The Guy Hovering Over My Shoulder

So, the other night, I'm sitting at a local watering hole playing trivia with my buddy, Kevin. I see this guy sitting across the bar who looks a lot like Billy Bob Thorton's character in "Slingblade". He's sitting there alone with both of hands cupped firmly around his large beer glass. To say that he was a bit peculiar looking would be putting it mildly. But at least he was a safe distance away. For now.....

About midway through the game, Slingblade heads to the men's room. When he returns, instead of sitting in his original bar seat, he pulls up the one directly to the left of me. I found this to be odd since the whole left side of the bar was vacant. This is like a guy walking into a men's room at the airport and there's 20 vacant urinals between you and the wall and the guy cozies up to the one right next to you. It's just weird, that all I'm saying.....

Anyway, Slingblade sits there with this goofy smile on his face. I could just sense that he was going to say something at any second. The trivia DJ asks the the next question and I scribble something on my note pad. As I start to write, I see that the guy is trying to peek over my shoulder. I instinctively try to cover my answer like I used to do in 3rd grade. From my peripheral vision, I can still see Slingblade hovering over my left shoulder.

Before long, inevitability reared it's ugly head and Slingblade says, "So, what'd cha put for that last answer?"

Keep in mind that we're in the middle of bar trivia game where you're prohibited from shouting out the answers. So, I knew if I gave the guy the real answer (which was Taylor Swift), he would blurt it out for the whole bar to hear. So, I figured I would make something up and try to use this guy to our competitive advantage. 

"We put Joan Jett for that last answer, bud", I quietly told him.

Sure enough, he blurts outs, "Joan Jett, huh? I like her!"

Then he proceeds to inform us that Janis Joplin has the same initials as Joan Jett. Actually, I was quite impressed that this guy had the mental capacity to figure this out. Could this guy possibly be Pasadena's version of the Rain Man?

Well, my admiration was short-lived as Slingblade followed up with, "I really like Janis Joplin. She's a good singer."

He was talking about Janis in the present tense, so my friend (Dave) who was sitting two bar stools to my right, leans over and says, "You know Janis Joplin is dead, right?"

A look of confusion takes over Slingblade's face and he asks, "Really? When did this happen?"

Kevin, Dave & I instantly looked at one another as the theme from The Twilight Zone played through our collective minds.

Realizing that this guy is probably a little behind in current events, I said, "She died a couple of years ago. Sorry to have to break the bad news to you, bud."

The guy seemed to be genuinely shocked. I felt the additional urge to inform him about Elvis, but I didn't want to overload him with grief. After a few moments of silence, he jumps right back into our trivia game and says, "So, what are you guys putting for this answer?"

I made some kind of wisecrack which caused Slingblade to chuckle. As a result, he revealed a set of teeth that looked like something you might see in the mouth of an alligator. I impulsively jumped back. I nearly blurted out, "Whoa, dude!" His teeth had obviously been on the losing end of an ass-kicking contest with tooth decay. Some were pointed and some were jagged but they were all a mess. Kevin later pointed out that he had "meth mouth". Nice to know...

Anyway, the trivial banter continued for ten or fifteen more minutes. Kevin, getting a little irritated, asked me why I kept engaging the guy . I explained to him that you have to be careful with these type of people. Even though the guy was hovering and was bit irritating, I really didn't want to piss him off. The last thing I needed was for Slingblade to go ape-shit and bury a lawnmower blade in the back of my head.

The DJ asks a football related question. While I'm trying to brainstorm with Kevin and Dave, my new friend is trying to loudly chime in with his incoherent answers. And then, he throws me curve-ball and asks if I ever watch Lingerie Football.

I respond, "Lingerie football? No, can't say that I have. But I'll bet the women are hot."

Kevin shoots me the "WTF look", letting me know that I really need to stop talking to this guy. Hey, I didn't ask this guy to sit next to me. How is this my fault?

Meanwhile, the guy's beer mug runs empty. But he continues to cradle it between both hands like he's making a clay pot. Normally, I would offer to buy a person a fresh beer, But this guy was really starting to make me nervous and I didn't want to give him any reason to stay any longer. As luck would have it, he just got up and walked out. No goodbye, nice to meet you, have a good night, etc. He just disappeared out into the night as quickly as he dropped in beside me. I'm not sure if I'll ever see him again. But there's no doubt that someone like him will cross my path before long....

kw