My friend, Terry, hails from Delaware but he calls Glen Burnie, MD his home during the work week. During his two year tenure in the area, he has done some extensive research on Glen Burnie's nightlife. Unselfishly sacrificing many of his own brain cells, he has colorfully illustrated the Glen Burnie bar scene in the following story. It is rare that you will find such a seasoned professional that is willing to share such profound insight and advice. So, without further ado, I'm pleased to bring you Terry, the first official guest writer of my Mouthpiece......
Ken
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I recently revisited and re-organized my Bar Listing which in turn
gave me a renewed interest in visiting a few places. Stepping down from
such lofty dreams like visiting Ireland on $14 a day, the local area
adds its own special twist. At $54 a day,
Glen Burnie and its surrounding areas must be seen to be believed. I
realize some copied will get crazy because they think I’m going to
launch into a derogatory rant but that’s not happening today. Today I
will speak to you of the good down in the hood
and how you can have a great time!
As a rule, Glen Burnie (and surrounding area) bar hopping should be
treated as a fun learning activity. You probably won’t meet anyone you
want to keep as a friend, but you’ll sure as heck have a blast if you
keep a few helpful tips in mind which I’ll
share with you next.
Optionally, you may want to look into memberships with certain
organizations. These are great if you just want to hide out and
generally cost less than $60 / year. American Legion for example is $12
and the Elks (depending on location) varies from $50
- $90) There’s the Moose, VFW and all those others too. I do not
recommend “hanging out” in these places, but they do offer a bit more of
a quality relationship at times. How do you think I found all of these
out of the way places like the Oak Grove?
Glen Burnine and the surrounding towns do not offer a wide variety
of “venues”. Therefore it’s important to study bar listings or local
papers, then give up and draw one of the 60+ bar names from a hat.
Crowds aren’t usually wrong and heading for full
parking lots helps. One note though – some bars are filled with locals
who walk so this rule doesn’t apply to them (ref Crossroads Tavern and
down town Catonsville). Live music filling the air is also a good sign
since it means the chaos of a pool cue fight
hasn’t dampened anyone’s spirit.
To optimize your fun, it’s important to realize that looks (as in
the looks you’re going to get walking into anyplace) are everything and
you should be able to quickly assess (peripherally) what the glares,
grins, and numb stares mean relative to your
presence. Generally speaking, direct eye contact upon entry is frowned
upon unless you arrived in a half burned up Pickup Truck or 70’s era
Camaro, have a color facial tattoo, or wear a baseball shirt featuring a
full chest sized iron-on decal of Farrah Fawcett
or the A-Team. It’s always best to enter and go right for the
bartender. At very local places like Henney Macks or Milt’s for example
– YOU are the most interesting thing they’ve probably seen in 2 weeks
so don’t take it personally – immediately rip off your
collar and go with the welcoming ceremony. (if you brought a lady
friend in with you – it’s probably too late if the door closed all the
way to escape so she’s on her own.
Glen Burnie folks like to be entertained just like we all do. Look
around. In almost every case – there’s more to the local bars than
first glances will reveal. Some bars offer Keno. Some have various
pools or chances going. Some have shuffleboards
and pool tables on different floors you’d never know about. (ref Ashleys
Station in Ferndale) Some have pinball or game challenges where high
scores win dinner etc (ref The Beach Bar) And some feature drinks or
foods that are interesting. Orange Crushes made
fresh (Cancun Cantina) are interesting but don’t get them at the All
American Sports Bar because I watched the bar maid (who hated making
them with canned OJ – wring her counter rag into one) Walk around. Look
around.
Days of the week don’t mean jack. I’ve been to places on Tuesdays
at 10PM where they were fantastic! (ref Ferndale Tavern) Hey – don’t
judge… The larger places often publish daily activities (see Reckless
Rics, Cancun Cantina and Bamboo Bernies for
examples) These can be disappointing (ref Cantina on Country Line
Dancing Lesson night…suck-o!) so if (n- WHEN) this happens it’s
important to have plans B thru D. The point is – try not to plan your
nights out based on days of the week. Trivia nights are
one exception – they’re almost ALWAYS fun if you go in with the right
frame of mind. For example, the answer to the question “What state is
abbreviated as MD in” can be submitted as “confused”, “drunken” or a
crudely drawn bit of male or female anatomy may
be submitted along with a love note. Have fun with it and let the
evening be whatever it needs to be to do so – but never force it.
(cardinal rule #7 from the social directors guide to drinking and
economics clearly states this)
So let’s go thru a scenario…
On a Wednesday, I felt the need for some outdoor fun so according
to my notes, that to me means Rodz & Rydz in Severna Park because it
features an outdoor bar AND a horsehoes / cornhole. (This is not West
Virginia or Rehoboth Beach so no need to worry
about the game’s name here) One car in the parking lot meant it was a
no-go so the Elks Lodge 900 Yards up the road because the holding
pattern location until things pepped up. Winning $250 on a $1 pull-tab
ticket worked nicely for me but PO’d the 4 people
at the bar who apparently donated my winnings. Check Please! Back to
Rodz & Rydz which was now better, Horseshoes outdoors was in fact
satisfying and more outdoor work was required so it was off to The Beach
Bar in Point Pleasant for some education regarding
local customs and attire. Then from there it was Reckless Ric’s and
then to finish up – Duke’s where I ran across my old billiard team and
hilarity ensued as I publicly demonstrated a total loss of pool skills
but an alarming new array of drinking skills.
Wends is thankfully open late and near my estate so that worked out well
too. That’s how it can be done and it is in fact fun.
Viva Glen Burnie!
Terry
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