Tips

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I’m not sure where the common practice of tipping originated. But I do know that I don’t fully understand it. When to tip, when not to tip? How much to tip? Is it even necessary to tip? Like life isn’t complicated enough!

I don’t really have a problem with gratuities. In fact, I usually tip rather well. I figure if someone is performing a service for me, I should show my appreciation if I’m satisfied. However, if the service is bad, I think it’s reasonable to leave a small tip or no tip at all. I’ve done this once or twice in my life. And, believe me, the gratuity was definitely in line with the service!

One thing that always irks me is the tip jar on the counter. I’ve seen this at places like Dunkin’ Donuts. And the jar is strategically placed in way that makes you feel obligated to drop something in. I don’t get it. I walk in and buy a cup up coffee for a buck fifty. What am I supposed to leave, a freggin' quarter? Or better yet, why am I tipping Haji the coffee guy anyway? Is simply pouring me a cup of coffee really that deserving of a tip? I find the whole thing annoying, so I don’t usually leave anything in “tip jar”.

Years ago in DC parking garage, a valet locked my keys in my car. When I came out to get my car, in broken English, he asks me if I have an extra set of keys. What kind of bullshit is that? When I tell him I don’t have an extra key, he walks over and says something to his superior. Then, he comes back, I shit you not, and says, “Sir, do you have a Slim-Jim?” I start to blurt out a few four letter words but then I start to wonder if I’m on Candid Camera. My family might be watching and I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself. So, I sarcasticly tell him that I usually carry one in my back pocket but today I left it on my dresser. After about an hour, the valet crew finally gets my car unlocked. Then, the freggin’ moron who asked me for the Slim-Jim, starts hinting for a tip! Can you believe that bullshit? Only later did I find out that, in unlocking my car door, these bozos cut the wires that controlled my electric window.

It still pisses me off so I’m going to move on……..

In the old days, neighborhood kids would have paper routes. Tips were something they counted on when they collected their subscription fees from their customers. Speaking from experience, tips were well deserved for the most part. I can remember getting up on 6:00 on Sunday mornings to get my papers stuffed with the weekly advertisements. Then I’d head out (sometimes in the cold rain) to get them delivered so my customers could read the current events with their morning coffee. I didn’t make much from the newspaper company, so I always looked forward to my tips at the end of the month.

The reason I bring up the paper route, is because today things are quite different. For one, kids don’t deliver papers anymore. Mommy or Daddy have the paper routes today. And they use the little bit of money they make to subsidize their kid’s cell phone bills. And let me tell you something, Mom and Dad could learn a thing or two about delivering a newspaper. I mean, how hard is it to get the paper up to my doorstep?? Half the time, I have to organize a search party to locate my morning paper. I’ve found the thing under my car, in the gutter and one time, up in a f*cking tree! How did that happen? Were the squirrels interested in the sports scores, maybe???

The point I’m trying to make is that if you expect a tip, for God's sake, deliver the service!

KW