Do A Little Dance

So last night, I go to a local nightclub to listen to a friend's band. They start to crank out all of the old classic rock songs and before long the dance floor begins to fill.  I always get a kick out of watching people as they cut the rug. It's actually fun to watch if people can actually dance. But unfortunately, that's very seldom the case.

As I watch the women pull their boyfriends and husbands out to the dance floor, I can't help but notice that the crowd is rather old. In fact, I would estimate the median age of the dancers to be about 75. I instantly wondered if I mistaken walked into dance night at the convalescent center. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against senior citizens. But I have to admit, it just struck me as a bit odd to see the AARP crowd getting down to Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell".

One particular couple was really going at it. They were flailing to to the upbeat song as the man twirled the woman on every fourth measure. At this frantic pace, I couldn't help but think that a broken hip was imminent. But thankfully, they made it through....

There was another elderly guy who was desperately trying to cling onto his image from yesteryear. He looked like a cross between Joe Walsh and Patrick Swayze's character from Roadhouse. He had a bi-level haircut (circa 1982), tight-ass Wrangler jeans and a black leather vest. Yep, he really had it going on. And he kept a straight face the entire time. He obviously took his dancing very seriously.

I sat in my chair on the edge of the dance floor and listened to the band jam out to Judas Priest's "You've Got Another Thing Coming" while the senior crowd continued to boogie down. A "young" woman, whom I would estimate to be around fifty, walks toward me. This is going to sound so wrong, but I instantly deduced two things about her: she wasn't wearing a bra and she was cold. When she got within three feet of me, I instinctively looked down for fear of getting poked in the eye. Go ahead and laugh, but you can never be too careful....

Back to the dancers......

As one couple entered the dance floor, the woman began shaking baby powder over the floor. This was obviously done to cut down on the friction between their shoes and the floor. The couple then began to move like John Travolta and Uma Thurman in the dance scene from Pulp Fiction. Although they could certainly dance, I couldn't ignore that the man had this uniquely long face, reminiscent of Herman Munster. And as he glided effortlessly over his powered dance space, he chomped vigorously on a generous wad of chewing gum. The whole scene was really weird.

Towards the end of the evening, a middle-aged couple drew everyone's attention because they were actually very good dancers. I have to admit, I was really enjoying it. But then, out of nowhere, the guy does a full split! Every guy in the bar instantly reached down below and it was followed by a chorus of groans. I reached for my phone and prepared to dial 911. But miraculously, the guy stood back up and resumed the dance like nothing happened. That was some impressive stuff!

Now, after building up enough courage courtesy of seven or eight draft beers, I have been known to step onto the dance floor myself. But it doesn't always end well. One time, I got recruited to join in on "The Electric Slide". I make no secret about it, I can not dance. Halfway through the song, at least three people were laying on the ground as a result of my big, clumsy ass knocking them over. Trust me, if you ever see me  stumble onto a dance floor, run!

And if I'm not knocking other dancers over, I'm making a total fool of myself. Sometimes, I'll be busting a move and feeling the rhythm. Like an idiot, I'll think to myself, "Hey, maybe I really can dance!" This thought instantly vanishes when I look up to see half of the bar pointing to me and laughing hysterically. It's very hurtful.

So next time you're at the club, take a look around. Sometimes, the best entertainment is right in front of you on the dance floor!

kw