Friday, March 6, 2009
It’s hard not to notice any of the new drugs as they hit the market. We are constantly being bombarded by magazine ads, TV commercials, billboards, etc. It seems like there’s a drug for any type of ailment, whether it be physical, mental or psychological. If you’re in pain, there’s a pill to numb you. If you’re blood pressure is high, there’s a pill to lower it. If you’re depressed, there’s pill to perk you up. If you suffer from erectile dysfunction, there’s a pill, well, to perk you up.
But it seems for as many ailments as these new prescriptions fix, they can also have the same number of side effects. Some of the side effects seem to be more dangerous that the ailment that they treat. I mean, you take a pill for depression but there’s a little problem with it causing erratic heart rhythms. Like that’s going to fill someone full of joy! Only time will tell if suicide or a heart attack crosses the finish line first.
One of the other side effects that I’ve heard of is anal leakage. Sure it sounds nasty, But can you imagine having to deal with it? How bad off do you have to be in order to risk a side effect like this? What do you tell your friends? “Yeah, my cholesterol levels are right on target. Oops, I’ll catch up with you later. I just shit myself again.” I think I would roll the dice and let my high blood pressure take care of itself!
And on the flip side, there's also a chance of constipation with certain narcotics. So, aside from being high as kite, you'll also be full of shit. Great!
There are several drugs out there to help you quit smoking. The most popular one being "the patch". One of the potential side effects of the nicotine patch is an irratating skin rash. So now, the friends that used to cringe at your second hand smoke will be made equally unconfortable by the sight of your new skin condition. The degree of uneasiness can be determined by how quickly they move away from you.
Sleep aids seem to be really popular these days. Lunesta and Ambience are a couple that come to mind. With some of these, there's a little side effect of sleep walking. This one has the potential to multiply into many other ailments. Think about it. You take a little blue pill at bedtime. A couple of hours later, you're in deep REM sleep. But your inner consciencenesss is nudging you to get a cupcake from the downstairs refridgerator. So, your overactive brain tells your inactive ass to pick itself up and head downstairs. You take one step onto the stairwell and go tumbling head over heals onto the landing. Now, not only are you awake, but you've also got a fractured vertabra to deal with! It kinda defeats the purpose if you ask me.
Moving on.....
The pills for impotence took the country by storm several years ago. Ironically, the first varieties of these were designed to regulate blood pressure. One of the “side effects” of the original blood pressure drug was a persistent hard-on. Genius! The drug companies seized the moment and boned up with a new marketing strategy. Viagra was born and the world got excited.
Of course, Viagra wasn’t without its own share of side effects. I always got a kick out of the commercial where the announcer says, “And for erections lasting more than eight hours, please consult a physician.” I’m wondering how many seventy year old men would listen to that bullshit. I'm thinking they would probably throw a hat on it and proudly parade it down Main Street. “Good afternoon, ladies. Just taking Richard and the twins out for a walk.” And for the more athletic guys, they might decide to do the backstroke down the river and yell, “Raise the drawbridge, you fools!”
Sometimes, I think the drug companies intentionally create the side effects so that they can sell you more drugs to treat those symptoms. Before long, things snowball and the local pharmacist is coming to you for pills!
KW
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