Affluenza - Can I Catch It?

Well, I learned something new this morning. As I sipped my initial cup of coffee, I caught a news story about a teenager who had fled to Mexico after violating his probation. At first, I wondered why it was such a big deal. The news anchor explained that the Texas teen had killed four people in a drunk driving incident a couple of years ago. The teen driver, Ethan Couch, had a blood-alcohol level three times the legal limit.

For some reason (we'll get to that soon) the judge in this case decided to slap the kid on the wrist. Instead of giving him jail time, he awarded him with ten years probation. Part of the kid's probation was to refrain from alcohol. Before long, this dumb-ass goes to a party with several other teenage friends. And what does every teenager have surgically attached to his or her body? That's right, a cell phone. Of course, someone captures the kid partying and the video winds up somewhere in cyber-space.

So, with the incriminating evidence looming, the kid fled to Mexico with his mother. The US Marshal Service eventually tracked the pair down and handed them over to Mexican immigration authorities. They are in the process of being deported back to the US where the teen might be looking at an extended sleepover with some new friends at the jailhouse.

Ok, now that I've given you a brief summary, let me tell what really caught my attention. You might be wondering how a kid with a blood-alcohol level three times the legal limit could get away with killing four people. Well, apparently there's something called "affluenza". Until this morning, I had never heard of the term. So, what is "affluenza", you ask? According to what I've read, this is a "condition" where a person doesn't have the ability to understand the consequences of his/her actions because of financial privilege. 

Um, okay.......

It seems just like yesterday that being "disenfranchised" was an excuse for bad behavior. Well, now you can also play the rich card. Of course, it helps to have a high-priced lawyer if you plan on coming down with a case of "affluenza". The only requirement is that you need to be rich. Common sense is highly discouraged...

So, if I've got this right, you can get out of a jam by claiming that you've lived a pampered life and therefore, can't be held to the same rules as the common folk? Sorry if I'm not down with the struggle, but I'm just not getting it. 30 grand a year to send your kid to the finest school in town, only to have him come out an idiot.

Affluenza......I definitely learn something new everyday.

kw

The Hand Surgery

A few weeks ago, I finally got around to having a cyst removed from my right hand. It was about the size of a pea and for the most part, it didn't really bother me. But every now and then, it would give me excruciating pain. For instance, if I shook hands with someone with a extra firm handshake and they squeezed my cyst, it would almost make me cry. But knowing it would put a serious ding in my masculinity, I would just grin and bear it.

Anyway, I went to a local surgery center for the procedure. I was told that it was a minor "operation" which would require only a local anesthesia. This sounded good to me because I don't like to be "put under". So, I checked in at the front desk and filled out various forms in the waiting area. I could overhear several people bitching about having to wait so long. This always annoys me. It's like they think they're more important than anyone else in the room. There was one woman, in pajama bottoms, who seemed especially irritated. I guess she was running late for the DVD sale at Walmart.

After about an hour after my scheduled appointment time, I was finally called back to the prep area. I passed several small cubicles which had the curtain closed. I was somewhat relieved to hear no screaming or moaning. I was escorted to the last cube where I was told to take a seat.

After a few minutes, a doctor's aide came in and had me sign a few more forms. She also took my blood pressure. She commented on my "big bicep". I haven't been to the gym in two or three years, so I think she was just bullshitting me. But it still made me feel good as I fought the urge to flex my upper arm muscle.

Eventually, the doctor comes in. Somewhat surprising, he asks me what I'm here for today. Wasn't he expecting me? So, I explain my predicament, and he says, "Ok, I'll be back in a few minutes and we'll get you numbed up."

I figure he's going to shoot some Novocaine into my hand using one of those small needles that the dentists use. However, a few minutes later, the doctor returns with something that looks more like a Super Soaker. It was a large syringe that was loaded up with a clear liquid. My instant reaction was, "Whoa! WTF is that?"

He smiled and said, "Trust me, this is the worst part."

As he prepared to stick me, he told me that it was going to hurt. I instinctively gritted my teeth. He slowly pushed the needle into my palm. It hurt like hell but I tried to conceal my pain. He continued to push on the plunger, emptying the contents of the needle into my defenseless hand. Although this only lasted for about 20 seconds, it felt like an entire afternoon.

About 15 minutes later, half of my right hand became numb. The doctor's aide came back in and asked me to sign another form. Kinda hard to do with a hand that has no feeling. But I did the best I could. The signature was barely legible. But then again, I don't have the best handwriting, even on a good day.

Eventually, I'm called back to the "operating room". This in itself is quite weird because it's the first time that I've ever walked into an O.R. On all previous occasions, I've been dressed in a hospital gown and wheeled in on a gurney. So, as I walk through the door, I'm greeted by two doctors and a nurse. I'm told to lay on the table and extend my right arm. Before I knew it, one of the doctors began to slap a yellow liquid all over my arm, from my hand up to my elbow. I was told that this was some type of disinfectant. I explained that I shower regularly but the guy didn't seem to care as he continued to "disinfect" me.

When I was sufficiently disinfected, my arm was positioned on a small extension of the cushioned table. The two doctors wasted no time and went right into action. I could feel them pulling on my hand but I felt no pain. The two doctors were whispering to each other which made me very nervous. Then, the main doctor said, "Ok, we're in. You want to take a look at it?"

Now, I've seen enough Quentin Tarantino movies to numb my general fear over bloody carnage. However, glancing at my filleted hand was something that didn't interest me. I told the doctor to just do his thing and I would take a look after he closed it up.

The whole "operation" took about five minutes. My hand was bandaged and wrapped up in an Ace bandage. I was told that I could expect to experience some pain after the numbness wore off so the doctor prescribed some pain killers. I wound up taking a couple pills the first night as a pre-caution but the pain was pretty much non-existent.

Of course, I still had to wear the bandage for a few days. This is always awkward when you go out in public. People will inevitably ask, "Wow, what happened to your hand?" Now, I could be honest and give them the real answer. But who wants to hear about a boring cyst? So, I had fun making up more "exciting" stories. For instance, I told a Walgreen's cashier that I got into a scuffle with a couple of much larger guys. I explained that I saw these two thugs trying to steal a young girl's puppy. I approached them and told them to leave the girl alone. Then, the one guy turned toward me and pulled out a switchblade knife. I yelled to the girl to take her puppy and go! As the girl ran to safety, I broke into a Bruce Lee-style roundhouse and kicked the knife out of the guy's hand. I wish someone would have caught it on video because it was that impressive! Anyway, as the second guy approached me, I rattled off a series of popcorn jabs, followed by bone-crushing hay maker to his skull. Not realizing the power of my "big bicep", I wound up breaking my hand on that final blow to the guy's head. But as long as the little girl and her puppy were safe, that's all that really mattered......Amazingly, the young cashier appeared to believe me.

Hey. when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Or at least make up a good story.....:-)

kw

They Called Me Dumbo

Although childhood can be a time of fun and discovery, it can sometimes be quite trying. In my case, I grew up as a chubby (aka husky) kid. While I caught my share of "fatboy" comments, they didn't really bother me too much. I figured as soon as my love of Tasty-Klairs passed, I would be able to lose weight and be more like the rest of the neighborhood kids.

Anyway, the real issue that I had to deal with as a kid was my ears. By the time I was six years old, I had the biggest ears in the neighborhood. To make matters worse, they protruded from my head like a couple of luggage handles. I tried to pretend that I was just imagining things and that my ears were the same as everyone else. Well, the illusion was shattered as soon as the Dumbo remarks started. Kids that I didn't even know would point out my "elephant ears". And I can remember several wannabe comedians telling me to "fly away". I always tried to laugh it off. Sometimes I would try defend myself by saying something stupid like, "My ears might be big but at least I can hear better than you!" This would only make the kids laugh harder.

I can remember mentioning all of this it to my mom. Of course, she thought I was being silly. When I brought up the possibly of plastic surgery, she thought I was absolutely crazy. I would try to justify it by offering to donate a portion of my ears to needy kids in Africa. I soon realized that my efforts were futile and that I was going to be stuck with these things for life.

There was a guy on the Baltimore Colts named Roger Carr. He was a wide receiver who could catch anything. Along with his ability to catch a football, he also had a set of ears that stuck out like a couple of radar dishes. I would sometimes point this out to my friends in an attempt to illustrate that even sports heroes could have big ears.

When I reached my teenage years, I let my hair grow long in an effort to hide my ears. Although it worked, the side effect was the never-ending arguments with my dad. He would constantly badger me about getting a haircut and tell me that I looked like a girl. I tried to plead my case by telling him that I was taking a verbal beating from the neighborhood kids. He would point out that he also had large ears and he didn't care what people thought. Although I could certainly sympathize with him, it didn't help my situation. I really didn't care if I looked like a girl or a sheepdog, it was better than looking like Dumbo. 

But then, something miraculous happened.......

As the rest of my body continued to grow, my ears didn't. By the time I was eighteen, the rest of my head had pretty much caught up to my ears. It took me a few more years to gain enough self-confidence to get a real haircut. The first time I went out in public with my ears fully exposed was a scary experience. I walked into a crowded shopping mall feeling like I was naked. I tried to catch the reaction of the passing shoppers. I was waiting them to do a double take when I walked by. But no one seemed to notice me. This was very liberating and I felt as if I had been reborn.

Through the years, I've learned to laugh about my ailments or inadequacies. But I have to admit, I'm sure glad that my ears aren't one of them anymore.....

kw

City on Fire - The Mistrial

Well, in day number three of jury deliberations in the trial of Officer William Porter, the "decision" finally came in the form of a mistrial. As nightfall approaches, the news of the hung jury is still making it's way around the city. And the crowds are starting to grow.....

Earlier today, the jurors asked the judge for the witness transcripts to help them come to a decision. However, the judge denied their request because the transcripts were never entered into evidence. I don't quite understand this....

So, now that a mistrial has been declared, what's next? This will result in one of two things. Number one, a new trial will be scheduled at a later date with a new jury. Or number two, the prosecution could decide to not pursue the case any further, thus dropping the charges against Porter. (Don't hold your breath for number two.)

So, before anyone heads out to loot a 7-11, please understand that this does not mean that Officer Porter is off the hook. In all likelihood, a new trial will be scheduled sometime next year. Not an ideal outcome for the anti-cop protesters, but this is how the judicial system works. That's what you asked for back in April, right?

Another thing to consider is that Officer Porter was supposed to be a material witness in the upcoming trial of Officer Caesar Goodson, the van driver. What effect will Porter's mistrial have on Goodson's upcoming trial next month? It would be kind of crazy for Porter to take the stand and risk self-incrimination. Keep in mind that Officer Goodson is facing the most serious charge (depraved heart murder) in the death of Freddie Gray. If Porter decides to not testify, it will probably benefit Goodson.

With the looming potential for "unrest" tonight, community leaders and members of the clergy have urged for calm in the aftermath of the decision. "Giving peace a chance" sure sounds good. But in reality, Baltimore is still smoldering on the embers left behind by last April's riots. Fortunately, someone had the good sense to put extra reinforcements in place. Yesterday, there was a gathering of police officers from surrounding counties at Druid Hill Park. The park is near Mondawmin Mall, which is where city cops were forced to take a barrage of bricks and other projectiles from a bunch of "disenfranchised youth" back in April. Don't expect the cops to put up with that kind of bullshit this time.

Amazingly, there were some rumblings about having too many cops out there. I heard a few people say that it made them feel "unsafe" and like "something was about to happen". I have a hard time comprehending this delusional mindset. Let me break it down in a language that they can hopefully understand.....There is a good chance that something will happen and you will be unsafe. But it's not the police officers that you'll need to be worried about. Instead, it will be the lawless thugs that you continue to protect. So, the next time time that you're in a bad spot and need help, why don't you try to calling a thug and letting us all know how that works out for you? If you think that the cops are the biggest threat to public safety in Baltimore City, you're a freggin' idiot.

With that being said, let's hope that, somehow, order can be maintained throughout the next few days in and around Baltimore. It's fairly calm right now but it only takes a few knuckleheads to jump start things. The mayor has said that "we are prepared to respond". I just hope that the response doesn't include any "room to destroy" this time......

To be continued........


kw

Stripping Byrd From The Stadium

On today's episode of "That's Offensive!", we go to the University of Maryland in College Park, MD. The subject of today's discussion is the the university's football venue. Until today, it has been know as Byrd Stadium. However it's now slated to be renamed because it's namesake is "racist".

I have to admit, although I've been to Byrd Stadium a few times, I never really know anything about Mr. Byrd. After a quick Google search, I learned that Harry "Curley" Byrd was the former university president (1936-1954). Earlier in his career, Byrd also served as Maryland's football and baseball coach as well as it's athletic director. Byrd was considered the father of the University of MD during his 43-year career there.

After his time at the university, Byrd entered politics and ran for Governor of Maryland in 1954. Although he won the Democratic primary, he was eventually defeated by Republican Theodore McKeldin in the general election.

So far, it sounds like Byrd was a pretty active guy and an integral part of the University of Maryland. It seems fitting that the campus stadium might be named after him. So, what's the big deal?

Well, it turns out that Byrd was a segregationist. A-ha! He believed that blacks and whites should be "separate but equal" (Did I mention that Harry Byrd was a Democrat?). So, fifty-some years later, someone got a wild hair up their ass and decided that the name "Byrd" is offensive and it must be taken off the football stadium.

By the way, why isn't there a call to remove "Byrd" from things in West Virginia. After all, Robert Byrd was a former leader of the Ku Klux Klan. But half the state is still named after him. (Oh yeah, Robert Byrd was a Democrat too. Are you starting to see a pattern here?)

And along the same lines, Malcolm X was a bit of a segregationist too. But I don't see anyone protesting to have his name removed from boulevards in New York or DC..

Anyway, student protesters at Maryland put pressure on the university's president to remove Byrd's name from the stadium. UM president Wallace Loh then recommended that the board of regents strip the name and move it to a more "appropriate" place like the school library. The board met today and decided to go the politically correct route (surprise, surprise) and  transfer Byrd from the stadium to a small exhibit in the school library.

Will history continue to be raked over with a fine tooth comb in search of new offensive things? Were Harry Byrd's views on segregation extreme? By today's standards, absolutely. But are we to overlook someone's lifetime accomplishments because of what modern society thinks of their views from 60 years ago? Whether it's right or wrong, we can't simply erase history by banning flags or renaming football stadiums.

The next thing will be to remove Washington and Jefferson from US currency. That's right, you heard it here first.....

kw

Trump Kicks the Hornet's Nest (Again)

Donald Trump is no stranger to controversial statements. He's never been afraid to speak his mind and this has been especially true during his 2016 presidential campaign. To be expected, Democrats have used Trump's comments to paint him as a bigot, racist, sexist, etc. But the most recent statement by the GOP's leading candidate even has fellow Republicans ducking to take cover.

Yesterday, Trump called for a ban on all Muslims entering the United States until our representatives can figure out what's going on. The comments were fueled by the recent terrorist attack in San Bernadino along with the pressure to bring Syrian refugees into the US. Regardless of his rationale, Trump has really stirred up a shit storm with this one.

While many Republicans have voiced support for an expanded vetting process for any immigrants, many of them now are distancing themselves from Trump's latest idea. House Speaker Paul Ryan pointed out that "freedom of religion is a fundamental constitutional principal". He also said that "this is not what this party stands for and more importantly, it's not what this country stands for". Jeb Bush described Trump as "unhinged". And even former VP Dick Cheney chimed in by saying that it "goes against everything we stand for and believe in."

During yesterday's White House press briefing, press secretary Josh Earnest said that Trump's latest comments "disqualify" him from serving as President. (I find this kind of funny since many Republicans have said that same thing about Obama)

One of the more surprising criticisms of Trump came from French prime minister, Manuel Valls, who tweeted, "Mr. Trump, like others, stokes hatred. Our only enemy is radical Islam." Keep in mind, 130 people were recently killed in Paris during a terrorist attack by radical Muslims.

And in a bit of twisted irony, over 100,000 people in the United Kingdom have a signed a petition to keep Trump out of their country. The British parliament will now have to consider it for debate. Can you imagine an American presidential candidate being barred from Britain?

In any event, Republican hopefuls are now being pressured to turn their back on Trump if he should ultimately become the nominee. While it makes political sense to distance themselves right now, it would present an interesting scenario down the road....a Republican nominee that none of the other Republican leaders support. Don't hold your breath on that one.

So, here's the big question....Is Trump's latest remark going to derail his presidential campaign? It really doesn't appear so. Trump still has a double-digit lead over second-place Ted Cruz in the most recent polls. And more specific to the topic at hand, a current Bloomberg poll shows that roughly two-thirds of Republican voters support Trump's proposal.

So, while the Republican candidates search for ways to strategically distance themselves from Trump, they've got to be very careful. Trump has made rumblings about running as a third party candidate if he is somehow forced out of the Republican race. If this were to happen, it would all but guarantee Hillary the presidency. So, essentially, Trump has morphed himself into a double-edged sword. Maybe, he's not such a political novice after all.....


kw

The San Bernardino Shooting

So, this past week we had yet another senseless mass killing. This time, the nonsense returned to the U.S. where 14 people were massacred at a center that works with the developmentally disabled in San Bernardino, CA. In addition to the fatalities, there were also more than 20 people who were wounded at the Christmas party which was being held at the center.

Upon the initial news break on Wednesday afternoon, there was immediate speculation on who might be behind the attack. Since no one really had a good description of the suspects yet, the "crazy white guy" was the only politically-correct speculation. Keeping things offensive-friendly, talk of terrorism was gingerly eluded.

Things progressed to the point where the shooters were caught and ultimately given a dose of their own medicine in the the form of a barrage of gunfire from police. It turned out that the two shooters were husband and wife. The husband happened to work at the center where the shooting took place. This prompted the predictable label of "work place violence" by another gun nut. President Obama even used his first press conference to push his gun control agenda. Why would he ever let a tragedy go to waste?

But as more information came in, we learned that the couple was Muslim. Hmm....an Islamic husband and wife shooting up a Christmas party. What could possibly be suspicious here? But the main media outlets still tap danced around the facts. Until, it was discovered that the wife had ties to ISIS. She had recently pledged her allegiance to the leader of ISIS in a Facebook post. Well, slap my ass and call me Spanky!

President Obama has somewhat acknowledged that terrorism could now be involved. But he points out that the shooters could have had "mixed motives" (Islamic radicalism and workplace grievances). Do you ever feel like he's pissing on your leg and telling you it's raining?

There is now a push by some lawmakers to pass even stricter gun control laws. How much stricter can they get in California? And at what point will these fools comprehend that gun laws will NOT prevent this type of nonsense. In fact, if there were MORE guns, maybe LESS of this bullshit would happen. Why do you think that these things continue to happen in gun-free zones? If just one good guy had a gun in these situations, perhaps he could stop the bad guy before he kills half the crowd. At least he'd have a fighting chance! But maybe I'm just delusional....

Another thing that's quite concerning is that the female shooter passed criminal and national security background checks in route to getting her "fiance visa" and green card. And we still want to let countless Syrian refugees into our country?

I also caught some social media posts that pointed out how Americans were very supportive of France a few weeks ago. But many of those same people don't seem to have a lot to say about things that happen on US soil. There's certainly some validity in that observation, but I'm not sure what to make of it. Me personally? I'm sympathetic to anyone who's an innocent victim of terrorism.

The big question is...How do prevent this type of thing from happening? I'm not sure anyone has the answer. But I'm pretty sure that political correctness and cavalier immigration policies certainly aren't going to help keep us safe....


kw