Friday, February 13, 2009
I never intentionally tune into the Maury Pouvich show. It's usually the result of a "run-over" from some the local news shows that I occasionally watch in the morning. I like to refer to glancing at the show as "morbid curiosity". Whatever the case, I find the show amusing enough to comment on....
Where in the hell do they find the morons on Maury's show? Are they Jerry Springer's rejects? Maybe they're inbred siblings from the backwoods of Kentucky? One thing's for sure, though. If any of these boneheads had a battle of wits with a rock, the rock would win hands down!
Every show has a "Who's The Baby's Daddy" theme. A couple of bozo's will come on and the dialogue begins. Instead of trying to explain things, it's easier just to take you there. Here we go......
MAURY: Latasha says that Rico is the father of her six illegitimate children. Rico says Latasha is a lying ho and has slept with everyone in the community including Akmed from the Royal Farms store. Please welcome Latasha.
(Applause from the cerebrally challenged audience)
LATASHA: Uh-huh, that's right! Rico gonna pay. He my baby daddy and Marty's gonna prove it!
MAURY: Latasha, welcome to the show. Tell us your story.
LATASHA: Ok, Marty, first and foremost, I'd like to thank God.
MAURY: Mmmm-hmmm.
LATASHA: Well, I's here today to prove that Rico is the daddy of at least three of my young'uns. I know this because he didn't wear any protection, Maury. Rico says that the local drug store keeps their rubbers locked up and he ain't asking no punk ass cashier for a pack.
MAURY: Interesting. Go on....
LATASHA: Well, it started wit a little bump and grind at the nightclub. One thing led to another and next thing you know, we had a litter of children. 'Nuff said.
MAURY: Ok, why don't we bring Rico out and get his side of the story. Please welcome Rico....
(Boos are heard from the brain dead crowd)
MAURY: Welcome to the show, Rico.
RICO: Aw'ight. It's all good Maury. I'm feelin' the love.
MAURY: That's great. Latasha here says that you're the father of at least three of her kids. What do you say about that?
RICO: Not true, Maury. Not true in the leastest. Let me tell you something. Latasha is nothin' but a lyin' ho and everybody knows it. She might as well walk around with a mattress strapped to her back. She's a super freak, Maury! She even tried to make a move on my cousin's pit bull. The bitch is nuttier than fruitcake, Maury!
(Inaudible noise from the dim witted audience)
MAURY: Ok, enough bickering. The results of the paternity tests are in. And Rico, you are NOT any of the baby's daddys.
RICO: (jumping up and down and transitioning into some type of break dance) Yeah, uh huh, that's right! Take that! I told you ! I told you, bi-atch!
MAURY: Ok, we have done paternity tests for three dozen other men then Latasha has slept with and we have those results as well. Latasha, none of these other men are the father of any of your kids either.
LATASHA: (sobbing) Not even Akmed from the Royal Farms????
MAURY: Sorry Latasha, not even Akmed.
LATASHA: What am I gonna do, Maury.
MAURY: (Kneeling by her side and speaking softly) Look, you've got six beautiful illegitimate kids. They need you. We will help you find the father of these children. Even if we have to slap a paternity test on every high school football team and fast food employee in the state.
Anyway, I think you get the point. Calling the show ridiculous would be an understatement. But I guess it gives anyone hope that aspires to have a talk show...
(by the way, although the above dialogue was paraphrased, the actual names were two real guests)
KW
Where in the hell do they find the morons on Maury's show? Are they Jerry Springer's rejects? Maybe they're inbred siblings from the backwoods of Kentucky? One thing's for sure, though. If any of these boneheads had a battle of wits with a rock, the rock would win hands down!
Every show has a "Who's The Baby's Daddy" theme. A couple of bozo's will come on and the dialogue begins. Instead of trying to explain things, it's easier just to take you there. Here we go......
MAURY: Latasha says that Rico is the father of her six illegitimate children. Rico says Latasha is a lying ho and has slept with everyone in the community including Akmed from the Royal Farms store. Please welcome Latasha.
(Applause from the cerebrally challenged audience)
LATASHA: Uh-huh, that's right! Rico gonna pay. He my baby daddy and Marty's gonna prove it!
MAURY: Latasha, welcome to the show. Tell us your story.
LATASHA: Ok, Marty, first and foremost, I'd like to thank God.
MAURY: Mmmm-hmmm.
LATASHA: Well, I's here today to prove that Rico is the daddy of at least three of my young'uns. I know this because he didn't wear any protection, Maury. Rico says that the local drug store keeps their rubbers locked up and he ain't asking no punk ass cashier for a pack.
MAURY: Interesting. Go on....
LATASHA: Well, it started wit a little bump and grind at the nightclub. One thing led to another and next thing you know, we had a litter of children. 'Nuff said.
MAURY: Ok, why don't we bring Rico out and get his side of the story. Please welcome Rico....
(Boos are heard from the brain dead crowd)
MAURY: Welcome to the show, Rico.
RICO: Aw'ight. It's all good Maury. I'm feelin' the love.
MAURY: That's great. Latasha here says that you're the father of at least three of her kids. What do you say about that?
RICO: Not true, Maury. Not true in the leastest. Let me tell you something. Latasha is nothin' but a lyin' ho and everybody knows it. She might as well walk around with a mattress strapped to her back. She's a super freak, Maury! She even tried to make a move on my cousin's pit bull. The bitch is nuttier than fruitcake, Maury!
(Inaudible noise from the dim witted audience)
MAURY: Ok, enough bickering. The results of the paternity tests are in. And Rico, you are NOT any of the baby's daddys.
RICO: (jumping up and down and transitioning into some type of break dance) Yeah, uh huh, that's right! Take that! I told you ! I told you, bi-atch!
MAURY: Ok, we have done paternity tests for three dozen other men then Latasha has slept with and we have those results as well. Latasha, none of these other men are the father of any of your kids either.
LATASHA: (sobbing) Not even Akmed from the Royal Farms????
MAURY: Sorry Latasha, not even Akmed.
LATASHA: What am I gonna do, Maury.
MAURY: (Kneeling by her side and speaking softly) Look, you've got six beautiful illegitimate kids. They need you. We will help you find the father of these children. Even if we have to slap a paternity test on every high school football team and fast food employee in the state.
Anyway, I think you get the point. Calling the show ridiculous would be an understatement. But I guess it gives anyone hope that aspires to have a talk show...
(by the way, although the above dialogue was paraphrased, the actual names were two real guests)
KW
LOL OMG this is sad because I know its true!! where the hell are the morals of this country going?
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