My Favorite Album By........

I was sitting around with the boys on Christmas evening having a cigar and listening to some good ol' holiday music. Well, actually it was 80's rock. But since it was Christmas, I guess that would technically make it holiday music, right?

We eventually migrated the subject of our favorite albums by our favorite classic rocks bands. There were so many to choose from, so it was really tough to narrow it down to just one album. Below are most of the bands that grew up listening to (and still do!).  You've probably heard of most of them. Anyway,  here's how my favorite albums stacked up:

• Van Halen - Van Halen II
• Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin IV
• AD/DC - Highway To Hell
• Judas Priest - Unleashed in the East 
• Kiss - The first album (self-titled)
• Aerosmith - Rocks
• Iron Maiden - The Number of the Beast
• Black Sabbath - Heaven and Hell
• Guns & Roses - Appetite For Destruction
• Ozzy Osbourne - Diary of a Madman
• Rolling Stones - Let It Bleed
• The Who - Who's Next
• Jimi Hendrix - Are You Experienced
• Scorpions - Lovedrive
• Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon
• Rush - 2112
• The Beatles - The White Album
• Def Leppard - High & Dry
• Foreigner - The first album (self-titled)
• Styx - The Grand Illusion
• Deep Purple - Machine Head
• The Doors - L.A. Woman
• Queen - News of the World
• Queensryche - Operation Mindcrime
• Eric Clapton - Journeyman
• Billy Joel - Stormfront
• UFO - Lights Out
• Y&T - Mean Streak
• Blackfoot - Strikes
• Ted Nugent - The first album (self-titled)
• Steve Miller Band - Fly Like an Eagle
• Peter Frampton - Frampton Comes Alive
• Triumph - Allied Forces
• Alcatrazz - Disturbing The Peace
• Rainbow - Long Live Rock and Roll

That's all I can come up with now but I'll probably add to this list later as the light bulbs go off in my head....

kw

Bull in the China Shop

I've always been a bit clumsy and cumbersome. You would think that these characteristics would eventually work themselves out, but that's not the case with me. So, I've learned to accept that I am indeed, the proverbial "bull in the China shop".

Just yesterday, I was walking through the fragrance department in Macy's. My mom had mentioned that she liked a particular perfume, so I figured it would pick her up a bottle for Christmas. All I could remember was that it had "juicy" in the name. So, anyway, I head into the perfume section and scan the shelves for something that looks or sounds "juicy".

As I'm walking around the display case, I must have brushed up against one of the boxes setting on one of the tables in the middle of the aisle. Well, the next thing I hear is a bottle breaking on the floor. I'm not sure which brand of of perfume it was, but it definitely looked juicy as it rapidly spread across the floor. The intense smell of the fragrance immediately made it's way into the nostrils of every shopper within a 100 feet. Meanwhile, I'm just standing there like an idiot. When a Macy's employee finally came over, I didn't know what to say. So, I just blurted out, "Wow, did I do that?"

She let me off the hook by saying, "No, you're good. I think the box was too close to the edge of the table. Let me get this cleaned up." As the Macy's employee begins to leave the crime scene, a shopper asks her, "That smells really good. What is that?" I felt a little relieved, figuring that I may have unconventionally drummed up a sale. Yes, this is how my warped mind operates.....

A few months ago, I had a similar experience, of all places, in a liquor store. We were going over Tina's uncle's house for a crab feast. I knew he was a Scotch drinker, so I wanted to to take him a bottle of Scotch as a token of appreciation. So, I head down to the liquor superstore. I walked down the crowded aisle and approached the Scotch shelves. Now, I really don't know a whole lot about Scotch, but I can read. This particular liquor store is really nice because they attach labels to the shelves which describe and rate the various items.

So, after a fair amount of reading, I narrow my choices down to a few bottles. I pick up one of them which happens to be encased in a cardboard tube. I read the notes on the back of the tube and then give me attention back to the remaining choices on the shelf. As I'm focusing on on of the other bottles, I'm still holding the bottle in the cardboard tube. Well, at some point, I guess I tilted the tube which caused the enclosed bottle to slide a few inches. This was apparently enough momentum to allow the bottle to come crashing through the top of the tube. It happened so fast, the poor bottle never had a chance. As the bottle made it's descent, the only thing to break it's fall was the hard floor below. And break it did.....

I guess a shattered bottle of Scotch has a higher amplification level because people from all over the store immediately began to poke their heads into the aisle to see what happened. Making matters worse, they were all kinds of remarks from the peanut gallery like "What a great smell!", "I'll have what he's having!" and "No sense of crying over spilled Scotch!" I felt like Ralphie in "A Christmas Story" where the mall Santa and elves are pointing at him and telling him that he's going to shoot his eye out with the BB gun.

You would think that I would have a smoother reaction by now. But again, I just stood there like a knucklehead and said, "Wow. I can't believe that I dropped that."

I was fully prepared to pay for the bottle of Scotch which cost about $50. When a store employee came over, I told her to put the bottle on my tab and I would cover it. But she told me not to worry about it. She said that it happens quite a bit. From what I understand, liquor stores get a credit for broken bottles as long as the top is still sealed. This made me feel a little better.....

All of this reminds me of an old Rodney Dangerfield joke:

"It's been rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom!"

No doubt, I've got to learn to be a little more careful.....

kw

Where Are The Protests Now?

The war on cops took a tragic turn last night when two officers from the NYPD were gunned down while sitting in their cruiser. The shooter, 28-year old Ismaaiyl Brinsley, had written on an Instagram account that he was "putting wings on pigs today" shortly before the ambush. The two cops, Rafael Ramos and Wemjian Lui, never had a chance as they were shot execution style.

So, let me ask the anti-police protesters a question....Are you guys happy now? Are you guys going to block traffic and stage "die-ins" for the two slain cops who didn't nothing wrong except show up for work yesterday?

You guys keep telling us that "black lives matter". Well, do cop's lives matter too? These guys put their lives on the line every day and go into hostile environments to try to keep us safe. Any day that these guys leave their families, there is no guarantee that they'll be reunited. And what thanks do they get? A smear campaign that labels them as racist, trigger-happy goons. 

The two cops in this case happened to be of Hispanic and Asian descent. The shooter happened to be black. Hmm, could it have possibly been racially motivated. If the tables were turned, I have a feeling it would be. But since this one doesn't fit the "white cop shoots unarmed black man" narrative, we're just going to ignore it and move along.....

After shooting the two cops, the suspect ran into a subway station where he shot himself. Shortly before killing himself, he sent a picture of the handgun to his Instagram account. From what I've read, the photo had several hundred "likes". What kind of sick bastard could "like" a gun that was just used to execute two police officers?

When New York mayor, Bill de Blasio, went to the hospital after the shooting, officers of the NYPD turned their backs on him. He has clearly lost control. And perhaps more damaging, he's lost the respect from the NYPD.

Here's the ironic thing. These protesters, mostly from the left, are always preaching that we shouldn't stereotype. However, they themselves have perpetrated a general anti-cop rhetoric which culminated in the deaths of two innocent officers last night. Not only is it hypocritical, it's also irresponsible. Does it satisfy you to know that two cops are now off the street......forever?

In an unrelated but somewhat similar incident, a Baltimore City cop was shot earlier this week during a traffic stop. Thankfully, the cop survived, Of course, there was no noise from the protesters. I have to wonder what would have happened if the cop would have returned fire and killed the shooter. I'll bet that would have woken up the protesters.

Attorney General, Eric Holder, has also had a large hand in keeping the anti-cop rhetoric alive. In both, the Michael Brown and Eric Garner shootings, Holder refused to accept the Grand Jury's decision to not indict the officers involved. He fueled the protests by pledging the "justice would ultimately be served". To the anti-cop crowd, this insinuated only one acceptable outcome.

Mayor De Blasio recently threw his own cops under the bus by announcing to the press that he had told his son that he should be careful around the NYPD because of the way they treat young, black males. This, obviously, gave fire to the anti-cop movement. How would you like to be a cop and have to work for this guy?

As I've mentioned before, like any occupation, there are assholes who also wear the badge. But is it fair to categorize all cops for the misconduct of a few? If you think that is, maybe you should try calling a protester the next time you have have an emergency. Let me know how that works out for you....

My heart goes out to the families of Officers Rafael Ramos and Wenijan Lui. 

kw

Going to the Dentist - The Early Years

I first wrote about my experiences with the dentist several years ago (A Visit With The Dentist*). In this follow-up piece, I'd like to take you back to the time where it all started....

Growing up, my parents didn't have a whole lot of money. So, instead of going to a traditional dentist like most of my friends, I would often find myself at the community dental clinic (kinda of the same way they used to send me to the Barber School for a haircut). The random screams that I would occasionally hear coming from "the chair" terrorized me as I sat quietly in the waiting room. A couple of times, I almost bolted towards the exit door. I would try to distract myself by trying to read about the latest celebrity happenings via the assorted People magazines. But it was a futile effort.....

Eventually, the dental assistant would call my name across the crowded room. And then, the fun would begin. I would nervously follow her back into the torture chamber. I viewed this as a sadistic payback for all of those Tasty-Klairs and Reese Cups that I routinely consumed. As if being robustly husky wasn't enough! Anyway, once I was seated, I was be outfitted with one of those paper dental bibs. I appreciated this because I really didn't want to get any blood on my Led Zeppelin shirt.

A short time later, the dentist-du-jour would come in and greet me. He was usually very upbeat. This is probably because I would be the one on the receiving end of the punishment. He would start off the pain session by poking around the the inside of my mouth with a sharp, pointed piece of steel. Inevitably, he would find a cavity in one of my teeth. We both knew when he found it because I would nearly jump out of the chair as soon as he touched it. He would then try to lighten up the mood by giving me some uplifting words of encouragement like, "Ah, ha! I think someone's getting a filling today!"

Today, the numbing process is pretty much standard prior to any any dental procedure.  But back then, there was a time or two that we just bypassed the Novocain and reached right for the drill. I often wondered if my friends with the good dental plans had to endure this enhanced-agony option. The dentist would usually try to sugarcoat things by saying, "Oh, this is just a small cavity. No need to numb you up today." Yeah, easy for him to say!

Now, to be fair, there were times when I would get the juice. But this also brought another set of problems.The sight of the government-subsidized dentist coming at me with this long needle was almost too much to absorb. It looked like something you might use to inject cortisone into a racehorse. Sometimes, the needle was worse than the actual dental work. He would stab this thing into my gums like he was auditioning for the lead role in Psycho. The good news is that after this assault, my mouth would go comfortably numb. This was especially beneficial when the drill would occasionally miss a tooth and plunge into a fleshy part of my mouth. Between the needle and the drill, my poor mouth didn't stand a chance,

Throughout my youth, I went through this routine time and time again. By the time I was fourteen, I had been drilled more times than Jenna Jamison. It was quite ridiculous. While my friends would go for a check-up every six months, it seemed like I was getting a filling every few weeks. I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, huh? The jury's still out on that. But one thing's for sure...I still dread that trip to the dentist's office.......

kw

* http://kensmouthpiece.blogspot.com/2010/04/visit-with-dentist.html

The Paper Route - A Defunct Youth Passage

Delivering newspapers used to be a rite of passage for neighborhood youths. Growing up, almost all my friends had a paper route at some stage of their young lives. Earning our own "paycheck" gave us a sense of pride and introduced us to the "workforce". It also taught us a bit about responsibility. After all, we had people who looked forward to reading their daily newspapers and it was our job to deliver the goods.

Back in the day, Baltimore had two rival newspapers, The Sun and The News American. Additionally, at the time, The Sun had both, a morning and a evening edition. The three combined editions of the two newspapers presented plenty of opportunities for kids to land their own paper route.

Personally, I delivered the The Evening Sun. After getting home from school each day, the first thing that I did (after woofing down a Tasty-Klair, of course) was to prepare my 40 or so newspapers. They were dropped off earlier in the day and bundled up and waiting for me on my doorstep. I would have to fold them up and put rubber bands around them. After they were all folded, they would go into my canvas Baltimore Sun bag. I always thought it was crazy that I had to buy this bag. You would have thought that the newspaper company would throw a kid a bone or in this case, a free carrying bag. They also charged us for rubber bands and plastic bags.

Loaded up with newspapers, I would throw the canvas strap around my shoulder and jump onto my bike. I would peddle down the neighborhood street tossing a banded edition of The Sun onto the doorstep of each of my customers. As crazy as it sounds, it was quite satisfying and gave a me a feeling of accomplishment.

Probably the worst part of the job came on Sunday mornings. I would have to get up at 5:30 am to prepare the Sunday editions of The Sun. Each newspaper weighed about ten pounds due to all of the sales circulars that were stuffed inside. My cargo was much too heavy for my carry-bag, so I had to incorporate the use of a shopping cart. I can remember some mornings, pushing this shopping cart around in the pouring rain. It was miserable but I had a job to do.

At the end of the month, I would have to go around the neighborhood and collect money from my customers. The good news was that I often received tips. For a 13-year-old back in the 70's, a dollar was a respectable amount of money. By the time I finished collecting, I might have $200 or more in my pocket. Now, keep in mind, it was a different time back then. We didn't really have to worry about getting robbed. We pretty much knew all of the kids in the neighborhood, so if someone decoded to jack any us us up, it wouldn't take long to figure out who did it. Plus, even at those early ages, we all had a degree of respect for one another. Today, that seems to be lost among most youngsters...

When my "boss" eventually came around to pick up my collections, I was usually left with about $50-60. This was for a whole month of delivery newspapers. No, it certainly doesn't sound like much money today but like I said, it was a different time back then. A kid could do quite a bit with fifty bucks.

Now, my paper route days came to an abrupt close when, one particular month, several of my customers moved out without paying me. Unexpectedly, the bossman told me that this money would be deducted from my "paycheck". I explained to him that it wasn't my fault that these people moved out. It didn't matter, they were still taking it out of my check, he told me. It was at this time, that I told him that I was quitting. I may have been 13-years-old but I certainly was a complete idiot. I wasn't going to work for free, especially for a rag like The Baltimore Sun (I just had to work that dig in there.)

......................................................................................................................

Today, kids no longer deliver newspapers. For all of my adult life, my newspaper has been delivered by another adult. There are plenty of excuses why kids don't perform this task anymore. Some would say that it's too dangerous. I guess there's some truth to that. But, in reality, I don't see many 13-year-olds today wanting to earn their own money. Why would they want to work for $25 a week when they can get it for free from Mom & Dad. Plus, delivering newspapers would require sacrificing valuable time away from the X-box.

When I had my paper route, I got to know most of my customers, who were also my neighbors. I enjoyed the trivial banter with these folks. Not only did I learn things, but it also ingrained a sense of community for me. Since I've been a homeowner (and newspaper customer), I have never even met my mail "person". I have seen the various paper carriers from time to time. It's usually a middle aged person in an old station wagon who has no time nor interest in trivial banter. My newspaper is tossed out of the window and left abandoned at the far end of my driveway. And when it rains, I can almost guarantee that I'll retrieve a soppy wet, unreadable edition of the MD Gazette. That would have never happened back in the day. Even as young teens, we knew that a wet newspaper was totally unacceptable. Yep, things were sure different back then..........

kw

Police Departments - A Look Into The Future

The year is 2020.......

Life in America's cities has changed dramatically since the riots of '15. The "Hands Up, Don't Shoot" movement from a few years ago set the stage for serious innovations in law enforcement. Although a valiant effort was made by the opposing "Pants Up, Don't Loot" movement, they really didn't have a chance in stopping the revolution.

The first major change came in 2016. Due to immense public pressure to combat police related shootings, a decision was made to disarm all police departments. In physical confrontations, police would now be limited to the use of their nightsticks for self-defense. However, although police officers would be allowed to draw their nightsticks, they were not permitted to use them. The billy-club was, more or less, a prop to give the street cop a false sense of security. The good ol' days the "wood shampoo" was reduced to a distant memory.

Additionally, as a result of the Sharpton Intimidation Training initiative of 2017 (also know as the Sh.I.T. initiative), police uniforms were mandated to be more "friendly" looking. Traditional dark colors such as black and navy blue were no longer permitted. Instead, police would now be given a choice of fuchsia, turquoise or the aesthetically-pleasing daffodil yellow. Hats were replaced with berets to make cops look more "French-like". Also, footwear was limited to flip-flops and Docksiders.

Police vehicles underwent a series of innovations as well. Police cars would now be painted bright, neon colors in an effort to give suspects a fair warning. Cops are also required to give advance notice prior to interrupting any type of criminal activity. Should the cop encounter a crime in progress, he/she is now required to count to 10 (using the 1-Mississippi, 2-Mississippi method) to give the suspect a running start. And should the cop eventually catch the suspect, the cop is permitted to use only one hand. In an attempt to give cops a reasonable advantage, they will have the choice of using the hand of their choice.

Now, if things happen to escalate, this presents a dilemma for the police officer. Should the suspect strike the officer, the recommended defense is for the officer to "turtle up" to prevent bodily harm to himself. However, under extreme and unimaginable circumstances, when all other defense mechanisms have failed, the officer is allowed to use one hand to strike back at the suspect. However, it can not be reiterated enough, that one hand must remain behind the officers back at all times to ensure that the suspect does feel intimidated.

These changes predictably brought enhancements in which the way police socially interact with potential suspects. For example, if a street cop suspects a drug transaction, he is perfectly within his rights to engage in dialogue with the suspect. However, the police officer must always address the suspect as "sir". If at any point, the suspect feels disrespected, he is free to disengage from the conversation. The cop, at this time, must retreat. Any further action on the police officer's part can result in civil charges against the department.

Along these same line, police officers must refrain from raising their voices in a suspects presence. Yelling will not, in any way, tolerated under the Sh.I.T. initiative. It scares the criminals, it's that simple. Any infractions will be met with swift disciplinary action on the officer.

......................................................................................................................

The result of these sweeping changes demoralized police departments all over America. The media succeeded in painting them as trigger-happy racists who wake up each morning with the goal of killing someone, preferably of color.. Once highly respected, police officers were now vilified. Cops, who had already been putting their lives on the line for decades, now became sitting ducks for violent street criminals. As police were rendered virtually helpless, the criminal element thrived and transformed communities into lawless wastelands. Ironically, there were no protests nor media backlash against this new wave of senseless violence. With little hope, law abiding citizens fled the cities in a mass exodus. The point of no return was now a sad reality.....

kw

The Angry Driver Behind Me

Last Saturday, I'm driving down route 301. I'm listening to some nice Christmas music in an attempt to induce myself into a tranquil state of mellowness. Well, I happen to look into my rear view mirror and notice that the driver behind me is going absolutely ape-shit! I instinctively look down at my speedometer and confirm that I'm going reasonably fast enough to discredit this guy's outburst. So, I just shrug my shoulders and go back to listening to Bing Crosby and David Bowie's kick-ass version of "The Little Drummer Boy".

After another minute or so, I glance back into my mirror. The guy's outburst has progressed into a full-out meltdown. His arms are flailing to and fro. And although we're in separate vehicles with the windows closed, I can clearly read the F-bombs spewing from his lips. Sitting in the passenger's seat, his wife appears stoic. I have a feeling that she's all too familiar with her husband's episodes of road rage.

Now, normally, I would just switch lanes and let the moron pass me. However, there was a congested line of traffic on all sides of me and there was nowhere to go. So, we were stuck with each other for while.

I ignored him for another minute or two. And then, like the hypothetical train wreck, I felt the need to look once again. The guy was still yelling. But this time, he pushed the envelope by pointing directly at me. Now, not only was it was personal, it was officially on! I felt compelled to respond.

So, I introduced myself by flipping him the bird. I know, not the most mature thing to do. But what can I say except the guy took me down to his level. Anyway, he recognized my "greeting" immediately and this caused him to go even more ballistic. He turned to his wife to let her know what I had done. And miraculously, the wife somehow came to life! Her "deer in the headlights" appearance instantly transitioned into an all-out outburst. I couldn't help but giggle. I had no idea that I was capable up getting this much emotion out of another human being. Of all the cars traveling on route 301 this afternoon, these two ass-clowns wound up behind me. I felt truly blessed!

I actually slowed up a little so I could "get a better seat for the show". As luck would have it. we eventually hit a red light. Jackpot! As the two continued to spew profanity at me, I turned around and gave them the "keep on yapping" sign by rapidly touching my thumb to my fingers. This pissed them off even more. I was actually laughing now! To enhance the mood, I popped my Pretty Reckless CD into my car stereo. The thumping bass line to "Follow Me Down To The River" seemed to be in perfect rhythm with the couple's tirade. I would have loved to have been able to hear what they were saying about me.

I'm not sure if the song had anything to do with it, but I actually started to feel guilty. Here I was, having a blast, while the two people behind me were on the verge of blowing out an artery.

As the light turned green, I finally saw an opportunity to switch lanes. I had drank a large bottle of water about 30 minutes earlier and I was getting dangerously close to pissing myself from laughing so hard. As much fun as I was having, it was time to end this. As I switched into the other lane, the guy gunned his engine and blew past me. I waved goodbye as he and his wife passed me. And yes, they were still cursing at me.

As crazy as it sounds, I'm really going to miss them.......

kw

A Thanksgiving Story - 2014

First off, I'd like to wish all of my family and friends a very Happy Thanksgiving. I am very grateful and perhaps more appropriately for this day, thankful, for having all of you in my life.

With that being said, I feel compelled to touch base on all of the Black "Friday" nonsense that has somehow infringed on our traditional family holiday. I had a couple hours to kill  in Annapolis yesterday, so I decided to venture over to the mall for lunch. After finishing my overpriced plate of Chinese food, I decided to walk over to Macy's. Since my waistline is expanding faster than the speed of sound, I figured I'd better by a couple of "new and improved" (aka larger) pairs of pants. So, as I'm paying for my new Dockers',  made small talk with the cashier. She appeared to be in her early 60's.

The store had a smaller crowd than I expected, so I said, "I guess this is kind of like the calm before storm. This place will probably be a mad house on Friday, huh?"

The cashier forced a smile and replied, "Oh, it won't take that long. It's going to be crazy in here tomorrow as well. And I'll be in here for all the fun."

I impulsively scratched my head and said, "Wait a minute, tomorrow's Thanksgiving. You mean to tell me you guy's are open?"

She answered, "Yes, indeed. I'll be in this very spot tomorrow afternoon."

I know I should expect this by now, but for some reason it really ticked me off. Instead of spending a day with her family, this woman was going to be standing behind a cash register on Thanksgiving. How long before Macy's starts selling goods directly from the floats in the Thanksgiving Day Parade?

And I know there will be some "essential" people who don't have a lot of sympathy for the lady at Macy's. After all, there is no day off in hospitals, police/fire departments, military, etc. I get that. These are, no doubt, essential jobs and I respect the people who "hold down the fort" on, not on the holidays. but also on everyday in between. However, is it really essential for someone to work on Thanksgiving just so we can get a killer deal on a new coat?

Here are some other retailers who decided to put profits over people by opening on Thanksgiving: Target, Best Buy, J.C. Penney, Kmart, Kohl's, H.H. Gregg, Sears, Sports Authority, Dick's Sporting Goods, Old Navy, Walmart and Radio Shack. Actually, Radio Shack, in a lame attempt to appear sympathetic, decided to close between the hours or noon and 5 pm to allow their employees to spend some time with their families. By the way, does anyone even shop at Radio Shack anymore?

Ok, I've gotten that off my chest. Let's move on......

If you're fortunate enough to have the day off today, please take a moment to think about what's really important. Material things are no match for the people in your life.

And as you prepare to break bread at the dinner table today, please keep those in mind who are working hard to keep the wheels turning. The police departments around the country have been dealing with a lot lately. May they have a safe day. And as always, God bless the troops for all that they do.

Wishing all of you a great day and memorable Thanksgiving.....

kw

A Hot Verdict In Ferguson

Ok, so as everyone knows by now, the verdict is finally in on the Michael Brown shooting and Officer Darren Wilson will not be indicted. I've had a full day to absorb the different opinions surrounding the outcome. So, here is my slightly edited two-cents.....

First off, the protesters demanded and ultimately got a Grand Jury to hear the evidence. After several months of sifting through countless pieces of evidence and testimonies, the Grand Jury did not find enough probable cause to indict Wilson. So, in a more perfect world, this would seem sufficient and everyone would accept the outcome for what it was. But, of course that's not the case here....

From the beginning, the protesters, instigators and race-baiters were not going to accept anything less than an indictment and ultimately a conviction. So, when the word came down about the Grand Jury's decision, the shit really hit the fan. Buildings in Ferguson, Missouri were burned and looted, shots were fired, vehicles were vandalized and people in the streets acted like a pack of uncivilized hoodlums.

And what exactly is any of this supposed to accomplish?

By the way, did you know that the majority of those businesses that these "peaceful protesters" destroyed were minority owned?* What did any of these business owners have to do with the shooting? What sense does it make to destroy their property? People bust their asses for a piece of the American dream just so a bunch of clueless thugs can burn it down in an instant. I'd like to hear what Reverend Al has to say about that.

And speaking of Reverend Al, why is this race-hustling prick even allowed into these situations? This guy couldn't care less about racial harmony in this country. If we fulfilled Rodney King's wish and somehow "all got along", the alleged Reverend would be out of job. He only fans the flames of racism and continues to divide people. He's an total obstacle when it comes to accomplishing anything productive.

Every night, in places like Baltimore and Chicago, young black men are gunned down by other black men. If assholes like Reverend Al really want to make a difference in the black community, this would probably be a good place to start. But, of course, they ignore this and pretend that it's actually the cops who are the real enemies.

This morning, I saw a news interview with the president of the NAACP. He was upset about the "mountains of evidence" that was dumped on the Grand Jury. WTF? So now, there's a such thing as too much evidence? Good to know....

Listening to all of these protesters bitch about the Grand Jury's decision reminds me of watching a football game. Whenever a call doesn't go your team's way, it's a bullshit call and the ref is an idiot. In the Ferguson case, we now hear that the Grand Jury dropped the ball, the justice system failed us and, last but not least, the DA is a dickhead. Of course, if Officer Wilson had been indicted, we would have been hearing about how great the system worked.

By the way, where were all of these protesters after OJ was acquitted? Remember all of the riots, looting and all-out lawlessness after that one? Yeah, me neither.

So now, we're back to the old "No Justice No Peace" mantra which translates into the protesters taking out their frustrations on people that had absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand. I was amazed today when I heard so-called community leaders making excuses for the violence (or "civil unrest" as it's now called). Uh huh, that's right, if things don't go our way, we'll act like a bunch of two-year-olds and break shit. That should really accelerate the healing process......


kw



* http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2014/11/25/Most-Businesses-Destroyed-in-Ferguson-Minority-Owned

The Art Of Looking Busy

I first discovered the art of looking busy when I worked at a manufacturing plant many years ago. My job, at the US Gypsum Corporation, required me to monitor the levels and adjust, if necessary, the ingredients of the newly made Sheetrock. It was a pretty boring job and required very little physical labor. However, when the "bosses" were around, especially on the day shift, you were supposed to "look busy". This was easier said than done because the bulk of my work consisted of taking a sample of the "mix" every 30 minutes and recording the results. This took all of about 2 minutes.

So, when I would see one of the big bosses walking towards me, I would instinctively grab an adjustable wrench off of my desk. With the wrench confidently displayed in my left hand, I would approach the bossman and engage in a trivial conversation. The wrench, acting as my prop, gave the appearance that I had just completed or was about to do some work. Now, I have to admit, I was always a little worried that one the bosses would one day ask, "So Ken, what are you planning to do with that wrench?" I would have probably said something brilliant like, "Wrench? What wrench?" But, fortunately, it never went there.

Yes, it sounds crazy, but as Andre Agassi once said, "Image is everything." I didn't have to be busy nor did I have to actually look busy. I just had to project the impression that I had been or was about to be busy. Are you following me so far?

These "looking busy skills" can also be very useful when dealing with uninvited guests. For instance, every now and then, the doorbell will ring and I'll inevitably be confronted by a salesmen or a Johavah's Witness. If I enter this situation empty-handed, I will likely have to waste an infinite amount of time by having these folks blow smoke up my ass about my drafty windows or the benefits joining of the Kingdom Hall. So, to head this off, I pick up a phone as I'm walking to the door. I open the door and let them commence their sales pitch. After about 15 seconds, I'll pretend to talk into the phone and say, "Yeah, yeah. Hey, wait a minute, I've got someone at my door."

The clueless schmuck at the door will then resume by saying something like, "Sir, I can see you're busy today, so I'll be quick...."

At this point, I'll hold up my index finger and give him the "wait a second" sign. Again, I pretend to talk to someone on the other end of the phone....

 "Ok, look I hear what you're saying but....Can you just wait a minute, I've got someone at the door."

If I'm lucky, I'll shake my uninvited guest on this second pass. But, with some of the more persistent ones, I might have to repeat the previous steps multiple times. On a rare occasion, I might even have to sprinkle some harmless profanity into the mix. No doubt, these simple but highly effective tactics of looking busy always work.

We have all seen the road crews where one guy is working while a dozen co-workers stand around and watch him. However, if one of those coworkers happens to have a shovel in his hand, it changes things quite a bit. He doesn't have to be using the shovel. He just has to be touching it. Even if he's leaning on it, people will be inclined to think that he has been busy at some point.

Politicians often use similar tactics to give the appearance that they're actually useful. For example, let's say that we're dealing with a major snow storm in my home state of Maryland. After the countless people have busted their asses all day, we'll inevitably see Governor Owe'Malley in front of the TV cameras with his sleeves rolled up and tie unbuttoned. This, of course, is to give the appearance that he has been in trenches working hard with the rest of the troops. However, it's more likely that he had his feet kicked up all day in front the fireplace while dreaming a way to tax the snow. But the image is what sells and many unsuspecting people buy it.

You now have the basic knowledge that you need to look busy in various situations. Additionally, as a result of my revelations, you will be more likely to recognize when others are trying to look busy. I'm always happy to help.....

kw

Rip's 50th Birthday Roast

We are gathered here today to celebrate what my humble friend, Rip, used to refer to as “National Greatness Day”. Now, I'm not trying to say that Rip is arrogant or anything, but he also used to refer to himself as "The Ultimate Man". When we used to play softball together, on the back of Rip's jersey, it simply said "The Man". Can you imagine carrying a head that big for 50 years?

I can say these things because I have known Rip longer than most people. I think we first met about 40 years ago. We grew up within a couple of blocks of each other in Brooklyn. We played football together in Garrett Park and baseball against each other at the old 6th Street ball fields. And then we became best friends a few years later when we attended Cardinal Gibbons High School together.

("Yeah, yeah, tell us some stories, Ken!”)

Ok, since you insist…....

Like I mentioned, Rip and I went to high school together where he was somewhat of a legend. For example, I think Rip still holds the all-time record for total days spent in detention by a single student. It was a rare occasion when Rip joined the rest us on the bus stop immediately after school. The reason for all of the detentions could be summed up in two words....his mouth. He would never miss an opportunity to make a wisecrack in the middle of class and this would almost always translate into an extended school day.

Rip's high school fashion statements are also worth mentioning. You see, we went to a private school where we were required to wear ties. Well, Rip, was always trying to push the envelope with this. He would wear a bright plaid shirt and then accent it with a striped tie. Just the sight of it was enough to give you a migraine. But to take it even farther, he would make this huge knot in the tie which caused the tie to only hang down a little past the collar. He would come strutting down the hall in this ridiculous looking combination, saying, "That's right. Uh-huh, I'm the man." The teachers would see him passing by and they would just shake their heads.

("Was Rip very competitive back in the day?")

Yes, yes he was.... 

Rip and I used to play different sports together. And yes, Rip was always very competitive. Losing was never an option for him. Now, that's not to say that he never lost. He did.....quite often. And that's when the fun would start. When things didn't go his way, Rip would often take his frustration out on random objects.

("Can you give us an example?")

Yes, I sure can......

I can remember one night, we were playing softball. I believe that it was at Latrobe Park in South Baltimore. Well, Rip comes up to bat and ultimately winds up striking out. So, feeling the need to take out his frustration on something, he walks up to a nearby electrical panel and punches it. Well, the next thing you know, all the lights go out. Everyone was wondering what happened as they stood on the dark field. I guess Rip figured that if he couldn't see the ball, no else was going to either.

("Ken, are there any other sports stories?")

Yes, there are......thanks for asking.

There was another time when my son, Kenny Jr., was about 10 years old and we were heading out to play a round of miniature golf. Rip happened stop by as we were heading out the door. Going against better judgment, I invited him to join us. As we played the first few holes, Rip was having an off day (which was kind of normal). Anyway, Kenny and I were ridiculing him the whole time which was really starting to get under his skin. Well, after missing shot after shot, Rip eventually reached a boiling point. Extremely frustrated, he swung at the next ball extra hard and finally hit it squarely. The ball left his club at about 150 mph and, as luck would have it, hit a cinder block behind the hole. As if he wasn't having a bad enough day already, the golf ball bounced off of the cinder block and came back and cracked Rip in his bottom lip. But even a high-speed golf ball is no match for Rip's mouth. He kept bitching and complaining but was determined to keep playing. However, the sight of blood squirting from his bottom lip was major distraction. Plus, it was really starting to scare the nearby kids. He eventually wound up having to go to the ER to get it stitched up. So, there you go, the first person ever to wind up in the emergency room after a round of putt-putt golf. 

We also used to play tennis together. Rip would often get frustrated which always had the potential to lead to a John McEnroe-like tirade. On one of these occasions, Rip hurled his tennis racket and it wound up in a nearby tree. As we were standing around looking up at the racket, which was about 30 feet up, people were walking by asking, "How did that get all the way up there?" I would just shake my head.

I understand that Rip has recently graduated from putt-putt golf to grown-up golf. He must be like the Happy Gilmore of Compass Point. I can see all other golfers ducking and running for cover every time Rip takes a swing. I’m told that Rip has the unique ability to transform a golf ball into a scud missile. He’s always bugging me to go golfing with him. But the mere thought of this guy swinging a long metal club scares the hell out of me.

When I heard they were going let Rip carry a gun, I hid under my bed for three days…..

(Hey Ken, is Rip a cop or something?)

Well, that's a tricky question. You see, Rip doesn't like for people to know that he’s a cop. He prefers to keep things "undercover". But it always seems to trickle out somehow. For instance, if a waitress isn't fast enough with Rip's beer, he'll tell her, "Hey, I'm getting thirsty over here. Don't make me get out my nightstick and give you a wood shampoo!"

Gee, I wonder what he does for a living.....

Of course, I'm just having some fun at my friend's expense. The truth of the matter is that Rip is actually a really good guy. But yes, he's very opinionated and can be somewhat abrasive at times. And to people who don't really know him, this can be a bit confusing. So, through the years, I have often found myself defending him. And trust me, it’s not always easy.

("Ken, can you give us an example?")

Of course, I can...

Just the other day, I was having a conversation with a local priest. At some point, Rip's name got brought up. The priest says to me, "But Ken, I hear that this Rip guy is an asshole." So, feeling the need to defend my friend once again, I explain, "Yes, father. But he's a good asshole." No one, not even a priest, is going talk crap about my buddy.

 ("Hey Ken, I hear Rip is quite the karaoke singer!")

That’s putting it mildly.

(“Can you tell us about it?”)

Absolutely….

Several years ago, Rip and I were having a few beers at local bar where it happened to be karaoke night. Well, I thought it would be funny to fill out a slip and put Rip's name on it. I had to make sure it was special song that Rip could really relate to. So, I picked "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy. When the DJ picked up the song slip, a puzzled look instantly appeared on his face. And then, he announced, “OK, this one is going to be good. Please welcome Rip up to the stage." Of course, by this time we were three sheets to the wind, so Rip just shrugs and walks up to meet the DJ who then hands him a microphone. Rip, at this point, still has no idea what song I've picked out for him. When they song titled finally pops up on the karaoke monitor, Rip started to laugh hysterically. I really thought that this was as far as the joke would go. But, Rip being Rip, decided to take it to the next level. As the song began, Rip proudly belted out the lyrics like only he could. About three octaves out of key, he sounded like a wounded wildebeest during mating season. Everyone in the bar eventually stopped what they were doing and gave Rip their full attention. It was perhaps the most compelling performance since The Beatles appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show. My ears were practically bleeding but I couldn’t turn away. It was one of the funniest things that I’ve ever seen. For those three minutes on that karaoke stage, Rip was woman and damned proud of it!

..........................................................................................................................

I tell these stories because, number one, they're funny. And number two, as competitive as Rip can be, he also has a great sense of humor and I knew he wouldn't object to me throwing him under the bus for your entertainment. However, there are many stories that I won't tell you tonight. These are the stories where Rip stepped up, time after time, to do the right thing. As crazy as it might sound, these are the stories that would actually embarrass him. Rip is the type of guy who will do something really nice and then keep quiet about it. If word ever got out that Rip was a nice guy, he would be absolutely devastated. So, since it's his birthday, I won’t embarrass him by exposing all of his good deeds. I will simply say that Rip is a class act.

Rip and I often find ourselves sharing laughs and reliving the old days through our countless memories together.  The bond that we have is something that I will always value. I'll wrap this up by saying that I feel privileged to call Rip a friend. I look forward to many more adventures with him in the upcoming years. However, don’t expect to see me on the golf course with him anytime soon!

I would like everyone to now raise their glasses and toast our friend, Rip....one of the most interesting people that I've ever met.

An Unpleasant Saint

As to be expected, yesterday was loaded with plenty of action around the NFL. However, the story that seems to have gotten the most attention is something that happened in the stands in New Orleans. After Cincinnati Tight End, Jermaine Grenshan, scored a touchdown, he noticed two women (Christa Barrett and her sister, Cara Meadows) in the stands wearing Bengal jerseys. So, he tossed them the football. However, while the ball was in mid-air, a disgruntled Saint's fan, Tony Williams, stepped in front of Barrett and intercepted the toss. Barrett wound up taking an elbow from Williams in the process, but no yellow flags were thrown.

Barrett, understandably shocked at the man's actions,  pleaded with him to give up the ball. But he continued to act like a total dickhead and sat there with his arms tightly wrapped around his stolen property.

Now, I know there will be some football fans that will say, "Hey, they're Bengal's fans in the Saint's 'house'. Screw 'em!"

Really?

I'm not buying it. Apparently, a lot of other Saint's fans weren't either. Many New Orleans' fans in that section of the Superdome began chanting "Give them the ball!" But the guy turned a deaf ear and clenched his hands around the ball even tighter.

It's one thing to cheer and defend your team, but it's another thing to be a total asshole. Why would this guy even want the ball? After all, it was a Bengal who scored the touchdown with it. I wouldn't have even had that big of an issue with him if he would have tossed it back onto the field. Hey, they do it all the time in baseball when an opposing player hits a homerun. No doubt, stealing the woman's footballs and tossing the football back onto field would not be the nicest thing to do. But at least it's understandable it to some degree. People sometimes get caught up in the emotion of the game and do some not-so-nice things. But for this curmudgeon to sit there with his arms wrapped around the ball while the women begged was a pathetic sight.

From what I've read, Williams has had this particular seat near the end zone since the Superdome opened. He also said that he has never gotten a game ball before, so therefore there was no way he was giving it up. He's kidding, right? How old is this guy? He sounds like a spoiled three-year old. The bottom line is that the Cincinnati player clearly wanted the two Bengal fans to have his touchdown ball. After the game, the Cincy Tight End summed up his feelings by saying, "He (Williams) should be ashamed of himself and you can put that on the record."

I would have thought that, at some point, Williams' conscience would have gotten the better of him and he would have just handed the ball over. But that never happened. Instead, a representative from the New Orleans Saints eventually intervened and presented the woman with another game ball. Definitely a classy move by the Saint's organization. Yeah, it's pretty bad when your own team acknowledges that you're an asshole in front of 50,000 fans. I sure hope that football was worth it.

By the way, I find it bit ironic that this guy is a "Saint". According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a saint is defined as a person who is very good, kind or patient. Williams displayed none of the above.

Hopefully, karma will bite him in the ass for being such a classless jerk......

kw

Maryland - A New Sheriff In Town

The dust has finally started to settle on the election results from Tuesday. Democrats are slowly clearing the cobwebs and trying to figure out exactly which elephant ran them over.

Anyway, here are a few of my local observations....

First off, congrats to Larry Hogan on becoming Maryland's next Governor. Hogan, who many people didn't give a snowball's chance in hell, will become only the second Republican to occupy the State House in the last 40 years. His opponent, Anthony Brown, was clearly hobbled by his association with current Governor, Martin Owe'Malley. Maryland residents are fed up with the Owe'Malley/Brown tax hikes over the past several years and they showed it at the polls on Tuesday.

Now, one of the things that I found intriguing about Brown's campaign was that I kept hearing, "Let's make history by electing Maryland's first African-American Governor". I can't help but wonder who in the hell they were referring to? Brown's father was Jamaican and his mother was Swiss. So, how does that make him African-American? Am I missing something here? I think we all know that this was just another attempt by the Dems to use race as a weapon. Apparently, it didn't work this time....

Not surprising, Brown took the majority of the vote in Montgomery and Prince Georges counties, as well as Baltimore City. These heavily Democratic voting areas, are usually all that a Democrat would need to win the overall election in Maryland. But Larry Hogan, with the exception of the big three and St. Mary's County, won every other county in Maryland. In the end, Hogan won by approximately 76,000 votes.

Interestingly enough, the voter turnout was below 40% in Montgomery and P.G. Counties and likewise in Baltimore City (actually, no county was over 50%). So, in effect, Hogan won by default as the majority of the voters sat this one out. I don't understand why people wouldn't exercise their right to vote. But that's another story. Nonetheless, if I were Antony Brown, I would be pissed. He spends endless hours campaigning and people can't get off of their asses to cast a vote? That's got to be beyond frustrating.

With that being said, I breathe a sigh of relief seeing Hogan heading to Annapolis instead Brown. I have nothing person against the man. I just feel like Brown would have essentially been a third term of Owe'Malley and ultimately more tax hikes. By the way, don't you find it ironic that Maryland is called "The Free State"? If it's so free, why does it cost me money every time it rains?

Speaking of Owe'Malley, did you notice how he was visibly absent when his Lieutenant Governor was giving his concession speech? I'll bet that if Brown had been giving a victory speech, Owe'Malley would have been on the stage with his sleeves rolled up and tie undone. It would been such a nice photo-op for his upcoming Presidential run.

Anyway, with Larry Hogan, perhaps Maryland can move into a new direction.....a land where people aren't taxed on the rain and a place where businesses can thrive instead of having their pockets picked by an insatiable tax-and-spend government. When businesses pack up and move out of state, there is no tax revenue. How much sense does that make?

The people spoke. They wanted change. Now, let's see how it works out.........

kw

The Young Man at the Market

Last week, I had some business at a downtown office building in Baltimore. It was located at an intersection near Lexington Market. Although a large sign described the market as being "world famous", I've never met anyone outside of Baltimore who knew about it.

Anyway, as I circled the market in search of a parking place, I nearly ran over no less than 10 pedestrians. The hoards of people scattered around the market seemed to be oblivious to the passing motor vehicles. Although there were designated crosswalks, no one seemed to care. Instead, they preferred to randomly dart into oncoming traffic in the middle of the block.

With my eyes on the road in front of me and scanning the sidewalks with my peripheral vision, I slowly made my way to the market parking lot. As I began to turn into the lot, a young woman walked right in front of my car, causing me to slam on the brakes. Then, while standing directly between my headlights, the woman stopped and gave me an angry stare for a few seconds.

I eventually made it to a vacant parking space on the lot. As I gathered up my things from my car, I could hear loud, animated conversations all around me. The f-bomb was being being dropped as freely as a set of ta-tas at a Mardi Gras parade. Although this is high crime area, I didn't see any police presence, which made me a little nervous. Walking through the area with a laptop bag on my shoulder made me stand out like a sore thumb. So, in an attempt to strengthen my appearance, I put on a pair of shades. In the past, I've been told that I "look like a cop". I was really hoping that this crowd would think the same thing. And then again, this was Baltimore, where cops are not really perceived as "Officer Friendly" these days....

As I began to make my way to my destination, I heard someone call me from behind.

"Excuse me, sir. Did you see this?", asked a young black man as he touched my windshield with his index finger.

The guy, who appeared to be in his early twenties, was dressed in a pair of khakis and polo-type shirt with a company logo embroidered on the left breast. I figured I was either in for some type of sales pitch or a scam attempt.

I turned around and said, "I'm sorry, bud. What are we looking at here?"

He pointed out that I had "ding" in my windshield. He was pretty confident that this ding would eventually spread out and transition into a full crack across the entire windshield. I explained that this thing had been there there for two years and it hadn't spread yet, so I was willing to roll the dice on it. He pressed on a little more. I explained that I really had to get going. I told him that I appreciated his offer but I wasn't planning on having the windshield repaired today.

As I began to walk away, the young man said,"Ok, sir. Have a nice day. And thank you for not being a jerk."

This intrigued me enough to turn around and ask, "I'm sorry, my man. Why would you think I would treat you like a jerk?"

He explained to me that he was just a young man trying to make an honest living in a shitty neighborhood. He then went on to tell me how many windshields he can do on a good day. He told me that most people callously tell him to "F*ck off" when he offers his services. He also told me that the local black men tell him that he's an asshole and wasting his time "working for peanuts". They tell him that he would be better off slinging drugs on one of the corners and that he'll never get out of this shit-hole.

"These guys who are telling you this....They're the real assholes", I told him.

We talked for another ten minutes and I really developed a liking for the young man. I told him to keep working hard and better days would find him. I also told him not let these losers on the drug corners discourage him. I explained to him that his work ethic and likable personality had the potential to open up countless doors. I encouraged him to keep educating himself because that was something that no one could ever take from him. As our conversation progressed, at times, I could almost see the kid's eyes welling up.

When we wrapped things up, the young man shook my hand and said, "Thank you, big brother. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. It really means a lot to me."

As I walked away, I realized that he called me big brother. And that really meant a lot to me.......

kw

Maryland Voting - Fraud or Fiction?

With Maryland's Election Day right around the corner, it's no surprise that we're hearing about voting controversies already. The biggest news this year centers around electronic voting machines where several voters have reported that their Republican votes were being changed to Democrat. We've been told that that this "glitch" is being investigated. Call me skeptical, but when I hear that it's being "investigated", it sounds more like, "Ok, you caught us. Now, we'll fix it."

Although we're in the age of modern technology, I have always been a bit suspicious of electronic voting devices. We regularly hear about cyber-security breaches involving credit cards and identity theft. So, how hard would it be for a high-level hacker to manipulate an electronic voter database? Hanging chads and all, maybe the old traditional paper ballots might be our best bet to keep things on the up and up.

Maryland, who is no stranger to voter fraud allegations, certainly hasn't helped it's reputation. For instance, a recent law that allows illegal immigrants to obtain a Maryland driver's license paves the way for these law-breaking folks to vote. The Maryland Highway Safety Act*, as it's called, is much more likely about securing the Hispanic vote for Democrats than it is about safety. According to a recent study conducted by two Old Dominion University professors, 80% of "non-citizens" vote for Democrats**. So, is there any wonder why Maryland Democrats would feel compelled to cozy up to illegal immigrants (or "new Americans" as Maryland's Governor Martin Owe'Malley likes to call them)?

Although it's a federal crime to vote if you are not legally eligible to do so, I believe that it's also a crime to enter our country illegally. But when does that that ever stop anyone? If our "new American" neighbors want to vote, do you really think that there will be any real effort to stop it?

And here's something that I don't quite understand. Maryland will casually hand over driver's licenses and ID cards to illegal immigrants. However, it doesn't require you to show an ID when you go to the voting booth. We are often told that a Voter ID law would be discriminatory against minorities, especially to those in the lower income group. Really? Unless you're trying to hide something, why would producing a valid ID at the polling place be an issue?

There are also roughly 12,000 dead voters registered to vote in Maryland***. Yes, that's right, dead as in no longer living. I wonder how many of these corpses will make their way to the Maryland polls this year?

While I'm not saying that Democrats are the only culprits when it comes to voter fraud, they certainly seem to have the upper hand in Maryland. In a state where Democrats outnumber Republicans roughly 2-to-1, it would seem that the GOP would actually be more inclined to find a way to get an "unconventional" edge. But dead voters, electronic glitches and illegal immigrants.....yeah, they seem to lean a certain way here.

While voter fraud should not be tolerated under any circumstances, we can expect to hear more allegations as the election draws nearer. In what's shaping up to be an unexpected tight race between Gubernatorial candidates Anthony Brown (D) and Larry Hogan (R), it would be a shame to see this one come down to the wire only to be scrutinized over alleged voter fraud. Hold onto your hats Maryland, we might be in for a wild ride.......

kw

*http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/md-politics/maryland-law-expanding-drivers-licenses-for-illegal-immigrants-takes-effect-on-wednesday/2013/12/31/81cf605c-7245-11e3-8def-a33011492df2_story.html

**http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/monkey-cage/wp/2014/10/24/could-non-citizens-decide-the-november-election/

*** http://townhall.com/tipsheet/heatherginsberg/2014/04/23/cantor-goes-negative-in-ad-against-primary-opponent-n1828238

An Evening With Judas Priest

Last Friday evening, an energized crowd shuffled into the concert pavillion at Pier Six in downtown Baltimore. Consisting largely of middle-aged "metal-heads", the attendees anxiously made their way to their seats. They knew that it was just a matter of time before Judas Priest would be taking the stage and unleashing their rock and roll beast.

When Priest eventually took the stage around 9 pm, the crowd went absolutely nuts. The sight of Rob Halford and the boys taking their familiar positions instantly transported the crowd back to 1983. And although they started with a "non-classic" and lesser-known song off of the new album, the crowd didn't seem to mind at all. But when they followed up with the more widely recognized "Metal Gods" from the British Steel album, a chorus of ear-splitting whistles and cheers filled the pavilion.

Perhaps the most anticipated moment of the evening came a little earlier than expected. There was a brief pause as the band prepared to launch into their fourth song. A moment later, the silence was shattered as the classic dual-guitar intro from "Victim of Changes" echoed across the Inner Harbor. As the band transitioned into the signature power chords of the song, the crowd responded as if it had been hit with a defibrillator. This, of course, paved the way for Halford's powerful vocals. As the Metal God belted out the familiar lyrics, Pier Six was rocking like a hurricane. Seeing Judas Priest perform this song alone was worth the price of admission. The hair on my arms was standing up when they went into the bridge ....

Once she was wonderful
Once she was fine
Once she was beautiful
Once she was mine.......

Wailing like a harmonic banshee, Halford closed down the song like only he could. All I could say was, "Wow!" As I scanned the crowd, everyone else appeared to have the same reaction.

Photo courtesy of John Dixon 

They played a few more songs from the new album and mixed in a few classics. "Beyond The Realms of Death" from the Stained Class album was a pleasant surprise. As they prepared to play the final song of the set, the distinct roar of a Harley Davidson engine blasted through the pavilion. And anyone who's ever been to a Judas Priest show knows what that means. Rob Halford cued up the band by driving his famous motorcycle onto the stage. The twin guitars launched into the beginning riff of "Hell Bent For Leather" and the crowd went crazy. Like the band members themselves, this song never seems to get old.

They followed up with a couple of encores which consisted of "You've Got Another Thing Comin", "Livin' After Midnight" and "Defenders of the Faith".

As satisfied as I was, I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed that they didn't do "Green Manalishi" or "Diamonds and Rust". In my opinion, these are two of the best covers ever. Most Priest fans know that "Diamonds and Rust" is an old Joan Baez folk song. Yeah, I know, hard to believe, right? But many fans might not know that "Green Manalishi" was originally done by Fleetwood Mac. OK, that's enough trivia.

I can remember practically wearing the vinyl off of my "Unleashed In The East" album. To me, it was the ultimate live record and I couldn't get enough of it. I saw Judas Priest several times through the years and they have always delivered the goods. Although the core members (Rob Halford, Glenn Tipton and Ian Hill) are all in their mid-60's now, age doesn't really seem to be slowing them down.

To sum it up, Judas Priest still kicks ass and that's exactly what they did on Friday night. I'm not sure how much longer these guys can do it. But as long as they do, there will be no shortage of fans who want to see them.....

kw

Halloween Costumes - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Every year, as the Halloween parties starting kicking into gear, there will inevitably be a costume or two that will raise eyebrows. For instance, this year, infamous knock-out artist, Ray Rice, is getting even more unflattering exposure as party-goers don his number 27 jersey and drag around a female blow-up doll. Although many people will likely find this humorous, I'm sure there are plenty of others who find nothing funny about trivializing domestic violence.

Another costume that seems to making it's rounds this year is the Haz-Mat suit. Of course, this is in reference to the recent Ebola incidents in the US. It's actually kind of freaky to see people in these yellow suits and big goggles. No matter how you feel about this one, it's got to be uncomfortable walking around all night in the equivalent of a plastic bag.

A couple of years ago, I saw a guy dressed up as a mammogram machine. He walked around all night offering to give free breast exams to any interested woman. It seems like harmless fun with a sexual innuendo. But should this guy have encountered a woman who had battled breast cancer, it sets up a rather uncomfortable situation.

Controversial costumes are really nothing new. I can remember back when I was in high school and we had a dress-up day for Halloween. Keep in mind, that I went to a private high school where we were expected to be on a little better behavior than our our public school counterparts. Anyway, this one guy shows up for dress-up as a Klansman. Yes, that's right, as in the triple-K type. If he was trying to draw attention to himself and that's exactly what he did. The blacks guys were lining up to kick his ass while the white guys were scratching their heads wondering if this guy had completely lost his mind. It didn't take long for the word to make it down to the principals office and our resident Grand Cyclops was whisked away. Today, this kind of incident would have probably gotten the guy expelled and would have surely become, at the very least, a local news story. But was the early 80's, and he was let off with a verbal warning and told to trash the costume.

At a Halloween party a few years ago, I dressed up as a priest and Tina went as a nun. I really wanted to push the envelope with my costume but Tina talked me out of it. So, I behaved and simply went as Father Ken. It was probably best as I didn't really want to piss everyone off and  start a religious war at Le Fountaine Bleu.

Having some fun with our friend, Kathy. It took about 20 tries
to get this photo because we were both laughing so hard.

Attending a Halloween party last night at a local VFW, I didn't see any controversial costumes, but there were a few rather interesting ones. One guy was dressed as Twisty The Clown (from this season's American Horror Story). Not only was the guy's costume spot on, but he stayed in character most of the night. I saw him sneak up on several people throughout the night. When the person eventually turned around, he/she was greeted with this twisted-looking clown staring them in the face. He wound up taking first place in the costume contest and it was well deserved. Tina, who went as the one of the Three Blind Mice, along with Toni and Fran, took second place.

Tina and Twisty The Clown

There was also this guy who dressed up in the classic pink bunny outfit that little Ralphie was forced to wear in A Christmas Story. The guy completed his costume with a large pair of "Ralphie" eyeglasses. Watching this guy bust his moves on the dance floor in the pink bunny outfit was hysterical.

As you can can see, there are many ways you can go with a Halloween costume. Some are funny, some are scary and some can be downright offensive. Decisions, decisions......

kw

The Story That Got Away

Lately, I've been struggling with "writer's fatigue". It's been a real effort to come up with new stories. Over the past few years, I've written over 500 pieces. So, I'm starting to wonder if my "creativity juices" are drying up. With this being said, I'm always trying to find a catalyst for a new tale.

Last night, I find myself at the hotel bar. I consider myself a relatively sociable guy. So, I can usually strike a conversation with almost anyone. Among the guys, the quintessential icebreaker is sports. Preparing to launch, I casually position myself between two guys sitting at the bar. Looking up at the television, which happens to be broadcasting the Jets/Patriots game, I ask, "So, who do you guys like in this one?" And just like that, a conversation was born......

It turns out that one of the guys happens to be a corrections officer. Jackpot! I was really looking forward to "interviewing" him. The potential stories that I could get from this guy were endless!

He was a large black man with a bald head who looked a little like the actor, Michael Clarke Duncan. He was sipping on a glass of Crown Royal. As we exchanged comments about the football game, I signaled for the bartender to get my friend a fresh glass of Canadian Whisky. I figured the looser he got, the more he would share about his jailhouse experiences. Yeah, I know it's a cheap tactic, but like I said, I'm having a hard time coming up with new stories.

Well, just as the conversation starts to transition from football to the big house, the guy on the next bar stool butts in with a political comment. Knowing that my window of opportunity is closing, I intercept the guys comment by saying. "You know what, it really doesn't matter. All politicians suck."

Officer Duncan raises his glass of Crown Royal and says, "I'll drink to that." I instinctively tilt my Dogfish 60-Minute IPA to him and join him in a drink.

Figuring it was now safe to go back to my plan, I start to ask the corrections guy a question. But no sooner the first word comes out of my mouth, the political guy chimes in with, "What's up with this Redskins' name bullshit?"

Really? We're going to talk about the Redskins name controversy now? At this crucial moment?

Normally, I would love to engage in this conversation. But I have another agenda here and this guy is doing everything he can to f*ck it up. He orders another beer and then turns his body towards us. This was a tell-tale sign that he wasn't going away anytime soon. The corrections guy happened to be a Redskins fan, so this added the unwelcomed fuel that I dreaded. From there, things shifted from the Redskins to Ray Rice to Owe'Malley "the asshole". My opportunity was lost. All I could do was accept it and drink my beer.

I'm hoping that the corrections guys are in town for another day. If they are, I promise you, I will be better prepared to fend off any potential story-blockers....

kw

The 2014 Orioles - What A Ride!

The hourglass finally ran out of the Oriole's effort to win it all last night. Although they had an impressive run, they ran into a hot Kansas City team at the the wrong time. And now the Royals move onto to play in the World Series and the O's will be watching with the rest of us.

As a fan, I'm naturally disappointed that the O's didn't advance. I, along with may other O's fans, thought the this was "the year". Displaying an ample supply of exciting plays and dramatic comebacks. the O's almost seemed to be a team of destiny. So, seeing them make it to the ALCS only to get swept in four games by a wild-card team is going to take a little time to absorb.

While I may be disappointed with the ALCS outcome, I am far from disappointed in the team itself. These guys played their asses off all season. They were in almost every game until the very end. The tenacity that the O's showed this year can't be ignored. Bottom line, this is one hell of a baseball team that any city would be proud of.

How many teams could lose three All-Stars and really expect to contend? When Matt Weiters went down, we figured that it would have a big impact. But when Manny Machado went out for the season, many fans said that there was no way we could compete. But somehow the Oriole's kept on truckin' and started to move away from their rivals in the AL East. And then, when we found out the Chris Davis would be suspended for 25 games, right before the playoffs, you could almost see a black cloud appear over Camden Yards. But instead of collapsing, like many people anticipated, the O's actually played harder! They opened up a massive lead in the AL East and then bulldozed through Detroit in the Division Series.

And while its natural to be disappointed that the season is now over, I think it's a bit unfair and disingenuous to bash the O's for their performance against the Royals. Every game was close and we were within one big hit until the final out. In four games, the O's lost by a total of six runs. Kansas City just played a little bit better than Baltimore. It happens sometimes. The Royals played great and deserved to win. What else can you say?

The main wish for O's fans is that they have a team that can contend. After so many legitimate disappointing years, we finally have a team that not only can contend, but can also go deep into the post-season. That's something that we should really appreciate. It's great hearing sports people around the country say, "I think Baltimore has a shot at the World Series."

Since the core group of players will likely be back next season, the Orioles should resume another playoff run in 2015. Although they fell a little short this year, they represented Baltimore proudly all season. My hat is off to the birds for a tremendous effort and countless hours of excitement. See you in April!

kw

O's vs. Royals - Game One Recap

Like many other Oriole fans, I'm waking up a little late this morning. Last night's first game of the American League Championship series ended in Kansas City's favor just before 1 am. Yes, it was a indeed heartbreaking loss after Baltimore clawed their way back from an early 5-1 deficit.

While the game didn't quite work out for Baltimore, I don't think anyone can say that it wasn't exciting. The Royals' big hit came off of a broken bat double by Alex Gordon in the 3rd inning. It was one of those things. O's pitcher, Chris Tillman jammed the Kansas City left fielder with a 93-mph fastball and Gordon somehow fought it off and deposited in a vacant piece of real estate in right field. As luck would have it, the bases were loaded and all three runs scored on the hit.

The Orioles had their big inning in the bottom of the 5th when they put three runs on the board. The most disappointing thing about that inning was, even after scoring the three runs, they still had bases loaded with nobody out. They had an opportunity to break the game wide open. But Kansas City went to the bullpen and was able to escape the inning with no further damage.

However, the following inning, the O's tied the game on an infield pop-up by Alejandro De Aza that somehow dropped in front of the Kansas City shortstop. Displaying some brilliant base-running instincts, Jonathan Schoop managed to score from 3rd base on the play.

The game remained knotted up at 5-5 for the next few innings. In the bottom of the 9th, O's closer, Zach Britton took the mound. He seemed to be having serious issues with his control. It was raining pretty steadily, so maybe this had an impact? Nonetheless, most of his pitches were clearly below the strike zone. At one point, he missed the strike zone with twelve consecutive balls and he wound up walking the bases loaded with no one out. Fortunately, the next batter grounded into a force play for the first out. Fielding the ground ball, O's first baseman, Steve Pearce, made a heads-up play to force the go-ahead run at the plate.

Darren O'Day was brought in to face KC's Billy Butler with the bases still loaded and one out. As the announcers put it, "The Oriole's are going to need to perform a Houdini trick to get out of this one." Well, that's exactly what they did as O'Day got Butler to hit into an inning-ending double-play. This visibly energized the Orioles and O'Day was greeted with a hug from Zach Britton as he came off the field and entered the dugout.

But the celebration was short-lived for the O's as the Royals hit two bombs in the top of the 10th inning to go up 8-5. The O's, never giving up, made a valiant effort to come back in the bottom of 10th. But thier effort fell a little short and the game ended with Kansas City winning 8-6.

Perhaps the most ironic thing about last nights game is that Kansas City, who had the least amount of homeruns in the Major Leagues during the regular season, hit three last night. The Oriole's, who led MLB in homeruns, hit none.

Here's what you have have to remember about this series. Like the Orioles, the Royals are a scrappy team that never gives up. Neither team has been to the World Series in roughly 20 years. Now, that both teams finally have the Promised Land in their sites, they will stop at nothing in their efforts to get there. No matter who you happen to be pulling for, you have to respect the way both teams play the game. You can put up all of the impressive individual stats that you want, but it pales in comparison to a hungry team that believes in itself. For baseball fans, this year's ALCS matchup is about as good as it gets.

With that being said, Buck Showalter will have his guys geared up and ready to go for Game Two. Although it's disappointing to lose Game One on your home field, don't think for a second that O's are going to be discouraged by it. They have played with heart and tenacity all season long. That's what got them this far. Expect to see that same determination throughout the remainder of the post-season.

If last night is any prelude to what the rest of the series is going to be like, we're in for an epic contest between two teams on a mission. Go O's!

kw

Hairy Food

Earlier this week, I'm out with the gang for trivia night at a local bar/restaurant. Meticulously following our protocol, we rush to get our food order in before the Happy Hour cut-off. You see, come 7 pm at this particular Glen Burnie restaurant, the happy hour prices vanish quicker than an IRS hard drive.

Well, my buddy Rip gets his food first. I think he ordered the shrimp tacos. Anyway, after a couple of bites, a look of panic forms on his face as he slowly pushes his plate of food aside. Confused, I give him the "WTF" gesture. He informs us that he just swallowed a long piece of hair. Instantly, everyone at the table let out a harmonious, "Ewwww!"

Now, the only thing worse than finding a hair in your food, is swallowing a piece of hair in your food. And for some reason, it always seems worse when it's someone else's hair. What made this particular situation even worse was that my friend has the same hairstyle as a bowling ball. So, he knew it wasn't his hair that was slowly making it's way down his esophagus.

Moving on......

Several years ago, Tina and I stopped off at an Eastern Shore crab house. We ordered the crab dip as an appetizer. After a couple of bites, Tina looks at me and says, "Ken, please tell me that's not a hair in there."

Looking at the bowl very closely, I saw that it was indeed a hair. So, trying to keep Tina happy by fulfilling her request, I said, "Nope. There's no hair in there."

Of course, there was indeed a hair in there. And right on cue, the waitress comes over and says, "So, how is the crab dip."

I answer, "It's actually not bad, but I think it could use a shave."

She immediately apologized and offered to get us another order. We told her that it wasn't her fault and that we appreciated her offer but we were done with the crab dip for the day. We would just wait for our steamed crabs. Aside from being delicious, an added benefit of steamed crabs is that it's virtually impossible for a hair to find it's way under those shells.

Well, about a year later, we found ourselves back at this same crab house. The previous hair incident was a distant memory, so we decided to try the crab dip again. When we placed our order, we joked with our waitress about our hairy experience from last time. She got a kick of how cavalier we were about it. She said most customers would have absolutely freaked out. As she walked away, she joked, "Ok, let me put your order in. And we'll try to make it without the hair this time."

A short time later, a server brought us our food. Before we even took the first bite, we noticed a long black hair contrasting perfectly against the cream-colored crab dip. I'm not making this up. We couldn't believe it. At first, we thought our waitress might have had a twisted sense of humor and put it there on purpose. We looked toward the kitchen half expecting to see the wait staff giggling while peeking out of the kitchen to see our reaction.

Our waitress eventually came by and asked the familiar question, "So, how is everything?"

Tina cut right to the chase, "You're not going to believe this. There's a hair in there."

The waitress had a genuine look of shock on her face as she said, "Oh my God, are you serious?"

She was probably thinking that we were just trying to get a free meal. But we assured her that it wasn't this case. Our only request was to get an appetizer without hair in it. The first time, although still a little grossed out, our attitude was, "Oh well, sh*t happens." But to have it happen again on our very next visit was a little hard to absorb.

Our waitress assured us that we wouldn't be charged for the hairy crab dip. Wow, really? We didn't make a big deal about it. We just finished our drinks and then headed off to another restaurant where, thankfully, we found some hairless appetizers.

And last year, while dining at a Delaware brewpub, my sister-in-law had her own brush with hairy food. While we all sat around the table, we noticed that something was going on with her. She looked like a cat trying to cough up a hair ball. It turned out to be pretty close because she was actually trying to hack up a hair that she had just swallowed. I'm not even sure what kind of food she was eating. But it was definitely garnished with a long piece of hair. I never know what to do in these situations. Should I have performed the Heimlich Maneuver? It seems a bit extreme. After all, it's a piece of hair, not a semi-chewed chunk of ribeye.

I must be getting immune to this stuff. I was eating dinner at a local restaurant a month or so ago and discovered a short, straight hair on my plate (Thank God, it wasn't curly!). The meal was really good and I had already eaten about three-quarters of it. In fact, it was was so good that I just brushed the hair off of my plate and finished the entire meal. Now, there's a serious compliment to the chef!


kw