatic weapons. A semi-automatic firearm is a gun that fires one bullet with each pull of the trigger, after which a new round is automatically loaded into the chamber. I'm no firearms expert, but I would think "semi-automatic" would describe almost every handgun in existence.

So would banning all firearms really save lives? They are certainly valid arguments on both sides. But there are plenty of studies that suggest that stricter gun control laws actually caused an increase in firearm deaths. A few examples:

• In 1966, New Jersey adopted what was described at "the most stringent gun control law" in the country. Within two year, the murder rate was up almost 50% and the robbery rate had doubled.
• In 1976, Washington DC passed one of the most restrictive gun control laws in the nation. Since then, the murder rate has risen 134%!
• Among the 15 states with the highest murder rates, 10 of them have some of the strictest gun control laws in the country.
• Chicago has perhaps the strictest gun controls but the violent crime continues to escalate.

Last Friday in China, where private citizens are not allowed to posses guns, a man entered an elementary school with a knife and stabbed over twenty school kids. This was on the same day as the Newtown shooting here in the States. So, this suggests that even if guns are not readily available, crazy people will resort to other means to carry out their actions. I also can't help but notice that there was hardly any mention of the China story on American news networks. Is it because the Newtown story was obviously bigger and in our own back yard? Or is it because it doesn't fit the liberal media's gun control agenda?

The National Rifle Association's executive vice-president, Wayne LaPierre, recently said that fault of these senseless shootings can be attributed to Hollywood, video games and the court system for creating a culture of violence in this country. He also called for an armed security officer in every school in America. Of course,  more guns is the last thing that critics want to hear. But I think Pierre makes a valid point here, especially about the courts. How many gun control laws are already on the books? And how often are they enforced? There certainly needs to be stricter penalties for criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime. Too often they are slapped on the wrist and turned back out to society where they commit more violent crimes.

There is no doubt that too many people are murdered with firearms in this country. But I don't think the NRA or any gun owner should be blamed. In almost all of these tragic events, it was a person who was responsibly for carrying out the act. Saying that guns are solely responsible for mass killings is like saying that American Airlines is responsible for the 9/11 attacks. If there's any truth to this, then I'm suing the company that makes my fork for making me overweight.

I also find it very ironic (and hypocritical!) that many high profile people who want to ban guns are the same people who wouldn't dare go out into public without an armed bodyguard. Case in point, the President never goes out into public without his armed Secret Service agents. Can anyone deny that their guns have a huge impact on his safety?

Outlawing guns will not take them out of the criminals hands for one simple reason: CRIMINALS DO NOT OBEY LAWS! What part of this don't people understand? I guess it's like thinking that outlawing drugs will instantly stop drug abuse. Yeah, how's that whole "war of drugs" thing working out?

I don't want to come off as sounding unconcerned about of the tragic events that have occurred. It saddens me to see any innocent person die so needlessly. But I can't help but wonder if there was an armed citizen in that Colorado movie theater or that Connecticut elementary school, maybe, just maybe many lives could have been saved. 

In a perfect world, we would be able to sleep with our windows and doors open. In a perfect world, we would be able to get cash out of an ATM machine in West Baltimore without fear of being jacked up. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to worry about lunatics spraying bullets into a movie theater or a class room. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world........

I am not a radical right-wing gun nut. Nor am I an overly religious person. However, if I ever find myself in a potentially life-threatening situation against a gun-toting thug, I pray to God that a good guy with a gun shows up quick......

kw

Another Senseless Tragedy

Watching the news coverage of the Newton, CT school shooting yesterday, I struggled to figure out why these things continue to happen. A high school shooting is tragic enough, but most of these kids were just kindergartners. It takes a special kind of evil to carry out something like this.

I watched President Obama fight back emotions as he addressed the shooting yesterday. Some people will probably criticize him for "showing weakness". But I don't know how anyone, especially a parent, could talk about something this devastating without getting emotional. I really think the President was sincere and I applaud him for at least attempting to console the community.

And as expected, talk of stricter gun control began to surface. On the surface, it sounds like a legitimate argument. After all, guns were the instrument of death in this tragic case. But if someone is sick enough to perpetrate this type of action, they would very likely use another method if guns weren't available. Case in point, yesterday in China, a knife-welding nutcase attacked a group elementary school children.

People who think that outlawing guns is the answer are just ignoring the truth. The only way you could stop gun violence is to destroy every firearm on the earth. And since that ain't gonna happen, guns will always be available. One might argue that the only sensible defense is to have a gun of your own. But I really believe that the reasons behind these senseless killings lie much deeper than the guns themselves.

Today's children are often pampered by over-protective parents. Ironically, these same kids are surrounded by violence in the form of television, movies and video games. Parents who might shield their kids from profanity or brief nudity often have no problem letting them watch someone get their head blown off. I'm not saying anything is right or wrong, but I can kind of understand why kids grow up confused. A few years ago, a Baltimore City firefighter told me about how desensitized to the street violence the kids have become. He told me a story of how he was literally hosing a murder victim's brains off of the sidewalk as the local kids played just a few feet away. It was like no big deal to them. It's just someone's brains on the sidewalk, been there, done that......

I don't know what's going on with this world. But I do know that evil does indeed exist.....

When tragedies such as the Connecticut school shooting occur, everyone quickly realizes what's really important to them. I have known too many people who have died way too soon. Although I really like to believe that they are in a better place, it does little to console the families who are left behind. Memories are nice but they don't compare to having your loved ones by your side.

The parents of the slain Connecticut schoolkids should be getting ready to celebrate the holidays with their families. But instead of watching the excited faces of the kids on Christmas morning, they're be preparing to say their final goodbyes. It hurts me just to think about this. I obviously don't know any of these people but my heart truly aches for them. No one should ever have to experience this kind of pain. My thoughts and prayers go out to the entire community of Newtown......

kw

Birth of a Speed Camera

Is it just me or does there seem to be more work zones around Baltimore than ever before? Of course, the "work" zones always present a convenient excuse to put up new speed cameras. Cha-ching! And even though we are still being fed a load of bullshit about "safety", a recent study has shown that  more than 40% of all speed camera tickets were issued between 6 pm and 6 am (when many work crews are not working)!

In Baltimore City, the speed cameras are contracted through a private contractor (from what I understand it's a subsidiary of Xerox). Roughly half of the $40 of every ticket issued goes to the contractor. Yep, I'm sure everything is on the up-and-up.

I don't know the exact of the origins of the speed camera. But I imagine that it all began something like this........

A group of fat and predominantly useless politicians (let's call them Ken, Wei, Phuckum & Howe) were sitting around in a bar one night. Knocking back an abundance of government subsidized cocktails, they brainstormed about ways to pay for their wasteful spending habits. Wei and Ken bring up an idea about sneaking in a new gasoline tax. But Phuckum and Howe quickly shoot it down knowing that any new tax increase won't go over well with the working class.

At some point, a light bulb goes off in Phuckum's head and he explains, "Hey guys, I've got it! In China, they have cameras all over the place. Why can't we do the same thing here? We can start with traffic lights and then aggressively move them onto the highways. We will install these things before the public even realizes what hit 'em! And as a bonus, we throw the post office some much needed business as they'll be delivering an endless number of tickets!"

A concerned Wei replies,"Do you really think the public is that stupid?"

"Of course, they are!" replies Phuckem.

Howe chimes in, "Hey wait a minute. Wei brings up a good point. And I've got a solution. When the bitching starts after we rob Joe Q. Citizen of 40 bucks, we can simply explain that the new camera campaign is in the best interest of public safety. How can they possibly argue with that?"

Wei thinks for a moment and says, "I don't know. Are these things even constitutional?"

"Wei, you're really starting to piss me off! Who cares if they're legal or not? We're talking about a serious cash cow here." explains a visibly annoyed Phuckem.

Ken starts to see the light and says, "I think I get what Howe is talking about. It's kind of like when we tell the people that we'll have to close down fire houses and lay off police officers if we don't raise taxes."

"Exactly, Ken!" says Howe. "It's also like when we tell them that it's for the children. On that note, let's string some speed cameras up near schools! Let's prove that Baltimore City schools are indeed useful! It's all about the kiddies, remember? Hey, I know it's a bunch of horseshit, but when did we ever care about what the people think?"

"Ok, good point. But don't you think that these things will cause massive traffic tie-ups as people hit the brakes to avoid getting a ticket?" asked a concerned Wei.

Phuckem, who is really losing his patience, explains, "Of course, there will be unnecessary traffic jams. But what the f*ck do we care? We all have personal drivers! It's their problem, not ours! You need to look at this in terms of dollars, my friend.."

Wei finally gives in and reluctantly jumps on board as he says, "I'm with you guys. I think I know how we can expand the idea. We can set cameras up and stage work zones months before any actual work begins. And then we'll leave them up long after the work is completed. Let's bleed the people for all that we can! Phuckem, you're a genius!"

Phuckum puts the final touches on the idea by announcing that his brother-in-law owns a business that supplies and manages the very type of camera that will be needed to implement the plan. Ken, Wei, Phuckem and Howe shake hands and the red light/speed camera is born..........

Maybe it's not exactly the way it went down. But I'm probably not that far off........

kw

Ravens Part Ways With Cameron

Earlier today, the Baltimore Ravens gave many of their fans an early Christmas present when they announced the firing of Cam Cameron. The offensive coordinator has been heavily criticized pretty much since the day he arrived in Baltimore. It seemed a bit ironic to me that Cameron was hired by the Ravens in 2008 considering that that he was 1-15 as Miami's head coach in 2007 (by the way, the Dolphin's lone win that season was against the Ravens). But since he and Raven's head coach John Harbaugh are good friends, it's understandable.

On the surface, it might seem rather odd that an offensive coordinator who has taken his team to playoffs every year would be on the hot seat. And this year, the Raven's broke their single game scoring record when the beat the Oakland Raiders 55-20. Baltimore is currently 9-4 and two games in front of the Steelers and Bengals. In all likelihood, they will win the AFC North for the second straight year and go to the playoffs for the fifth straight season. And let's not forget that the Ravens were one dropped pass from going to the Super Bowl last year.

So, with three regular season games remaining, was letting Cameron go at this particular time the right move?

In the past two losses, the Ravens scored 20 and 28 points respectively. Perhaps not indicative of an offensive Juggernaut, but decent enough numbers nonetheless. You  would think that a team with even an average defense should  be able to win with 28 points.

Hey look, I hate to see anyone lose their job, especially two weeks before Christmas. But this has been a long time coming. Admittedly, I have have been a huge critic of Cameron's play calling over the past two seasons. Personally, I'm glad he's gone. I'm just not so sure about the timing.....

In my opinion, the offensive play calling hasn't helped Joe Flacco develop into the top-tier quarterback that many hoped he would be. After almost five full season in the league, many people feel that Cameron has stunted Joe's growth. I dunno, maybe some of the blame can be shared by the quarterback's coach?

Drum roll please.......

Cameron's former position will be filled by none other than Raven's quarterback coach Jim Caldwell. Although Caldwell has never worked as an offensive coordinator, he was head coach of the Indianapolis Colts from 2009 to 2011. Prior to that, he was Peyton Manning's QB coach. As luck would have it, the Raven's will face Manning and the Denver Broncos this Sunday.

In my opinion, Cameron's departure will more than likely prove to be a good thing for the Ravens. However  they still have some serious issues on the defense. With the absence of Tyrell Suggs, the pass rush leaves a lot to be desired (although Paul Kruger has had some good moments). And the run defense continues to have issues. They really need to improve if they're going to get to the next level. We automatically assume that the defense will be stellar, year after year. But not this season.....

Constantly making the playoffs in the NFL is certainly an impressive feat that can not be ignored. But Raven fans (and I assume the ownership) desperately want that second trip to the Super Bowl. You can only dangle that carrot in front of them so many times. If the Ravens fail to get past the first round of the playoffs (or somehow fail to make the post-season altogether!), expect to see even more heads rolling.....

kw

Hanging Out In The Front Yard

So, I'm reading an article this morning about a town in New York that's in the process of making it illegal to hang your laundry out on your front lawn. Apparently, there's been an outcry from at least a few residents who find the front yard clothelines a bit gaudy.

I'm not a big advocate of the government telling people what they can do with their homes, but in this case I can kind of see their point. I mean, who wants to see someone's underwear flapping in the wind?

People should have enough decency and pride in their neighborhood to avoid these kinds of debates, But, I can tell you, that's not always the case. While driving through the bowels of Baltimore City on occasion, I often see the ghetto element staring right at me from the front lawns of the residents. For example, we've all heard of the backyard barbarque. It's always been part of Americana to sip on a cold beer while grilling up some steaks in the backyard. So, can someone please explain to me when or why it became traditional to put the grill out on the front lawn? And to add to my confusion, the preferred grilling time for the urban front-yards is around 11 o'clock at night!

Another thing that has become an urban tradition is living room furniture on the front porch. In many cases, the upholstered sofas and chairs are exposed to the elements without so much as a roof overhead  So, if your neighbor ever  invites you over for a malt liquor on the front porch, be careful where you sit or you might get a wet ass.

On one extraordinary situation, I saw a baby's playpen on the front lawn. The kicker? Right next to it was a tie-out which happened to be attached to a large pitbull. On a side note, out of pure curiosity, does anyone in the city own any breed other than the pitbull? On second thought, I guess a poodle would look kind of silly with one of those heavy chains and a padlock around it's neck.....

Now, the city isn't the only place where the front yard is subject to abuse. When I lived in Glen Burnie, one of the neighbors had an old rusted out Jeep proudly displayed on the front lawn. The engine and hood had been removed and after a couple of years, a tree began to grow between the two front bumpers. It was a scene that would have made any self-respecting redneck proud! One of the neighbors finally asked the Jeep owner to remove the vehicle, but it fell on deaf ears. It was obvious that these aristocrats had no intention of moving the mechanical corpse. It was becoming a real embarrassment to the whole neighborhood. So, a unanimous call was made to the health department* and within a few days, the hideous vehicle was finally gone.

(* My experience has been that calling the city/county for situations like rusted Jeeps in the front yard can be very frustrating and time consuming. But, if you call the health department and utter the magic sentence, "I saw rats!", things quickly kick into high gear. For me, it's all about getting from A to point B with the least amount of bullshit in between.)

Jumping back to my original topic, I find it kind of ironic that the government is actually pursuing a clothesline ban in the first place. Isn't the government always lecturing us to be more "green"? You would think that Uncle Sam would want to see your drawers flapping in the wind instead of tumbling inside of a gas dryer.

By the way, word has it that the same New York neighborhood who will be banning clotheslines, is also looking at banning front-porch furniture. Like I mentioned before, I don't like the government involved in our lives anymore than it already is. But the bottom line is....... clotheslines belong in the back yard and La-Z-Boys belong in the living room. Do you really need Big Brother to tell you this?

kw

The Crazy People of Christmas

As we progress through the Christmas season, you would think that people would treat each other a little nicer. But whether it's due to the economy or perhaps the added stress of finding the perfect gift, some people just seem to be unreachable for the Christmas Spirit. Here are just a few of the more bizarre happenings that I found while scanning the headline this morning:

• Two men were arrested in New York after they were found following a UPS truck and stealing the packages after the driver dropped them off.
• An 800-pound decorated elk statue was stolen off of the roof of an Elk's Lodge in New Jersey. It is assumed that thieves stole the metal elk in order to cash it in at a recycling center. The estimated recycling value? $200.
• Baby Jesus and a wooden donkey were stolen from the city's nativity scene in Frostproof, Florida. (I'm actually more surprised that, in today's world of political correctness, a nativity scene could still be displayed by any city)
• Thousands of dollars of gifts for the needy were stolen from a church near Boston
• In Loris, South Carolina, three thugs robbed a family at gunpoint while they were in the middle of decorating their Christmas tree
• A thief in Pittsburgh broke into a liquor store. His bounty? Two bottles of egg nog.
• A woman in South Carolina was murdered by her "friend" and buried under a pile of Christmas presents in her home.
• A Georgia man was arrested for shooting at a sprig of mistletoe outside of a shopping mall.
• A woman at a Christmas craft fair (I'm not sure of the exact location) was caught stealing an ornament from one of the vendors. When confronted, the thief stabbed the vendor with the ornament.
• An Ohio man, who was presumably high on bath salts, broke into a home and put up Christmas decorations. I'm not sure if you arrest him or offer him a beer!
• At a Christmas parade in my home state of Maryland, a man dressed as Frosty The Snowman was arrested after assaulting a police officer and kicking a police dog. I guess there was something other than magic in that old corn-cob pipe!

As we get closer to the actual Christmas holiday, I'm sure there will be plenty of other knuckleheads making the news for these kinds of things. Obviously, not everyone believes in that whole "season of giving" thing....

kw

Formstone - Gone Forever?

So, today I heard the devastating news that Formstone will likely be banned on all new construction in Baltimore City. This was like hearing that steamed crabs would no longer be sold in Baltimore.

Formstone (described as the "polyester of brick" by Baltimore film director John Waters) was originally designed as an upgrade to aging brick homefronts. But it's popularity became so widespread  that before long, faux stone facades became the signature look of houses all over the city. But a new proposed zoning code may finally put an end to Charm City's signature look.

For those who remember the 1987 movie "Tin Men", director Barry Levinson had originally planned on having the main characters (played by Danny DeVito and Richard Dreyfuss) peddling Formstone. But concerned that it wouldn't register with audiences outside of the Maryland area, he choose aluminum siding as his material.

The proposed ban has really ruffled some feathers of many city residents. Many see this as just another government infringement on their property rights. Other nostalgic residents are simply upset to see the classic look being phased out.

To be fair, the art of Formstone was drying up anyway. They're just aren't that many brick masons who specialize in the simulated stone anymore.  But is it really the government's job to pull the plug on it now? I could see if it was downright hideous, but I always thought that it looked good. My parents, who live in a duplex on the southern tip of Baltimore City,  have Formstone on the front of their house. Hell, I didn't even realize that the "bricks" were fake until I was a teenager! And driving through the streets of Locust Point many times through the years, I thought the Formstone fronts looked much better than the sight of crumbling brick and mortar. So, why ban it? Is it really worse than the boarded up crackhouses that you see in other areas of the city?

Through recent years, the Inner Harbor, Federal Hill and Locust Point areas have seen an increased migration of yuppies. I can't help but think that this has at least a little something to do with all of this. And I find it ironic that in a place like Baltimore, where someone is killed in the street almost every day, city officials think that banning Formstone will somehow make life better. Really?

Hey Natty Boh man, I would watch your back. They might be coming after you next......

kw

Baltimore Ravens - NFL's Most Criticized Team?

I ruffle enough feathers with my views on politics and religion. But I'm really going to walk on the edge this time as I give my two cents on the 2012 Baltimore Ravens......

First off, for a team that's 9-2, they get about as much respect as Rodney Dangerfield. It takes me back to the 2000-2001 Super Bowl season when everyone was criticizing the Ravens over their lack of offensive prowess. I can remember one game during that season where a sideline reporter caught coach Brian Billick coming off of the field at halftime. She said, "So, Brian. Your team seemed to struggle in the first half. What do you plan to do differently in the second half?"

I was no huge fan of Billick, but I loved his response. He looked up at the scoreboard and in that condescending Billick-like way, he replied, "We're up by fourteen points!" And then he trotted off to the the locker room. It was a classic example of how the Raven's were viewed around the football world. Even after winning the Super Bowl, people still criticized them. Most notably, for going five straight games during the regular season without an offensive touchdown.

Back to this year....

In his fifth season, QB Joe Flacco continues to be a magnet for criticism. Say what you want to about Joe, but you can't deny that the guy wins. If I'm not mistaken, he has more wins in his first five seasons than any other quarterback (during the same stretch) in NFL history. So, why hasn't the guy won the adoration of all Raven's fans by now? Well, for one, his lack of emotion can't be ignored. After an interception, Cool Joe will simply walk off the field and take a solitary seat on the bench. Dropping an emphatic F-bomb would surely have a more dramatic impact, especially with fans.

Personally, the thing that really bothers me about Joe is his apparent lack of peripheral vision. I know the offensive line hasn't been stellar this year, but Flacco has got to recognize when the pocket is collapsing. I can't even count how many times he's been blindsided by pass rushers this season.

Is Flacco ever going to be the top-five quarterback that many Raven's fans had hoped for? In my opinion, probably not. But the guy is a perennial winner! What more could a fan really ask for?

Now, the spark plug of the team is, no doubt, running back Ray Rice. This guy is one of the best all-around backs in the game. He might be the smallest guy on the field but he plays with the biggest heart. Watching him make that first down on 4th and 29 against the Chargers this past Sunday was one of the most clutch football plays that I've ever seen. And I've been watching football for a long time! When Rice plays the game, you can tell that he is really enjoying himself. He's also does a lot around the community, especially for kids. He's truly a class act.

Torrey Smith continues to grow into one the NFL's best receivers. The guy not only has blazing speed, but he's not afraid to go up and get the ball, even in double coverage. Watching his performance right after he learned of his younger brother's death earlier this year was beyond inspirational. He could have easily sat the game out and it would have been perfectly acceptable. But instead he showed us, in poetic fashion, that it doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down, it's how many times you get back up that really matters.

And I love the ferocity in which Anquan Boldin plays the game. When he's steamrolling down field with the ball and lays that shoulder into the unsuspecting defender.....OUCH! The guy hits like a linebacker. Not surprising, he's always a highlight at our football gatherings.

And Jacoby Jones has turned out to be a pretty decent punt returner, always having potential to break the big one. And I've got to mention rookie kicker Justin Tucker. We didn't know know what to expect after Billy Cundiff packed his bags. But so far, Trucker looks like he's the real deal.

I've mentioned several offensive guys but we certainly can't forget of the defense. I think it's fair to say that this year's defense isn't quite as efficient as in previous years. The have had major issues stopping the run and the pass defense has been porous at times. And until Tyrell Suggs rejoined the team, the pass rush was pretty much non-existent. But they are still making impressive plays at times and creating turnovers. And opposing teams still fear them.

Of course, having Ray Lewis watching from the sidelines over the past few weeks hasn't really been a positive thing. Yeah, I know Ray's lost a step or two, but the guy is still a force to be reckoned with. If there was ever a general on the football field, it would be Lewis. His presence alone brings something to the Raven's. Ray Lewis makes everyone around him a better player. In my opinion, he's the greatest linebacker ever to play the game.

Safety Ed Reed has been hobbled all season but he still remains a major distraction for quarterbacks throwing the deep ball. And he can still deliver a highlight-reel hit.

So, what's not to like about this team??

At 9-2, it would take a catastrophic collapse to keep them out of the playoffs. If they beat Pittsburgh on Sunday, they pretty much lock up the AFC North. This would be the earliest that this has ever happened for the Ravens. And if Houston manages to drop a game or two, Baltimore could be looking at a number one seed in the playoffs.

At this point of the season, with only two losses, it really amazes me that the Ravens are still so readily criticized. I have to wonder if they'll get a break from the critics if they go on to win the Super Bowl. Somehow, I doubt it.....

kw

A Wrap-Up of Black Friday 2012

All right, so another Black Friday is in the books (or is it Black Thursday now? I'm so confused!). And, as expected, the ensuing pandemonium had it's share of idiotic moments. Here are some of the better ones:

• Defying stupidity, a Massachusetts man  left his girlfriend's 2-year old asleep in the car on a K-Mart parking while he went inside to purchase a big-screen television. This was at 1:30 am on Friday morning. And just when you think it can;t get any worse, the guy catches a ride home with some else and leaves the child on the parking lot. But I'm happy to report that the television made it home safe and sound.
• Two people were shot after arguing over a parking space at a Tallahassee, Florida Wal-Mart.
• At a Sears in San Antonio Thursday night, a man was punched in the face by a "line-butter". This caused the victim to draw his gun. Choose your battles carefully in Texas, because you never know who might be packing. 
• In Omaha, Nebraska, a shoplifter maced the mall cops. Now, there's a change of events! Gunshots were also reported from the Westroads Mall where nine people were shot to death back in 2007.
• Not far from where I live, a 14-year old received a beat-down and was robbed of his Christmas purchases courtesy of a group of roving thugs at Arundel Mills Mall in Hanover, Maryland. This is the same location were a casino was recently built. Stay tuned for even more robberies and assaults...
• A woman was robbed at gunpoint outside a Best Buy in Myrtle Beach.
• Five people were injured after they smashed through a door at the Urban Outfitters in Santa Monica.
• There was a reported gang fight at the Woodland Mall in Kentwood, Michigan.
• Two people were run down by a driver in a Covington, Washington Walmart parking lot.

Aside from these incidents, there were countless episodes of aggressive shoppers storming the doors of Walmart to Victoria's Secret. In many cases, the scenes resembled a bunch of sharks during a feeding frenzy. It's really disappointing to see how our society puts so much importance of material things. Instead of helping one another, we're now killing each other over i-Phones. To say it's sad would surely be an understatement....

kw

Yellow & Black Attack

My eyes have finally adjusted after watching the Steelers swarm around in those ridiculous looking uniforms on Sunday night. But I have to admit, I was really worried for a while. After the game ended, I watched virtual bumblebees crawl across my bedroom ceiling until a heavy dose of Zzz-Quil finally put me out of my misery. By Monday morning, the hallucinations had subsided but my left eye seemed to be a little off-center. I looked like Marty Feldman after a a few rounds of Jose Cuervo.

Moving on......

The yellow and black striped uniforms brought back memories of Stryper, the old 80's rock band. For those who have never heard of Stryper, they were a Christian hard rock band known for their 3-part harmonies and melodic guitar solos. I caught these guys in concert a couple of times back in the day and they were quite entertaining. At one point of the show, they would throw out these miniature bibles out to the crowd. I really don't think the majority of the crowd was into "the message", but nonetheless, it was always a good time.

With with the yellow and black colors still somewhat burned into by memory and out of a bit of nostalgia  I picked up the latest Stryper CD. This one is called "The Covering" and is basically a collection of cover tunes by the band. Preparing to drive to work this morning, I popped the CD into my car stereo and prepared to hit the button on the way-back machine. I have to tell you, I was pleasantly surprised by how good these guys sounded. Some of the tunes they cover:

• Scorpion's "Blackout"
• Black Sabbath's "Heaven & Hell"
• UFO's "Lights Out"
• Deep Purple's "Highway Star"
• Van Halen's "I'm On Fire"
• Iron Maiden's "The Trooper"
• Ozzy Ozbourne's "Over The Mountain"
• Kiss' "Shout It Out Loud"

Along with these tunes, they also do a kick-ass version of  "Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas as well as Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song". And in an ironic twist, the Christian band does a pretty decent version of the Judas Priest classic "Breaking The Law".

I cranked the radio up and jammed out to the entire CD on my way to work. And then I did it all over again on the way home. I felt like I was back in high school. So, although the week started with an excruciating "throw-back" visual assault courtesy of the Steelers, it transitioned into pleasant old-school audio blast from one of my favorite bands of the 80s. It's funny how we get from point A to point B sometimes.....

kw

Camping Out For Thanksgiving

As we prepare to enter the Christmas shopping season each year, I'm always amazed at the lengths that people will go to get those great Black Friday deals. This year, people started lining up a week or more ahead of time. Absurdity doesn't even begin to describe the sight of tents that are set up outside of Best Buy and other retailers. Is saving 150 bucks on a flat screen television really worth spending a week of your life sleeping on a parking lot? If so, you've got some serious priority issues.....

And here's what I find so amazing about Black Friday. We all gather 'round the dinner table on Thanksgiving Day and give thanks for the things that we have in our lives. And then, the very next day, many people will risk bodily injury to themselves and others in order to buy cheap Chinese electronics. So much for being happy for the things that we have!

There, no doubt, will be incidents of people trampling over each other in order to get their hands on the limited number of "super-buys". There's just something about a $19 DVD player that brings out a primal aggression in people. And it seems to get worse every year. If I'm not mistaken, last year a woman died and people just casually walked right over top of her. How much worse can it get? I guess there are some things were dying for, but I seriously doubt that an X-Box 360 is one of them.

And to take things a step further, this year several major retailers announced plans to start their traditional Black "Friday" on Thanksgiving Day. Nice! So, when we're all sitting around the dinner table and the kids ask where Mommy is, we can tell them that she's bonding with the flash mob at Walmart. I wonder how long it will be before retailers start offering a Thanksgiving buffet for holiday shoppers. I can see the family gathering their plates of processed turkey and other microwaved goodies only to anxiously eat their holiday meals atop a pallet of cordless drills. Of course, the blessing would probably go something like this..."Today Lord, we give you thanks for the blue-light special in aisle five...."

Doesn't tradition mean anything anymore? Is this what our society has been reduced to??

Hey, I know it's nice to have a the latest I-pad and or a Hi-Def television with all of the bells and whistles. But in the the end, none of this stuff really matters. If your TV dies, you can simply go out and buy another one. You certainly can't do that with people. Making memories with your family and friends, especially during this time of the year, should be more important than any material thing.

And honestly, I don't really blame the retailers for doing what they do. They are in business to make money, plain and simple. Profits are their number one priority. It's always about the money. Sadly, people have become a distant runner-up to the all mighty dollar. But ironically, it's people, specifically the consumer, that dictate the behavior of these companies.

You and I only have a finite number of days on this earth. I plan to make the most out of mine. If you feel the need to spend Thanksgiving with droves of over-aggressive K-Mart shoppers, be my guest. But I think I'll pass on the door-busting super-buys and spend some time with my family and friends. It's always a much better deal in the long run.....

kw

Goodbye To The Twinkie

As we continue to hear about how the economy is turning around, another American business icon is one the verge of going out of business. Hostess, the Texas-based baking giant, recently announced an aggressive plan to lay off most of it's 18,500-member workforce. The company's assets will then be auctioned off to the highest bidder. This decision comes after thousands of union members went on strike last week, drastically impeding business operations.

These lay-offs will, no doubt, have a huge economic impact. Directly impacted will be:

• 33 bakeries
• 565 distribution centers
• over 5000 delivery routes
• 570 bakery outlet stores

So, why did the workers decide to strike in the first place? Hostess, who has had it's share of  financial problems over recent years, filed for Chapter 11 protection back in January. The driving forces included increasing pensions and medical costs for employees. The company argued that concessions would have to be made by employees in order to sustain the business. So, Hostess presented a contract to the union that would essentially cut employee's wages and benefits. Although Hostess reached an agreement with their largest union (International Brotherhood of Teamsters), their second largest union (Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers & Grain Millers International) rejected the offer and a walkout ensued. Part of the contract would have cut salaries by 8% in the 5-year agreement. Salaries were then scheduled to increase by 3% in the next three years and 1% in the final year.

Even though Hostess warned that it didn't have the financial resources to weather an extended strike, workers failed to return to work by Thursday's deadline. And as a result, Hostess is now folding up.

I have heard all different types arguments regarding whether unions are good, bad or ugly. That's a discussion for another day. However, I have to wonder if the right decision was made in this case. Granted, no one wants to take a pay cut. But in today's economy, is it really wise to trade a company paycheck for a spot in the unemployment line? Hostess has been around since 1930, so I'm assuming that, at least some of the long-time employees were earning a decent wage. So, instead of taking a small pay cut, many of these now former employees will likely have to take jobs making considerably less than they were making at Hostess. Perhaps, a better option would have been to reluctantly agree to accept the terms of the contract. And then if you were that unhappy about it, you could find another company to work for. Because, let's face it, it's a hell of a lot less pressure to look for a job while you still have a job. Especially in today's economy.

With all of this being said, I do feel bad for Hostess employees. Because no matter what kind of bullshit the media tries to sell us about an "economic turn-around", times are tough. They're even tougher when you're unemployed....

.....................................................................................................................................................

As a kid, I can remember walking down the snack aisle of the grocery store. I was always lured to the Hostess shelves for some reason. Being more a chocolate lover, I have to admit, I never really had a craving for the iconic Twinkie. Instead, I preferred the chocolate creme-filled cupcakes with the swirly white icing stripe on the top. I also ate my share of Ho-Ho's which were like a rolled up chocolate cupcake. The Ring Ding was a favorite childhood as well. And I can remember making lunch out of those Hostess sugary coated fruit pies on more than one occasion. Yeah, I know I'm not the poster boy for healthy eating, but those things were great! And I didn't even mention Wonder bread, another American classic!

The Twinkie is as American as apple pie. Well, maybe that's a bit of a stretch. But considering that Hostess has been cranking out 500 million Twinkies a year, somebody must like them. And, although I've never actually tried one, I hear that the deep-fried Twinkie is a big hit at festivals and state fairs around the country. 

Farewell to another piece of Americana.......

kw

Companies React As Obamacare Moves Forward

With President Obama's reelection last week, it pretty much assures that his hotly contested Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare) will move forward. And this appears to have a lot of businesses concerned about how they will pay for the additional coverage for their employees.

In a nutshell, Obamacare is due to be fully implemented in a little over a year (January 2014). Businesses with more than 50 employees will be required to offer an approved insurance plan to workers who work at least 30 hours per week. If the employer chooses not to offer the insurance, it will have to pay a $2000 penalty (per affected employee). This is what prompted several businesses to make some drastic changes over the past week.

For example, a Denny's franchise owner in Florida recently announced that he will begin adding a 5% surcharge to customer's bills. This is to help offset the inevitable costs he will have to absorb as a result of Obamacare. The same business owner also said that he will be reducing many employee's hours to under 30.

Papa John's also announced that the new healthcare plan will add 11-14 cents to the cost of each of the company's pizzas. This cost will be passed onto the consumer. I really don't think that the average person would complain too much about paying an extra 14 cents for a pizza. But there's also talk of cutting worker's hours. I must note that Papa John's recently gave away two million free pizzas in a NFL promotion. So, I can understand the criticism that would likely follow.

Darden Restaurants which owns popular chains like Olive Garden and Red Lobster has announced plans to cut hours as well. Darden's 185,000 employees are all currently offered health insurance. But that doesn't mean things are going to stay the same. Many of employees currently have plans don't have enough bells and whistles to fulfill the requirements of Obamacare. Therefore, Darden will have to beef up the insurance plans or be forced to pay the penalty. So, instead, the company will likely reduce many employee's hours to the magical under-30 mark. (On a side note, I have read that the CEO of Darden is a big-time Obama supporter/donor. So, I'm scratching my head a little on that one...)

Along the same lines, several medical equipment makers recently announced plans to cut their workforces. Obamacare includes a 2.3% industry-wide excise tax on medical equipment.

So, what does this all mean? Is this knee-jerk reaction by frustrated companies who had rolled the dice on a Romney presidency? Or is it simply a political statement? And how will customers react to all of this? I've already seen online chatter calling for the boycotts of some of these companies. For American businesses as a whole, could this only be the tip of the iceberg? Will the standard work week now be 30 hours or less?

Giving everyone affordable healthcare insurance sure sounds like a good thing. But someone has to pay for all of this. That's where the big problem lies....

And I know people are going to redirect things to some degree (i.e... It was Nixon who first introduced the mandate, universal healthcare was Newt Gingrich's idea, socialized medicine works so great in other countries, etc). What difference does it make? The bottom line is this is President Obama's baby. If the Affordable Care Act turns out to be a great thing, he will certainly take the due credit. However, if it proves to be an economic disaster, he's going to have a hard time trying to blame this one on Bush....

kw

Cleaning Out The Spam Folder

Since ninety percent of the mail that the Postal Service delivers to my house is junk mail, I guess it's only fitting that email would follow the same course. So, today I decided to go through my spam folder to make sure no legitimate emails got "trapped" in there. As I sorted through the various items, I found many of them downright amusing. Here are some of the actual unedited subject lines that I copied and pasted:

• Say Goodbye to Body Acne 
• View Photos of 50 plus Singles Near You
• Why didn't you tell me?!
• Ken Wilson, Counsel Suffering Addicts
• Date Real Cheating Wives in your Area Today
• Canadian Pharmacy : Viagra + CIALIS !!
• $1,000 for Ken Wilson
• Give her the best of you
• USPS delivery information # Error ID6199
• Neglected and Lonely Housewives searching for love

I love the ones that basically say "Hot Athletic Women With Insatiable Sexual Appetites Are Dying To Meet YOU!". Now, I'm a happily married man, so it's a moot point. But I have to wonder how many gullible guys get these emails and let it go to their heads. I mean, if you've got thousands of women trying to knock down your bedroom door, it's understandable how you could get an inflated ego. 

And speaking of inflated.......

What's up with all of these Viagra emails? I get them of the time and frankly, it's starting to make me feel a little self-conscience. It always seems like the supplier is outside of the United States, most of the time in Canada. Hey, I appreciate my neighbors to the north having all of this concern for me, but my hydraulics are working just fine, thank you.....

And why are people who I don't even know offering to give me large sums of money. Have you ever gotten one of those emails that claim that there's $10 trillion waiting for you somewhere overseas? And the only thing that you have to do is send them $500 first in order to cover the processing fee. How could anyone pass up such a generous offer? I actually replied back to one of them I told them that if they would just send me a money order or cashier's check for the $10 trillion, I would gladly send their processing fee out as soon as the check clears. I haven't received anything yet, but I check my mailbox everyday just in case...

I also hate when you get a subject line that reads something like, "Regarding Your Order #12345". It always looks legitimate and since I order a fair amount of stuff online, I'm always tempted to dig into it. Along the same lines, I occasionally get a fraudulent email that appears to be from my bank. The key is to never surrender any personal information to these scammers. If you suspect that it's bogus, it probably is.

And lastly, I really get a kick out of the emails that invite me to "counsel suffering addicts". I think everyone knows that if  you left me alone with a group of addicts, we would ultimately wind up at Happy Hour doing Tuaca shots. Yep, I think they'd better find someone with a little more will-power for that job.

So, now that my Spam folder has been thoroughly purged, I think I'll take a nostalgic walk out to the "snail" mail box and see if that $10 trillion ever showed up....

kw

Election Day 2012 - The Aftermath

Through the years, I've conditioned myself to keep my comments to a minimum when my emotions are high. When you're emotional, you're more prone to say things that are hurtful and could come back and bite you in the ass. So, that's why I'm writing this now instead of last night....

No doubt, people are very passionate about their politics. There were endless heated online discussions after the election, especially on Facebook. Scrolling through the profanity-laced tirades, it was quite clear that more than a few people were upset about President Obama winning re-election. And I can assure you that many Facebook "friendships" are now on the ropes as a result of some of the verbal beat-downs.

It's no secret that I'm conservative and that I was puling for Mitt Romney. Obviously, things didn't turn out the way I had hoped. But I support the political process in this country, so I'll just have to move on and accept the fact that Obama won hands down. I, along with my conservative friends, might not be happy with what he'll do in the next four years, but nonetheless, he is going to be our President. For the sake of our country, I hope Obama proves us all wrong.

There are different theories about what the GOP or Mitt Romney, in particular could have done different to win this election. Personally, I believe that Romney made a mistake by not choosing Senator Marco Rubio for his running mate. Rubio would have most likely delivered the 29 electoral votes from Florida, as well as brought a larger overall percentage of the Hispanic vote. In a tight race, this would have most likely pushed the Romney ticket over the top. But enough of the Monday morning quarterbacking..

Moving on.....

There were some interesting developments in some of the country's local elections. For instance, voters in Maine and Maryland made history by approving gay marriage. This was a first time that gay marriage has been approved by the popular vote in the US.

Also, in Maryland, the "Dream Act" was voted in. This basically gives in-state tuition rates to children of illegal (or "undocumented") immigrants. I don't understand how someone can be rewarded for breaking our border laws. I'm starting to wonder if we should just open up the borders for everyone since it seems like the existing immigration laws mean nothing....

In Washington and Colorado, voters approved the legalization of marijuana. At least for Colorado, this gives a whole new meaning to Rocky Mountain High. I've been to Boulder, Colorado many times and I can tell you that the folks up there will take full advantage of the new law.

Ending on a positive note, I was really happy to see the high voter turnout yesterday. Many of my friends told me stories of waiting in line an hour or more at the polling places. My visit lasted about thirty minutes. My favorite moment was watching an elderly veteran push his walker over to the voting booth. He had a smile on his face the entire time. And he naturally put one on mine. It was a powerful example of why everyone should exercise their right to vote.

Although not everyone is happy with yesterday's outcome, there will be other elections. Keep in mind, that none of this changes the fact that we're all still Americans. And that, my friends, is always something to celebrate.....

kw

Prelude To The 2012 Election

For the past few weeks, my answering machine has been working overtime filtering through the endless political robo-calls. And when the phone's not ringing off of the hook, I find myself cursing at the television as I'm bombarded with a constant stream of political ads. I find it amusing when one ad tells me to vote for Question 7 and then it's immediately followed by another ad telling me not to vote for it. I guess it's all moot anyway as I already know how I'm voting. Which makes me wonder how effective all of those robo-calls, TV ads and road signs really are. Have you ever voted for someone or something because some stranger on the other end of the phone line told you to?

Many celebrities choose to campaign for their favorite candidates. I guess that's ok. But I have to wonder how much influence these guys really have. For instance, in one unconventional  campaign ad, Samuel L. Jackson told us to "Wake the f*ck up!" and vote for Obama. No doubt, Samuel L. did play a "bad-ass mutha-f*cker" in Pulp Fiction, but does that really qualify him to tell me how to cast my vote? 

According to most of the polls, it appears that the Presidential election is going to come down to the wire. At the time of this writing, here are the latest poll numbers:

• Gallop: Romney 50% - Obama 49%
• Rasmussen: Romney 49% - Obama 48%
• ABC/Washington Post: Obama 49% - Romney 49%
• NBC/Wall Street Journal: Obama 48% - Romney 47%

I don't care how you slice, that's pretty damned close. But can we really put a lot of faith in these pools? I mean, didn't the polls have Jimmy Carter beating Ronald Reagan back in 1980? So will we have another Bush/Gore scenario or will we have a clear, undisputed winner when the dust settles sometime (hopefully) tomorrow? 

And let's not forget about the "Redskin's Rule". Since 1940, the outcome of the Redskins home game prior to the election has proved to determine the Presidential winner. Basically, if the Skins win, the incumbent party retains the Presidency. The lone exception to the "rule" was in 2004 when the Skins lost but the incumbent, George W. Bush still beat John Kerry. As a result, the Redskins Rule was revised to apply to the last President who was elected via the popular vote (Al Gore defeated Bush in the popular vote in 2000, but Bush became President by way of the electoral college).

Regardless of who wins, I am concerned about a few things. For instance, there have been threats of riots and looting if Obama should lose. Really? I honestly hope these are nothing more than boneheaded threats by a handful of mentally-challenged individuals. What purpose would rioting serve anyway? It certainly won't change the outcome of the election. This is America, for God's sake, not some Third World country! I'll bet the idiots who are making these threats won't even go out to vote!

I was also disappointed to read a recent piece about how the New Black Panthers will possibly be "monitoring" some polling places this year. Great! I guess since our sorry excuse for an Attorney General did nothing  about the intimidation in Philadelphia the last time around, the Panthers probably figured, "Hell, why not do it again?" I thought there were laws against this sort of thing.....

There's also news that thousands of voter ballots won't make it to military personnel overseas by the deadline. This really pisses me off. If anyone deserves their vote to be counted, it's our military. There's no excuse for not taking preemptive measures to assure that they get to cast a ballot.

As it stands right now, Obama is said to have 237 electoral votes locked up while Romney has 206 in his bag. Of course, to win, you need 270. I live in Maryland where Obama will no doubt win the state's ten electoral votes. But the "up-for-grabs" states that will have the most impact on the outcome tomorrow are Wisconsin (10) Florida (29), Colorado (9), Virginia (13) and Ohio (18).If all of these state's go to one candidate, the election is obviously over. If they're split, who knows....

Among other things on the local ballot (Maryland) tomorrow, we've voting on gay marriage, the Dream Act, Casino table games, redistricting, etc. Yes, there's a lot at stake. But no matter who or what you support, please exercise your right to vote tomorrow. It's the American thing to do!

kw

Bracing For The Perfect Storm

Enjoying my morning coffee yesterday, I stared out at the Atlantic Ocean from my hotel balcony. The sun was shining brightly overhead and the rhythmic crashing of the waves was naturally soothing. As far a day goes, this was about as good as it could get.

Then, I went back inside and flipped through the various news programs. Most the stories centered around the pending hurricane. One reporter was calling it "the storm of the century" while another one simply labeled it the "Frankenstorm". I walked back outside to make sure I didn't miss anything the last time around. Nope, it was still 65 degrees and a downright beautiful late-October day.

Listening to the various conversations during my day of bar-hopping, the general feeling from the Ocean City locals was that this was a storm to be taken seriously. It was really starting to depress the euphoria that I normally experience on these weekend getaways.

Waking up this morning, I returned to balcony to size things up. The sun had given way to gray skies and the ocean was noticeably rougher. Now, I'm starting to get a little nervous. Who exactly is this Sandy? And why is she intent on ruining my festive weekend?

Tina and I took a morning stroll along the boardwalk. The wind was really picking up and as a result, many of the boardwalk merchants had already started  to board up their storefronts. I was really disappointed when I saw the Hooters on 5th Street with plywood in the windows. I was really craving some of those wings.

I'm not sure if it was an ominous sign of things to come, but we saw a dead dolphin that had washed up on the beach. As if the sight wasn't gloomy enough, the dolphin had two large bite marks which were most likely the result of a hungry shark. In all of my years of coming the beach, I have never seen a dead dolphin.

Looking at the weather report, it looks like the weather is going to get progressively worse. But the really bad stuff isn't expected to hit the Maryland coast until late tomorrow. So, we're going to hang until tomorrow morning and then make a quick exit out of Dodge. Will this be the bad-ass storm that everyone's talking about? Or will it be another overhyped bust? We should know the answer in the next couple of days. But until then, my main concern is where I can get some good wings and a cold beer. Cheers...

The Final Debate of 2012

Overall, last night's debate between President Obama and Gov. Mitt Romney seemed a bit unproductive to me. I didn't really hear anything from either candidate that I haven't heard before. And although the debate was supposed to focus on foreign policy, domestic issues were often brought up by both candidates, in what I assume was an effort to spew one last round of campaign rhetoric.

The thing that really surprised me though was that Romney didn't really grill the President over the recent Libyan terrorist attack that left four Americans dead. There has been a lot of controversy over whether or not the Obama administration covered up facts surrounding this tragic event. The stage was set, but for some reason, Romney failed to push the issue. Along the same lines, Romney conveniently left out any mention of the "Fast & Furious" controversy. What impact this would have had on undecided voters is anyone's guess.


The biggest problem I had with this, and previous debates, is that both candidates consistently present conflicting arguments on almost any topic. If one is telling us the sky is blue and the other will say that it's red. Well, they both can't be right! I often feel like I've got to have a fact-check website at my fingertips while watching these things. I can certainly understand why there in no love for politicians. I can understand the contrasting ideologies to some degree, but wouldn't it be nice if we could at least keep the facts straight?

In predictable fashion, supporters from both sides feel that their candidate won last night's debate. I think both men had their moments. And as expected, the usual suspects immediately lined up behind their guy. MSNBC blowhard Chris Mattthews, even took an opportunity to throw out the race card after the debate by saying:

"I think they hate Obama. They want him out of the White House more than they want to destroy Al Qaeda. Their No. 1 enemy in the world right now, on the right, is their hatred, hatred for Obama. And we can go into that about the white working class in the South and looking at these numbers we're getting the last couple days about racial hatred in many cases … this isn't about being a better president, they want to get rid of this president.."

Could Matthews' comments be because he has lost the "thrill that ran up his leg" in 2008 and he's worried that his man (Obama) could possibly lose this election? Nonetheless, I find the racial accusations reckless and offensive. Republicans often disagree with Democrats and vice versa. There are a multitude of reasons why but it very seldom has anything to do with skin color.

Since Obama has slipped in recent polls, the President probably felt the need come out aggressive last night. And that's the exactly way I saw him. Although, I had issues with some of his statements, I did think that he appeared strong and confident, which is quite the contrary to the first debate. However, at times, I thought Obama appeared condescending and arrogant. I thought his "horses and bayonets" comment was a misguided attempt to illustrate that his challenger had limited knowledge of our military. But the President's comment lost air when it was revealed that the Marines still use bayonets and the Army still uses horses, in Afghanistan for example.

 Romney on the other hand, surprisingly came off as a bit soft. I really thought that he would have went for the throat, as many conservatives feel that Obama has been very weak on foreign policy. Romney did get in an occasional jab, for instance, when he commented on Obama's Middle East "apology tour".

As for the moderator, I thought Bob Schieffer did a good job. Although I'm no fan of CBS, I always thought of Schieffer as knowledgeable and fair. He was far better, in my opinion, than the moderators of the previous two debates.

On a lighter note, I always get a kick out of how the opposing candidates greet each other after the event. They shake hands, exchange pleasantries and then greet each other's families like they're catching up at a reunion on Walton Mountain. Of course, this is right after the two guys spent the last hour and a half verbally browbeating each other. It just seems funny to me. Kind of like the way MMA fighters touch gloves and then immediately try to dislocate each other's head.

So, what does it all mean? Will any of these debates influence the outcome of what many consider to be the most important election of our lifetime? From Obamacare to the inevitable appointment of one or more Supreme Court justices, the next four years will likely have some serious ramifications on our future. Who you choose to vote for is your business. All I can suggest is this..... Try to filter through as much of the bullshit as possible, then vote for the candidate who you truly believe can best lead our country......

kw

Do A Little Dance

So last night, I go to a local nightclub to listen to a friend's band. They start to crank out all of the old classic rock songs and before long the dance floor begins to fill.  I always get a kick out of watching people as they cut the rug. It's actually fun to watch if people can actually dance. But unfortunately, that's very seldom the case.

As I watch the women pull their boyfriends and husbands out to the dance floor, I can't help but notice that the crowd is rather old. In fact, I would estimate the median age of the dancers to be about 75. I instantly wondered if I mistaken walked into dance night at the convalescent center. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against senior citizens. But I have to admit, it just struck me as a bit odd to see the AARP crowd getting down to Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell".

One particular couple was really going at it. They were flailing to to the upbeat song as the man twirled the woman on every fourth measure. At this frantic pace, I couldn't help but think that a broken hip was imminent. But thankfully, they made it through....

There was another elderly guy who was desperately trying to cling onto his image from yesteryear. He looked like a cross between Joe Walsh and Patrick Swayze's character from Roadhouse. He had a bi-level haircut (circa 1982), tight-ass Wrangler jeans and a black leather vest. Yep, he really had it going on. And he kept a straight face the entire time. He obviously took his dancing very seriously.

I sat in my chair on the edge of the dance floor and listened to the band jam out to Judas Priest's "You've Got Another Thing Coming" while the senior crowd continued to boogie down. A "young" woman, whom I would estimate to be around fifty, walks toward me. This is going to sound so wrong, but I instantly deduced two things about her: she wasn't wearing a bra and she was cold. When she got within three feet of me, I instinctively looked down for fear of getting poked in the eye. Go ahead and laugh, but you can never be too careful....

Back to the dancers......

As one couple entered the dance floor, the woman began shaking baby powder over the floor. This was obviously done to cut down on the friction between their shoes and the floor. The couple then began to move like John Travolta and Uma Thurman in the dance scene from Pulp Fiction. Although they could certainly dance, I couldn't ignore that the man had this uniquely long face, reminiscent of Herman Munster. And as he glided effortlessly over his powered dance space, he chomped vigorously on a generous wad of chewing gum. The whole scene was really weird.

Towards the end of the evening, a middle-aged couple drew everyone's attention because they were actually very good dancers. I have to admit, I was really enjoying it. But then, out of nowhere, the guy does a full split! Every guy in the bar instantly reached down below and it was followed by a chorus of groans. I reached for my phone and prepared to dial 911. But miraculously, the guy stood back up and resumed the dance like nothing happened. That was some impressive stuff!

Now, after building up enough courage courtesy of seven or eight draft beers, I have been known to step onto the dance floor myself. But it doesn't always end well. One time, I got recruited to join in on "The Electric Slide". I make no secret about it, I can not dance. Halfway through the song, at least three people were laying on the ground as a result of my big, clumsy ass knocking them over. Trust me, if you ever see me  stumble onto a dance floor, run!

And if I'm not knocking other dancers over, I'm making a total fool of myself. Sometimes, I'll be busting a move and feeling the rhythm. Like an idiot, I'll think to myself, "Hey, maybe I really can dance!" This thought instantly vanishes when I look up to see half of the bar pointing to me and laughing hysterically. It's very hurtful.

So next time you're at the club, take a look around. Sometimes, the best entertainment is right in front of you on the dance floor!

kw

The Virtual American Workforce

Earlier today, while preparing to pay for my goods at a local grocery store, I found it troubling that there was only one "manned" checkout line. All of the others were those self-checkout lines. Not wanting to wait behind the ten people in the real line, I opted to give the store a few minutes of my free labor. So, I jump into the shortest line. The lone guy in front of me seemed to be having an issue while scanning some type of coupon. After several unsuccessful attempts, a flashing police light finally goes off and a store employee comes over to intervene. She hits a few buttons and then tells the guy that "it should work" now and walks away. The guy tries a few more times but ultimately sets off the flashing light again. The employee, who seems a bit annoyed, comes back over. This time she waves some type of special card over the scanner like she's preforming a magic trick. Whatever she did finally works and the guy is able to complete his transaction. Luckily, I scanned my stuff without an issue. But it still annoyed me that the store was too cheap to pay a real cashier....

The grocery stores aren't the only places that have tossed the "real workers" to the side. Police departments now rely on cameras to catch speeders and red-light runners. We're told that these cameras are "for safety" but we all know that's a bunch of bullshit. Those cameras are strictly for revenue. Hey, I never want a ticket, but if I do get one, I'd like it to be from a real cop!

A month or so ago, the local utility company informed me that they wanted to put a "smart" meter on my house. The meter would allow them to monitor and control things remotely. I wonder how many people will be given pink slips as a result of this crap. In an act of defiance, I opted to not have one installed. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but shortly afterward, BGE sent me a couple of nastygrams telling me that I had to "provide access" to my "obstructed" meter. Funny. the meter's been in the same place since the house was built over twenty years ago. But now, all of a sudden, it's "obstructed".

And remember the good ol' days when you could pick up the phone and talk to a live person. Now, you have to go through 30 minutes of pushing different numbers just to get to a virtual customer service rep. I had problem with one of my cable TV boxes recently. I called in for support and wound up talking to a virtual technical. After a while, I got frustrated and started to curse. This only prompted the cyber tech to respond, "I'm sorry, sir. I do not understand 'This is f*cking bullshit'. Can you please repeat that?"

I Stopped by an Arby's in Colorado last year. All I wanted was a simple roast beef sandwich. Well, as I walk up to the counter and begin to place my order, the young lady behind the counter informs my that I have to order it from the touch screen in front of the counter. Like an idiot, I ask, "Why can't I just tell you what I want? It's a pretty good system. They've been using it forever in the fast food business." But she would have no parts of it. So, I attempted to place my order via the touch screen but I made an error. This caused the girl behind the counter to reset the screen. With a confused look, I ask her, "Hey, if you can reset the screen, can you place orders too?"

Surprisingly, she tells me that she can.

So I say, "I've got an idea. How about I tell you want I want and you can punch it up on your touchscreen. No one will ever know."

She tells me that she's not supposed to do this. So, I break out the heavy artillery and ask, "Come on, do you really want to stand between a man and his Big Montana?" She starts to laugh and I immediately start to wonder if I said something inappropriate. (By the way, a Big Montana is a gigantic roast beef sandwich that used to be on the Arby's menu.). Nonetheless, she finally puts my order in and I'm out the door....

As technology progresses, it hard to say how far this will go. I hear they now have a "driver-less" car. That sounds a bit scary to me. But I guess it would make getting home from Happy Hour a little easier...

kw

The O's - A Reason To Celebrate!

Since 1998, the official end of the Baltimore baseball season was marked by the opening kickoff of the Raven's season. However, this year was a bit different as we cheered for the Oriole's into the second week of October.

Last year, I took some criticism for a piece that I wrote about the O's excessive celebration on their last game of the season. If you don't remember, the O's had knocked the Red Sox out of the playoffs. I didn't think that a team with 69-93 record had any reason to be celebrating. I still stand by my original story which you can read for yourself (http://kensmouthpiece.blogspot.com/2011/09/os-reason-to-celebrate.html). The only optimism that I had was that maybe there was a possibility that the O's would carry some of this emotion into the 2012 season. And that they certainly did......

I have to admit, although a longtime baseball fan, I really lost interest in watching a losing team year after year. I would always have a fondness for the Orange & Black, but during the fifteen years of losing seasons, it was really tough to get excited. Keep in mind, I grew up with the Oriole's teams of the 70's and early 80's where losing seasons were unheard of. So, when the O's began their fifteen year slide, I guess you can understand my disappointment and frustration.

But as the 2102 season began, I instantly saw something different about the team. There seemed to be a comradery and excitement among the players that I hadn't seen in quite some time. Before long, there were dramatic come-from-behind wins and a stellar pitching performances from the starters as well as the bullpen. There seemed to be a hunger to get to the next level. And Manager Buck Showalter had this team believing that they could actually do it!

This team battled the mighty Yankees all the way until the final week of the regular season for the top spot in the American League East. Winning a very impressive 93 games, the Orioles went on to defeat last year's American League champs (Texas Rangers) in the wild card playoff game. From there, they took the Yankees to game five of the divisional playoffs. Of course, the O's came up a little short in the 3-1 loss against New York, but you can't deny that this was an impressive run! (By the way, the Yankees payroll more than doubles the salaries of the Baltimore team. Just sayin'....)

I thoroughly enjoyed watching this year's team. They brought some much needed excitement back to Baltimore baseball fans. Although we're going into week six of the NFL season, up until Friday, most of the sports talk around Baltimore centered around the Oriole's rather than the Ravens. While at a Raven's game a couple of weeks ago, Buck Showalter was in attendance. When the stadium cameras flashed his image on the Jumbotron, the crowd started chanting "Let's Go O's!" This is the first time that I ever remember this happening at a Raven's game. But I liked it.....

Some of my memories of this season:

• Adam Jones running down balls in centerfield while blowing a softball-size bubble
• Mark Reynolds going on that week-long homerun tear. He also proved to be a great defensive first baseman down the stretch and into the playoffs
• Pedro Strop's crooked hat. It drove me nuts every time he took the mound!
• The introduction of 3rd Baseman Manny Machado. Trust me, this kid is going to be good!
• Jimmy Johnson setting the O's record of 51 saves. But amazing, he blew two opportunities in the divisional playoffs.
• Seeing Nate McClouth blaze down to second base and diving safely under the tag
• The overall utilization of the pitching staff. Keep in mind, the Oriole's won 93 regular season games, but the most wins by any individual pitcher was 12 (Wei-Yin Chen)
• Watching Matt Wieters gun base-stealers down from his knees
• My good buddy, Hank, giving me an authentic Oriole's jersey early in the season. I wore it proudly this year!
• Drinking more Natty-Boh's in the past two weeks than all of my previous years combined!
• The unexpected criticism that Cal Ripken drew from O's fans on his commentary during the playoffs. I have to admit, when Cal called the Rangers' Adrian Beltre the best 3rd baseman ever, my jaw dropped. Come on Cal, we love ya, you should know that this type of comment isn't going to fly in Baltimore

If Buck Showalter doesn't win Manager of the Year, something is seriously wrong. He has totally turned this team around and most importantly, he has them believing in themselves. This year's Oriole's team reminded me of the early-80's O's teams where everyone contributed in their own little way. And the players seemed to be genuinely having a good time throughout the season. There were no superstars, just a bunch of scappy guys who wanted to go to the next level. And that they did......

Thank you to the 2102 Baltimore Orioles for a superb season. Yes, we do indeed have a reason to celebrate!

kw

Here's To You, Mr. Robinson

For a young baseball fan, growing up in Baltimore during the 70’s was heaven. The Orioles were flying high and you could bank on them being a contender in the American League East all the way into September.

Back then, the away games were generally the only ones which were televised. So, when the Oriole’s were playing at Memorial Stadium in Baltimore, I relied on broadcasters Chuck Thompson and Bill O'Donnell to deliver the game to me via a small transistor radio. They would paint such a vivid picture of the game that I often felt like I was sitting right behind the 3rd base dugout.

Obviously, I was a big Oriole’s fan, but there was one player who I particularly idolized. His name was Brooks Robinson. Brooks was a highlight reel of spectacular plays at third base thus earning him the nickname: The Human Vacuum Cleaner. And although most people remember him for his defensive play, Brooks was also a pretty decent hitter. To say that Brooks Robinson was admired in Baltimore would be an understatement. People were actually naming their kids after him!

I got the opportunity to meet my boyhood idol at an autograph signing at a local gas station (yes, back in the day, players actually did this!). I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as I anxiously waited behind the long line of other neighborhood kids. When I finally approached Brooks, he prepared to sign a complementary 8x10 head-shot of himself. He looked up at me and said, “Hi there, son. What’s your name?”

I nervously replied, “Kenny.”

Now keep in mind that, to me, this was like my Mom meeting Elvis. So, Brooks signs the photo with a ball-point pen. There were no Sharpies in those days. He hands the newly signed ball to me and says, “There you go, Kenny. Thanks for coming out.”

As a ten year old, hearing this local legend refer to me by name was simply amazing. Now that I felt like we officially knew each other, I followed up with a request. Like a kid asking Santa to bring his favorite Christmas toy, I looked up and said, “Mr. Robinson, could I get you to sign my baseball glove?”

He smiled and reached out for my glove. As he signed it, I imagined Brooks putting it on and snagging a line drive over the 3rd base bag. How cool would that be? Interrupting my daydream, he handed the signed glove back to me and asked, “So, what position do you play, Kenny?”

A little more relaxed now, I said, “Third base. Just like you, Brooks.”

He grinned and replied, “That's great. Best of luck to you, son.”

I could hardly wait to show my teammates my newly prized possession. With Brooks' autograph on my glove, I would be a shoe-in for the All-Star team! I can remember glancing at the signature as I took warm-ups at 3rd base before my Little League game. I couldn't help but feel like I had a distinct edge on the competition.

Even though it was a long time ago and my exchange with Brooks Robinson was very brief, it was one of the highlights of my childhood. He took the time to meet and greet every kid in the line that day. And he did it with a smile on his face. He was, no doubt, one of the classiest guys ever to play the game. (Is it any surprise that Brooks was an inspiration for a young Cal Ripken Jr?)

My cherished baseball glove is long gone, but the signed 8x10 still proudly hangs on my wall today. It always takes me back to those summer days of my childhood when all that really mattered was playing baseball by day and watching the O's at night.

Thanks for the memories, Brooks....

kw