Press 1 For English

About fifteen years ago, I was in a McDonald’s in Orlando, Florida. When I went to place my order, I noticed that they had two menus: one in English and one in Spanish. I found this a bit odd but it didn’t really seem to bother me too much. Not being that familiar with the Florida lifestyle, I just figured the Cubans liked Quarter Pounders as much as I did. Plus, this dual language thing could never fly in other parts of the country. Or could it??

Fast forward to the present…………..

Not only has Spanish set up shop across the whole country, it’s being forced down our throats! The last time I checked, English was the still official language of the United States. But I’m starting to wonder about it.

I stopped by an ATM last year. After I insert my card, it asks me if I want to conduct my transaction in English or Spanish. Like I fool, I start yelling at the damned thing, “What the f*ck do you think? What country is this, you electronic asshole?” Yeah, people were looking, but I didn’t care. I had reason to be pissed. This is America, dammit! And we’re supposed to speak English here!

Well, with all of the commotion, I accidently hit the Spanish button. Now, I’m screwed. About the only two Spanish words that I know are Corona and Margarita. Lucky for me, the bank was having some landscaping done. So, I motion for one of the guys to come over to the ATM and bail me out of this mess. He comes over and gets me back to the English screen. He thinks it’s funny. But I think its bullshit. I should have never had been put in that situation in the first place.

I had some concrete work done around my pool several years ago. The guy who came out and gave me the estimate was an all-American guy. And communication wasn’t an issue. However, when the work crew showed up, they couldn’t speak a word of English between them. There was some confusion at one point and I had to go out and try to explain things. It was ridiculous. We were like a bunch of caveman trying to communicate with pictures and hand gestures. Then I started to speak real slow, thinking that it might make it easier for them to understand me. Eventually, my patience ran out, and I called the boss man and told him that he needed to send a translator over.

When the job was over, I sat around and popped a couple of Coronas with them. Hey, beer speaks the universal language as far as I’m concerned!

Another McDonald’s story…….

I recently stopped at a local restaurant for one of their Southern Style Chicken Sandwiches. I place my order at the drive-thru speaker. Well, the guy hands me my food, he says “Gracious, senior!” What kind of bullshit is that? Now, we’re being greeted in Spanish at an all-American place like Mickey-Dee’s??? If this is going to continue, I want to see burritos and chimichangas on the dollar menu the next time I visit!

And maybe I’m paranoid, but every time I walk past the long line of Spanish speaking folks at the DMV, I get a feeling they’re talking about me. There’s no way I can be sure because I CAN’T UNDERSTAND THEM!!

I’m sorry, but if you want to live in this country, the least you can do is learn English. This is America and I’ll be dammed if you’ll force me to speak your language!

KW